Chapter 1: In Which Craig Contemplates The Kiss He Received From Marco
Marco kissed me last night. It was just to make Dylan jealous, but for some reason... it just seemed right. I know I shouldn't admit this, even to the pages of a book, but, I think I might actually like him. We were sitting on the stairs at Dylan's college and I was trying to make him feel better. I was being shameless with my stupid cliché compliments. I was making a fool out of myself. Even I couldn't believe that I was saying such stupid things, especially to Marco. I'm gonna miss him when we graduate and we go off to college. I can't believe I ended up falling for Marco. I can't believe I ended up falling for any guy. I swear I'm not gay. The only guy I find attractive is Marco. Otherwise, it's only girls I'm attracted to. But if I'm not gay, or at least bisexual, then why did I fall for Marco? Maybe that's it. Maybe I'm bisexual. Either way, why did it have to be Marco? He's my best friend. I can't tell him that I like him. If I do tell him, I'm sure he wouldn't feel the same about me because he was in love with Dylan for so long. But, maybe, if I waited awhile, he would like me in the same way. Who am I kidding? He'll never like me the way I like him. He just won't. Besides, he's probably still in love with Dylan. I don't know why I had to fall for Marco. I wish I had fallen for some other guy. I don't really care which guy. Just one other than Marco. Why did Marco have to kiss me? If he hadn't kissed me, I would never have realized that I liked him, and then I wouldn't be so conflicted right now. I know eventually, if these feelings don't go away, I'll have to tell him. But for right now, I think I'm just going to let it stay bottled up inside. Maybe if I keep my feelings bottled up, they'll just go away. Now who am I kidding? I know better than to think that my feelings will just go away if I keep them bottled up. I guess I really don't think that they will. It's just more of a stupid hope, a childish wish. I know I can't tell Marco that I like him, but if I keep them bottled up, then they will probably just grow and grow until I have to tell him. I just can't bring myself to tell Marco that I like him. He'll never feel the same way, so if I tell him, he's going to reject me and then I'll be hurt and I could never hang out with him, or probably any of my friends, ever again. Then I'd be all alone and then I'll become bitter. I think I'll just try to keep them to myself.