Chapter 4: June 13th
When I walked back home for the second time today, I kept thinking to myself – I'm making myself miserable for no reason. Why am I all of a sudden so jealous that Ino has feelings for Shikamaru? They spent a lot of time together when they were on a team, so it's only natural that Ino developed a thing for him.
But even so, what about me? I'm not ugly, I'm pretty sure – I'm a strong ninja, I could protect her if anything ever came up. Is the reason that she thinks I'm gay the only thing that makes her go to Shikamaru instead of me? Maybe it's the leather... or maybe it's the fact that I go clothing shopping with her and tell her that the green blouse she just tried on make her boobs look fantastic.
I'm not gay... I just don't discriminate when it comes to the people I care about. Should I? I mean, boy or girl, it's about what you love inside, isn't it? Shikamaru's never expressed interest in girls, and nobody ever accuses him of being gay. But I guess that's because he's never expressed interest in anybody at all.
I really wonder if Hinata is taking Ino's side in all of this. She didn't sound too surprised when she was telling me about the whole gay thing. It also makes me wonder if anyone else I hang out with thinks the same thing about me. After all, the blonde does have a big mouth and she could have voiced her opinion to everyone else in the village for all I know.
Especially if she told Shikamaru. She could tell him so maybe he'd be disgusted with me or something, that way she'd have him all to herself. But if she told him, he still asked me to the Sakura Festival, so his reaction couldn't have been that bad. If she told him, which she might not have. Which means that if he does find out, say if Ino and Hinata blab when they see us at the festival - he could still run away.
God, this sucks. Why do I have to think so much?
Still, I don't want to have to be afraid of who I am. I've never been that way, especially not to my best friend. But that still doesn't mean I can't be pissing my pants about what could happen at the festival this weekend.
...So then, what would happen if I decided to show interest in Shikamaru? Would Ino decide to back off? You know, I really just want him to be happy. I shouldn't care who he falls in love with, as long as it gets him out of this slump he's been in since Asuma died.
...But that doesn't mean I can't try.
If Ino wants gay, I'll show her gay.
Author's Notes: Whee, another journal done. I have so many options on what could happen at the festival, I'm afraid of which one to pick. xD