Past Mistakes

Rate: M

Disclaimer: Don't own Gundam Wing

Warning: lime! So you're warned!

Past Mistakes

Chapter six – I lost it again

"Well, Hilde. I think it's a very bad idea."

"But why?"

"Because… you're my friend."

Hilde raised both her eye brows while she kept staring at the blonde sitting behind her desk. The dark haired woman raised her hand from the door handle where it had been still resting and stepped in the room. The door swung shut behind her not a second later.

Trowa was still sitting opposite Relena of the desk. He'd crossed his arms and was listening to their conversation. They'd to solve this matter out their selves.

Hilde had meanwhile approached the desk. She laid her hands flatly on the dark brown desk and leaned on them slightly forward to Relena. She stared a moment piercingly at Relena before she uttered:

"Relena, you should be happy that I want to do this job. You know you can trust me, I can handle the work and besides I'm your friend. You should be really glad about it, Relena."

The blonde girl tried her best not to roll her eyes.

"Hilde! Can't you understand it? Of course, I'll be happy that my best friend will be my secretary. But think about it… Uhm… we'll be more chatting than working."

"No Relena, I promise we'll work when we'll have to. And in free time we can always chat. I can't see the point why you're suddenly doing so difficult." Hilde pulled the chair back that was placed next to Trowa's seat. Sitting on it she said very self confidently: "So Relena, what do you think now?"

The blond leaned back in her chair sighing. "I guess I've no other choice," she admitted her defeat staring at the ceiling.

'You're gonna regret this Hilde...'

Hilde smiled a little. "I resigned."

Quite surprised Relena cast her eyes down again. "What? I mean why?"

Hilde glanced at the tall man next to her. His was set as always emotionless, though his eyes were standing still worried. He hadn't said a word since she'd arrived. Maybe because he didn't want to interfere. She didn't know it surely.

"It is quite a tough job being the secretary of such a busy advocate. He paid well, though, but well, say I got bored from that job. Besides I figured out you'd need me."

"This job isn't less bore than, Hilde," Relena teased the other woman.

Hilde chuckled. "It can't be bore, because you're my employer AND my friend."

o0o

"Are you going to your office?"

Hilde looked questioning up to the tall man passing the cabin what was now hers. Only three days ago it had been of someone else. Trowa stepped at the voice and turned to look at the pretty woman sitting behind the white desk.

She'd cleaned up the mess that'd been on the desk. There was a pc placed at the right side of the large desk. A few files were lying at the left; probably Hilde had just been studying them. Other things on the table were some office staff like pens, a telephone and her small blue bag was lying in front of the keyboard. Next to pc was a vase. There'd always been artificial flowers in it. But not today.

Trowa took a few more steps towards her desk while Hilde gazed at him with lowered eye brows not knowing what was attracting him towards the desk. The flowers were real this time, noted Trowa. Hilde must've brought them today. Finally Hilde noticed his attention to the flowers.

"I brought them today before I came here."

He nodded and remained staring at the yellow flowers in the blue vase.

"Are you heading to your own office?" she asked him again since he hadn't answered her.

He nodded with his head again slightly then sighed.

"Are you still worried about Relena?"

He looked immediately up at her. She'd guessed it right. Hilde gave him a reassuring smile.

"Don't worry, Trowa. You know why I'm here. We've talked this through yesterday," Hilde said remembering their 'meeting' yesterday.

"I don't know what this girl wants!" Hilde sighed. "She'll be sick and she'll get me sick too." Hilde looked up at the back of her friend's fiancé. "Trowa! Are you listening or not! I'm talking about ten minutes like a mad and you haven't said a word till now. Aren't you worried about Relena?"

Hilde heard him heave a sigh. He'd stopped his movements for a moment but then continued again. Hilde was feeling desperate now. With knitted eye brows she stared at the tall man in blue jeans and a green shirt. He was mixing some drink for them while Hilde leaned against the wall, waiting impatiently for the brown haired man to get ready. He picked their drinks up and handed her hers. He walked out the large kitchen to the sitting with the worried girl following him on his heels.
He lived in a bright, big house and that all alone. He'd lost his parents a very long time ago. He'd been their only child. There were no servants in the house. Simply because he didn't like it. He wanted to do all his work by himself. Though there came every day workers who cleaned the rooms up. Hilde nipped from the drink while she was sitting on the bench opposite of Trowa. Anxiety was written all over her small face. Though he was still looking calm.

He broke finally the silence.

