Chapter 2: June 11th
I used to write in this journal every day when I was a kid. When I dusted it off and flipped through the pages, it was mostly filled with entries about being a ninja, a great ninja - and some stuff here and there about Akamaru. Looking back, though; there was one person I seemed to analyze a lot in my previous entries. Shikamaru.
I remember that really big fight we got into the night he told me he was going after the Akatsuki. I don't ever remember being that upset, realizing that my best friend in the world was about to walk into a situation where he could potentially be killed. But, being Shikamaru, he'd always come back with some retort about 'these are the risks you take when becoming a ninja'. And after he introduced that arguement, I always backed out.
Because it was true. That was one of the things you'd have to be ready for when choosing this kind of life path. Death.
Which I think is part of the reason why I've been so hung up over the fact of Shikamaru's depression about Asuma. He had to have been prepared for such a thing, right? Well, I guess even being prepared can't get in the way of emotions. When Shino passed away I had been upset and angry, not thinking rationally that Shino might have been mentally ready to give his life up in battle. He could have had the same mentality as Shikamaru, which he probably did.
But what about Naruto and Sasuke? With how close they are now, if one of them died, I don't think the other could just sit back and say 'they knew what they would be getting themselves into when they became a ninja'.
I guess that's where I get confused. I'm sure Shikamaru loved Asuma like a father, and both knew the consequences of being a ninja at the same time. There's just no rationality when it comes to someone you care about.
The thing that bothers me the most is just how long it's been. I mean, six years? Six years and you freak out when someone even utters that person's name? Maybe its just me being oblivious.. but I always thought somebody like him would have gotten over it by now and realized that Asuma is in a better place. But I guess there are some things that even Nara Shikamaru can't handle.
Even so, moving into his old apartment? Smoking? What the hell? I don't know whether it's because he picked up the habit on his own, or if he's only smoking in memory of this man. I know Asuma's death is how it started, but I just don't understand. To pick up such a nasty habit in rememberance of one person? He has a living human being, Kurenai's daughter, that is Asuma's flesh-and-blood offspring. Plus all the items that he acquired after the funeral. I think that should be enough.
Maybe he just needs a friend? God knows he's been playing Shogi by himself this whole time. Maybe that's just what he needs.
A/N: I'm soooo sorry! My computer had to be restored, and I lost everything because my flash drive decided it didn't feel like copying any files over. Please forgive me. ;;