Chapter 3: In Which Marco Thinks About His Reasons
Last night, I kissed Craig. I don't know why exactly I did it. I've been trying to convince myself that it was just to make Dylan jealous. But somehow, I think it might have been more. He was being so nice last night. And he's just so sweet and cute. I think it was partially to make Dylan jealous, partially because I like Craig. I don't know how I could have fallen for Craig. I mean, he's my best friend. He's straight, more importantly. I know he's straight. He got Manny pregnant in tenth grade. You don't knock a girl up in tenth grade if you're gay. Maybe he's bisexual. I know he's not, though. He's never looked at a guy that way. But he sure has looked at tons of girls that way. I know he can never like me like that, but for some reason, I could swear I felt a spark when I pressed my lips to his. I guess I just have to give up. But I still feel like maybe he could like me. I know it's a stupid idea. Craig would never like someone like me. Even if he did like guys. Me and Craig have pretty much nothing in common. I mean, I love the songs he writes. They just have so much emotion. They're all just so perfect. But we always hang out together and it just never really felt like there was a spark. It's just that, last night, I swear there was a spark. Maybe I was just imagining things. I was really freaked out last night because of Dylan. I could have just felt a spark because I wanted there to be a spark. But the words he spoke after the kiss make me sure that there was no real spark. "When in doubt, you kiss Craig?" That's what he said and the anger in his voice when he said it make me sure that there was absolutely no spark, even though I wanted there to be a spark. I wish Dylan hadn't come looking for me. If he hadn't come looking for me, I would never have kissed Dylan. And then I wouldn't be so confused right now. Oh well. I think I'm just going to forget that I ever felt this way.