"You know Hilde that I AM worried about Relena. So please don't repeat that again. It hurts me."

He avoided her gaze while uttering these words. Hilde noted the tone in his voice, expressing that he really was hurt. She sighed softly, hoping he wouldn't notice it. After a silence she spoke again, while she turned the half full glass between her hands.

"I'm sorry Trowa," she began softly. "I know you are, but…you know of what she's suffered. And that what happened just two days before… Have you seen the bags under her eyes? They've never been that worse. I'm afraid she won't be able to handle all this anymore."

"She's very strong, Hilde." He assured her and met her eyes.

"I know she is, but it's just… I don't want her to be alone so often. I don't know what she thinks and does when she's all alone. What's hunting her mind? And I think she's overworking, maybe trying to forget it all for a few moments. She always acts strong towards us, Trowa, but…I think she's all broken from inside." Hilde let her worries finally out to the person she trusted the most after her best friend Relena.

Trowa stared at the floor. She wasn't able to read his eyes since his brown locks were hiding them. What was he thinking?

"What do you want me to do?" he asked her finally.

Hilde hesitated.

"Talk to her," she uttered.

"No, that won't help a little. She won't tell me or you anything more than that we know… We do know through what she's been and it'll call only more painful memories up, while she'd trying her level best to forget them. Besides, I am not able to see her suffer again," he said in a soft voice.

"What must we do than? I can't see anymore how hard she's working and…"

"There'll have to be someone who keeps her company all the time and not let her think or remember about her awful past."

He looked up at her. There was a little hopeful smile playing round his lips.

"And that will be you."

"Me?" The dark haired woman frowned. "I'm already spending more than enough time with her. What do you want me to – "

"Secretary," he broke her off. "As her secretary you'll always keep her company in office time. You won't let her think too much." He winked at her, his eyes twinkling after a very long time again.

"So… what do you think Hilde?"

"I'll be going now, Hilde. Look after my little princess."

She smiled.

"Yeah, sure.

He walked out her cabin heading towards his own office that was only a few blocks away from the Darlian's company.

Hilde was still smiling while she looked in the files. She wished she too would've some one like Trowa who cared about her. And wouldn't deceive her. Hilde closed her eyes trying to wash away those hateful memories.

"Okay, Relena," she said in a whisper to herself so no one could hear her clearly. "Lets see whom you're going to meet…"

She looked up the file in the PC where the day schedules were saved. She clicked on it. The file opened and her eyes flew over the lines. Suddenly her eyes stopped. Hilde stared at the name. Her hand placed on the mouse was in a short time full of sweat, her heart was pounding in her throat. She couldn't breathe, she couldn't swallow the pain back down and away. All she could do was stare at the name.

Mr. Winner

'That bastard, rascal,' her pain turned slowly in anger. Full of disgust she peered at the name. Today of all days he'd to come just now. She glanced at the time on the screenplay when he'd be expected here. 14.30 Right now it was ten minutes for twelve. She wasn't in the mood to see that bastard today. She remembered how Relena had tried to convince her that she shouldn't take this work. She hadn't mentioned HIS name – that loser's name – because of Trowa. Or maybe because of her…

Hilde leaned back in her wheelchair. She'll see what happens. He couldn't give her a greater heartbreak than this one. She'd loved him so much – maybe too much. She'd given him everything what he'd just wanted. Everything. Still, he'd deceived her.

She stopped with great difficulty the train of thoughts and unanswered questions. She piled the files up. She'd learned to live with this – this truth that maybe he'd never really loved her. Ditched her for a richer woman. Had it been her fault her parents were middle class?

Her thoughts were interrupted by her new boss.

"So… what do you say, my dear secretary, where should we go out for lunch?"

o0o

"Trowa! What a surprise!" Relena hugged her fiancé before she let him in in the foyer.

"I was missing you, my little princess. Did I interrupt you in something?"

Relena closed the large door feeling his hot breath on her neck. She turned and shook her head.

"No, of course not Trowa." She smiled at the tall man. "It's just that its quite late. Past midnight, you know."

"Can't I see my fiancée whenever I want?" he smirked and grabbed her hand pulling her towards him and lying his arms around her small waist. He bend his head to down to bring his face closer to the girl's one. Relena stroke his honey coloured hair out of his face, trying to get a better view of his gorgeous eyes. And trying to oppress the butterflies in her abdomen.

"Whenever you want you may come, Trowa."

She could barely form the words. Relena was just about to see something but he caught her mouth in a tender kiss.

