Falsity
Just A Penniless Writer
Disclaimer: Nope, not mine.
Author's Plea: Been a while, eh? The chapter title is as much about me as it is about anything in the story. You'll know what I mean. Enjoy if you can.
Part 9: An Unseemly Interest in Curtains
A commotion outside the door caused the Auror and the Accused to look up with some amount of interest. When the messenger --a Weasley, the Accused noticed with a superior smirk-- entered and managed with a single nod to verify the outrageous claim the Accused had made, the Auror turned a venomous glare onto the Accused. The Accused merely smirked with the knowledge that his own venomous glare was much better.
"Very well. Did you face any opposition when you informed Professor Snape of your desire for his services?"
"If you are asking whether he opposed the wedding itself, the answer is no. However, he did have some... qualms regarding performing the ceremony himself."
"And why was that?"
"For one, I doubt he truly felt comfortable in such an affectionate setting. As well, he worried over the consequences that might befall him when the reality of the marriage was exposed."
"How did you convince him?"
A smirk slowly formed on the Accused's face before he responded with all the fake innocence he could muster.
"By assuring him that he would face no punishment if he accepted."
"No."
The Potions Professor, who had all but been expecting this from the moment he realized who 'Helen' was, held fast to his statement.
"Severus, she is of age. She is even consenting."
Lucius was absolutely not pleading. After all, Malfoy's didn't plead, ever. They wheedled.
"It would be entirely legal, and no one could find you at fault. She would merely be a stupid girl corrupted by me."
"No one could find me at fault? She is my student, Lucius. Dumbledore will surely kill me. Merlin knows he has been wanting to," the Potions Professor snarled.
"Really?" Lucius asked with interest. "I was of the opinion he thought you his pet."
"Did you truly think I wanted to play spy? That I wanted to teach these incompetent dunderheads for this long?"
"It was something I had questioned. But then I thought, perhaps, you were atoning for some imagined sin."
"Hmph. I created a particularly strong adhesive in my fifth year that ended up in Albus' beard. That is my 'sin'."
"He has held this grudge for this long?"
"Dear Merlin, yes. He is rather fond of the beard."
There was a pause as both men attempted to block the ideas that such a fondness spurred.
"Well then, Severus, I see only one course of action. You must marry us."
"And how did you come to such a conclusion?"
"It is quite obvious, I assure you. My beautiful fiancée has taught me that the easiest place to hide a lie is in the truth. Once our marriage is announced, there will be general uproar. Albus will never believe our love. He will need someone to gather proof of my treachery, someone I might trust. A co-conspirator even."
Lucius was aware the instant the idea hit his friend. There was hope in the professor's eyes, something that hadn't been here as far back as Lucius could remember. It was somewhat frightening.
"He will send me to spy."
"And you cannot do that when you have to worry about returning to Hogwarts."
"No more insufferable children." A nastily happy gleam attached itself to hope in the dark man's eyes. "Have the girl ready next Saturday and I will have you married."
"No bribery? No threats?"
"Absolutely not. I explained that the legalities of the marriage could not be questioned" -- Lucius pointedly glared at the Auror-- "and convinced him of my honesty."
"And so the wedding occurred without any problems?"
"Exactly as planned." He paused. "Except for her parents."
His bride-to-be was looking even more radiant as the Day approached. Her simultaneous smile and smirk was ever much befitting a Malfoy, and it made his twisted heart sing with glee.
Such was it that when Hermione approached him one day with a particularly sneaky expression, he only felt all the happier.
Until she revealed her heinous plan.
"Lucius..."
"Yes, my pet."
"I was thinking... it seems wrong that I will have no one representing me at the ceremony."
"You will have Draco and Severus."
"They cannot represent me simply because they are acquainted with me," she huffed.
"Seven years is more than 'acquainted', my pet."
"Regardless, Draco is already representing you, and as Professor Snape is performing the ceremony, he cannot represent."
She paused dramatically and he revelled in how much he had taught her.
"So, my love..." The sweetness of the epithet was tainted, or strengthened perhaps, by the devious spark in her eye. "Who will be representing me?"
There was almost a teasing tone in her voice that did not set well with him. Still, he took the bait despite his better judgement.
"Who would you like to represent you, my pet?"
Her answering smirk was every bit as malicious as it was delicious.
The Auror looked at her in disbelief, which was possibly the nicest, most sincere expression he'd had for her throughout the interview.
"You... your parents attended the wedding?"
"Of course. What sort of daughter would I be if I hadn't arranged for my parents to witness my marriage?"
