Chapter 2

He wanted to yell after her, he wanted to run down the street, he wanted to stop her. But he couldn't. He felt utter helplessness. It was different than that time one year ago. Then she was leaving out of anger. They had fought, and she had run off. He could have run after her; he could have apologized. Maybe she would have taken him back. But why was she leaving this time? He had kissed her—he thought that his had let her know that, once again, he was "all in." He had always been. But she had walked away from him, and, to him, that was the same as turning down the offer. She didn't want this relationship. The kiss was a mistake.

Lorelai kept walking. Each step carried her farther and farther from Luke. With each step, her tears flowed faster and faster down her cheeks as she hurriedly wiped them away.

She felt numb. She tried not to think about what she had just done—walked away from the one man who had ever meant anything to her. In fact, he had meant everything to her. What was she doing? She didn't want to think about it, knowing that the moment she started to think about the day's events, she would never be able to stop. She didn't feel as if she had control over her legs anymore. They kept walking, and with each step it grew harder and harder to turn back.

By the time she reached her house, turning back was impossible. She felt her legs collapse beneath her as she walked up the porch steps. Weak, she was barely able to make it to the couch before she completely broke down.

The second she collapsed on the couch, her thoughts—which she had suppressed on the walk home—began to pour out, immersing her in a torrent of worries, questions, but no explanations. Overwhelmed by her emotions, she had the distinct feeling she was drowning. The pain of losing him, yet again, made her physically nauseous. What have I done? How could I ruin it yet again? He finally kissed me, why am I not happy? Why am I not still there, kissing him back? I love him, don't I? And at that moment, she knew that she did. She remembered Christopher's angry accusation that she still had feelings for Luke. He had been right, she later realized, but even he had not guessed how deep these feelings truly were. They were more than just leftover emotions from her relationship with Luke; Lorelai was still in love with him, and even now, after she had run away from him, she could not deny it. She wanted nothing more than to be with him, to kiss him again, to marry him and have his children. But things were never that simple.

A voice inside her whispered that she still had a chance, she could still go back to him, maybe they could have that future together that she had hoped for—that future that had seemed so close, so real, just a few minutes ago. If she could just gather her strength to get up off the couch and go back, maybe…

But here she stopped her train of thought. It was useless, she decided. She had built up her hopes only to have them crushed again. He never went after me, she whispered to herself. He could have been the one. I was all in. He never went after me.

She woke up the next morning curled in a ball on the couch. A blanket had been draped over her sleeping form in the middle of the night. Light was streaming through the windows, and she smelled coffee in the kitchen. For a brief moment, she forgot the last day—in fact, she forgot the entire past year—and she pretended that she had fallen asleep on the couch during a late-night movie festival with Luke. It would have been Luke brewing the coffee, she thought, as she felt that familiar sense of loss once again.

She was getting so used to that feeling that she had almost forgotten what it was like to live without it. That is—until last night. That kiss, the tiny bit of hope that she could be happy again, made it so much more difficult for her to bear the pain. It was life's cruel mockery—letting her taste happiness before snatching it away all too quickly.

"Mom?" She heard Rory whisper, tearing her mind from her thoughts.

"Mom, are you okay?"

"What? Yeah? I'm fine. Why wouldn't I be okay?"

Rory sat down by her mom on the couch, her concern obvious.

"I found you asleep on the couch last night. Were you crying?"

Lorelai knew her tear-stained cheeks and puffy eyes had betrayed her, but she couldn't bear for Rory to see her like this. Rory couldn't leave for her first job—her first steps into the real world—knowing what an emotional wreck her mother was.

Rory waited for an answer, looking patiently at her mother's face for any kind of explanation, but when Lorelai was silent, Rory just nodded. She assumed her mother's breakdown had something to do with her leaving. She understood how much had changed for her mother in the past year, and she knew that she would be lonely.

"I know that a lot is changing" she said.

"Yeah, kid, it definitely is," her mother replied.

Lorelai knew she couldn't spend all day wallowing on the couch, drowning her sorrows with her friends Ben and Jerry. So, even though she wanted nothing more than to sit back and watch Casablanca for the thousandth time, she got up, washed her face, splashed cold water on her red eyes, and got dressed. She had to bring Rory to the airport, she had to say goodbye, she had to act brave for her daughter, even if she was crumbling inside. She pushed thoughts of Luke from her mind. This day is about your daughter, she reminded herself as she drove to the airport.

A/N: Thanks to everyone who reviewed my last chapter. I know you wanted Luke to run after Lorelai, but I wouldn't have much of a story if he ran after her right away. Don't worry, I won't drag this out too long. ;)