"Stay…" she pleaded when he broke away.

One nod of his head was enough. She quickly and silently grasped his hand pulling him in the large living room. He followed her willingly, not asking her once why she was such in a hurry. They came into another hall. Relena stopped and glanced at the doorway of the kitchen. Pagan wasn't asleep yet.

"Pagan, go to sleep. Trowa is with me."

She called but didn't wait for his reply. When they were finally in her large bedroom she let his hand go. In the darkness they stared at each other for a long time. Relena hadn't closed the curtains so that the moonlight was pouring in the room. Nothing was said between them both for a long time as nothing was touched. They only kept staring and breathing.

Relena was the first who moved eventually. She switched on a small light on the bed side table and peered at once up at him. He was looking as always so hot and tempting.

"Will you just stand there or what?" she lured him when he didn't move.

She couldn't wait any longer now. Not did she wanted to. He smirked and stepped towards her. Before she knew he'd pulled her in his arms. Immediately she wrapped her bare arms around his neck. He'd made her wait already for so long…

One year…

He ducked his head to nibble at her lips until he finally deepened the kiss. With his strong arms flung around her waist he pressed her body closer to his. The heat of his body was overwhelming her so much she wasn't able to bring out a word. Trowa broke away for air but quickly she caught his mouth again and kissed him fiercely surprised of her own actions. She was wanting to tell him how much she'd longed for this moment. For this night.

When she broke away missing too much air Relena saw her fiancé smirking. His green eyes were dark, completely dark and… filled with lust. Exactly what she'd wanted though she was maybe regretting her wish now, but why was he smirking so broadly? Her hands were aching for her to move his hair away. Doing so she was able to see both of his eyes.

"What are you smirking at?"

She asked a little annoyed of his mocking stare at her while she slowly undid the buttons of his coat not breaking eye contact with him. His grin grew wider as he kissed her forehead.

"You sure you can't wait?"

Relena pulled his coat finally out and threw in on the large behind him. She got herself then busy with his white shirt.

"No," she whispered.

Her voice was almost inaudible as he trailed a path of soft kissed on her neck and collarbone. He lifted her head up with his left hand brushing her cheek with his thumb. Bending his head he kissed her slowly making her ache for more.

"I meant, can't you wait till we're married?" he said in her ear sending shivers down her spine. Not wanting to think it over Relena pushed him towards the bed.

"I never said I'll marry you, Trowa Barton," she teased him. She was happy it was dark in the room so he wouldn't see her cheeks glowing. She gave him another push so would fall on the bed but before that Trowa quickly grabbed her wrist and pulled her with him so they would fall together on her bed.

He stroke her hair out of her face, grinning.

"Then I'll force you, my princess," he whispered and began to nibble her ear.

She moaned softly and her hands searched for the other buttons on his shirt she'd left. After she'd finally undone the last button he flipped her over so he was lying atop of her. She'd finally succeeded in opening his shirt. Her soft fingers travelled over the surface of his bare chest as he raised his head to kiss her. Sliding his tongue in her mouth he caressed hers gently. Relena stripped him from his shirt while kissing him passionately back. On her own she began to tug at the zipper on the back of her black nightgown. She felt his hands wander up to her hands.

"Let me," Trowa whispered between his kisses.

He was about to slide the straps of her dress down when Relena noticed that the door was open. She didn't want to see Pagan her in this condition. Gently she untangled herself from him seeing his surprised face.

"The door is open… I'll go to close it," she explained whispering next to his ear when he wasn't letting her go. She saw him sigh and he rolled over to lay with his back on the dark blue spread next to her. Sliding off the bed Relena glanced at him feeling nervous now before she hurried to close the door. Just when she'd closed the door she felt his breath tickling in her neck. Relena closed her eyes and felt herself shiver when he stroke her soft hair aside.

Trowa began to nuzzle her neck and let his hand slid in the back opening of her gown caressing the soft flesh with his long, tan fingers. She couldn't oppress the moans that were escaping from her small mouth that his fingers on her bare back were inducing. She felt how he was slowly pulling her back in the room towards her bed.

Relena's heart was racing madly and her brains had completely stopped functioning. She wasn't aware of the footsteps on the stairs coming up.. Nor when they stopped for her door for a few seconds. Finally they turned and went downstairs again without the knowledge of the couple. The only thing Relena had in her mind was him: Trowa.

She turned in his embrace to look again in those loving eyes.

"Trowa… you won't go now…"

She pleaded again, knowing that there was no need to ask it; the hunger in his eyes were telling her far too much. Trowa smiled at her and shook his head. She felt her heart beat at this even faster than before.

"I love you," she could form the words.

Her hands trembled slightly when she cupped his handsome face. Hopefully she stared in his green orbs wanting to hear him say it too. Trowa bent his head closer to her.

"Relena, I – " his voice was a little more than a whisper. "Princess, I lo-"

They both jolted suddenly back from each other at hearing a noise. Out of breath Relena stared in a daze at her fiancé. Then she laughed nervously when she recognized the sound. He was still staring frowning at her.

"Your phone, Trowa."

He let out a sigh, finally understanding where the noise was coming from. He growled a little and felt in his pockets. She watched the tall man with interest who was standing in her room and was to her luck stripped to his waist. He found his phone eventual in the front pocket of his trousers.

He didn't look very happy to be disturbed when they were just about to…

Relena chuckled a bit but then instantly stopped when she heard him panic over the phone. Shit, she'd to listen to his conversation.

"Tell me you are lying… it can't be!"

Trowa was staring through her. Her was looking as calm as he was always. It was frightening Relena. He seldom raised his voice. And he never had looked panicked like this before.

"Ok, Ok, I'm coming…Yes."

Relena zipped her gown up again. There had to be happened something terribly. Trowa tossed his mobile on the bed. He didn't look up at her but sunk to her dismay down on to the bed with his face buried in his hands. His chest was going up and down in a rap tempo up and down.

Why was he so disturbed? What'd happened? Why won't he tell?

Several questions were raising in her mind up. Questions only Trowa could answer, but Relena didn't ask them. She just stared at the half naked man, her fiancé. His breathing was turning gradually to normal again. But when he raised his head she was again the panic in his eyes, combined with something more she couldn't tell, though his face was set in a calm and serious expression now.

"Trowa…"

"Relena, I've to go," he broke her off.

She fell silence for a minute.

"No…" she uttered knowing too well he had to go. Finding her acting selfish, Relena cast her eyes down. "I understand," she finally said.

"I'm sorry, Relena," he was sounding regretful.

"I know this night had to meant a lot to you," Trowa said softly while he stood up and moved towards her.

"Its ok," she could only mumble.

She was wishing he would tell her what had happened, because she didn't have the courage to ask him. Looking her in the eye he stood for a moment for her before he suddenly embraced her tightly. Her petite form pressing against his much solder and larger body, making her feel even more afraid. She felt his panic, his fear, anxiety and him.

"It's going to be all right, my little princess. I've some little problems. I'll have to go abroad – Spain – because of my business there. It's nothing to worry, really," he tried to assure her, moving his lips against her soft, silky hair. He lifted her head as he moved his head back to hold her eyes in his stare. "I'll be back in two days, only two days, I promise," his voice was to her surprise utterly calm and again reassuring.

He stroke with his calloused thumbs over her cheeks. The movement helped somewhat cancelling out the feeling of chaos in her heart, though it came back in no time. How would she have to survive two days without him? He'd always dropped by to see her every day. That had been since… her father…

With great prudence he let her go her arms as his falling back to their sides. He took a step back while keeping his gaze at her. Abruptly he turned and grabbed his shirt and cell phone from the bedspread. She could stare at her fiancé. Turning quickly he pecked her forehead causing her to shiver. It wasn't feeling the right at least. All this hurrying… It felt like…

There was something wrong, she was sure of it, no doubt. His pace was different and far from calm when he rushed her room out, her house, the city and the whole country. Far away from her to Spain.

Relena bit on her calm wanting herself to calm down. He'd promised to return in two days. He wouldn't break it, would he?

Suddenly her eye felt on his coat. It was still laying on her bed. In his hurry he must've forget it. Relena caught blankly the coat, his scent still present. Relena hugged the cloth before she put it away in her closet. She would give it him back when he'd come back. But when? She felt a tight feeling in her chest.

'Trowa…'

Feeling thirsty she went downstairs. Relena pulled the fridge open and stared at the bottles filled with drinks. She took at least five minutes to decide which one she would take. Orange juice was finally her choice. It was to her feeling tasteless when she gulped it down her throat with much difficulty.

She didn't want to think, it would be all right, right? Small problems…

But why had he been so upset?

Relena stared at her still full filled glass. He'd been fearing something, but had tried to hide it quickly, though his pace of walking had betrayed him. She was drown in her own thoughts that she didn't notice that someone entered the kitchen as she stood with her back to the doorway. When she felt suddenly a gentle hand on her bare shoulders she snapped out of her chain of thoughts causing her heartbeat to quicken.

"Pagan!" she sighed, "Please don't ever scare me like that."

Pagan didn't answer but took a step back.

"What are you doing here in the darkness?" he asked her walking away from the blonde girl to switch the lights on. He didn't wait for her reply and asked something else causing her to stiffen.

"Where is Mr. Barton? Why was he in such a rush?"

The blonde looked away from the butler who was still wearing his black uniform.

"Nothing to be worried about. Few problems, abroad, he will be back in two days."

To her surprise when she said this aloud she felt not so worried anymore. Maybe because she was too exhausted too think.

Pagan nodded his head slowly and turned round.

"Get some rest now, Miss Relena, you'll have to go to office in the morning."

'Damn work. Shit office.'

Relena yawned feeling finally sleepy again. Pagan started walking out the kitchen, but stopped after taking two steps. Relena wasn't aware of it and was again staring at her glass. This time thinking whether she would drink it or put it back in the cooling.

Her heart missed two beats when she heard Pagan say something suddenly to her. He glanced at her over his old, crooked fallen shoulder

"If I were you I wouldn't count on it that Mr. Barton will be back in two days. Who knows, he won't come back ever."

o0o

"I'm trying to get in touch with him the past few days but I just can't reach him. His mobile is off. I don't have the number of his office there. Its all so weird. Even his secretary doesn't have the number. Nor did he call me. How careless and irresponsible could you be! Hilde, I'll tell you, when he comes back this afternoon I – "

"Will you stop talking Relena let me say something too!"

Relena's head snapped up while she was holding the receiver tightly in her hand next to her ear.

"But Hilde – "

"I called you to tell you something very important, Relena, and you aren't giving me any opportunity to talk." The woman at the other side of the line was sounding angry in the beginning but it faded when Relena heard the fear in her voice too sending shivers down her spine. What was she wanting her to tell?

"Hilde, I'm sorry…" the blonde leaned back in her bed and stared up at the ceiling. She could hear Hilde sigh.

"Relena… I've been dreading the whole day how to tell you this. Actually I shouldn't say this over the phone, but I don't have the courage to say it right into your face."

Relena closed her eyes. She was feeling very anxious about her friend's voice.

"What is it Hilde? Just tell me," Relena whispered. It would be better to hear it right away. Her heart began to beat much faster in her chest when she heard Hilde take a deep breath before speaking again.

"Relena… damn, uh… Trowa… Trowa is dead."

There fell a long silence before someone was able to speak again.

"Joke, right?"

Was the first thing Relena could bring out.

"I wish it was, Relena, but – "

Hilde stared shocked at her mobile after hearing a 'click'. Relena had hung up.

'Shit, shit, shit. I knew I shouldn't have told her it like this. Damn.'

She'd no idea what Relena would do now. The thought only made her chill. She'd to go now to see her. Hilde grabbed the car keys from the bedside table near her bed. She was only hoping Relena wouldn't do anything…

In the hallway she called to her parents she was going to Relena. She knew they would be angry on her because she was going out so late, but she was not a child anymore. They would've to face it once.

Hilde raced in her car to Relena's villa. Several disturbing, awful thoughts were entering her mind. In what state would she found her? Hilde quickly greeted the old servant and rushed past him upstairs.

'Will she be still at home?'

Out of breath Hilde reached Relena's room. She stared long at the large, white and closed door. There was coming no light from the small opening under the heavy door.

'Is she inside?'

Hilde swung the door open finding the answer.

It was dark in the room, but there was little light coming from outside as the curtains were still hanging aside. First Hilde could barely distinguish something. She took a step in the room.

"Relena?" her voice called out.

Then eventually she saw the silhouette at the corner of the bed. Relena was sitting with her knees pulled up and her chin resting on her knees. Hilde didn't turn the light on, letting it remain dark. She was too scared to see the lost look on Relena's face. It was never easy to lose many times your dear ones.

"I was waiting for you," Relena said in a quiet voice.
Hilde sat on the bed opposite Relena.

"Relena… it's gonna be okay," she said though she knew it wouldn't be. Hilde had expected to see tears in Relena's eyes but when she looked up they were totally dry.

"Who killed him?"

I'm sorry for the Trowa fans, but... Heero is (finally) coming on stage in the next chapter! So just review and I promise I'll update in less than 1 month.

Thanks for all the supporting!

Love,
Sery