"They did not protest?"
"Not one bit. They were happy for me, as they rightly should be."
"But Muggles... surely they would have noticed Mister Malfoy's age and... personality."
She smiled and shook her head with exasperation.
"My parents noticed his teeth. That was enough."
Lucius wished he could say that the day he married Hermione Granger, Nature Itself tried to stop him.
Unfortunately, or fortunately as it were, the day of the wedding dawned blue and clear. The touch of chill that was in the air when Hermione arrived at the manor that morning was gone before noon. It was an entirely pleasant day.
However, Lucius, in all his Pureblood splendour, was nervous. The marriage itself was not an issue. No, he would be perfectly happy with his marvellous little woman forever plotting by his side. Rather it was the first stirrings of panic that her parents, Muggles that they were, would spoil the whole show.
He refused to admit it was nerves that had him pacing the parlour. Of course not; it was more that he had put so much effort into securing Hermione as his wife only to have it possibly ruined by two mere Muggles. It would a ridiculously ironic end to a truly brilliant scheme. It would be absolutely... tragic.
He needn't have been worried.
"Oh. What a pretty place this is."
The slightly airy phrase made him aware of the arrival of his "honoured guests". Stepping back into the relative safety of the parlour, he waited.
"Mother, put down the curtains."
"I think this is real velvet. Roland, what do you think?"
"Father, put down the curtains."
"I believe you are correct, Marie. Hermione, this boy you are marrying lives here?"
"Yes, Father, now please put down the curtains."
"Wonderful! I knew this magic business would help make you a good match. Now where is the lad?"
"He is not a 'lad', Father."
"Of course he isn't."
Lucius hid his cringe with a sneer. It wouldn't do for him to ever be seen cringing even if there were no obvious witnesses.
"Now put down the curtains, Mother, and you can meet my betrothed."
He took that as his sign to prepare. Taking a deep breath, and attempting to remember to keep at least some of the maliciousness off his expression, he readied himself to meet what could possibly be his doom.
Two Muggles, looking entirely out of place with their loud matching sweaters, wandered into the parlour trailed by an embarrassed Hermione. She paused, taking her own deep breath before giving the Much Anticipated Introduction.
"Mum, Dad, this is Lucius Malfoy, the man I am to marry today."
Despite their looks of discontent, he forced himself to smile and greet them properly. Let it never be said that he could not act the proper gentleman.
His gesture was received much better than he had ever expected.
"My my, you have marvellous teeth. Tell me, did you use magic to get them so straight?"
"What kind of... is it 'potion', Hermione? Yes, what sort of potion do you use to whiten?"
After ten lengthy minutes of being subject to discussion involving words such as bicuspid and molar, Lucius was mighty surprised when Roland Granger turned to his erstwhile blushing daughter and said with a bright smile, "Wonderful husband you've picked, Hermione."
Lucius' wide-eyed expression of amazement looked so utterly wrong on his pointed features that Hermione could not help it. Despite the occasion, or perhaps because of it, she laughed. She laughed with absolute abandon and laughed all the harder when her parents wandered off to further examine the draperies. She was still laughing when her bridegroom approached, his eyes looking all but deadly.
"Laugh now, my pet," he whispered into her ear. "You will not be laughing after the ceremony."
It was a threat if she had ever heard one, but it was such a well done and deliciously promising threat that she couldn't help but catch her breath and lean into him.
"Only if you are good," she whispered back before promptly breaking into laughter once more.
Simultaneously grumpy and excited, Lucius contented himself with stealing a kiss that shut her up rather nicely.
"I am never good. Now, my pet, if it is not too much of an inconvenience to you, I would like to marry you sometime today," he drawled smoothly when he finally deigned to let her go.
"Of course," she mumbled before wandering off to the dressing suite to prepare for her wedding.
Lucius could not help but smile smugly. Truly it was a marvellous day to get married.
"The wedding went on without any problems?"
"Well, there were a few insects, and a gust of wind nearly sent Granger's robes up. That would have been traumatic."
"But no objections, no nothing?"
"Of course not. Do you really suppose my father would invite someone objectionable to his wedding? I think not."
"And you did not find Miss Granger's parents to be in an odd state of mind?"
"I did, but then I supposed at first they were just Muggles. Never know what to expect with Muggles. However, after listening to them ramble on about the curtains, I finally asked Granger if perhaps Imperio wasn't the best spell to use on the day of one's wedding."
"And how did she respond?"
"She just grinned and said her parents were just odd. I thought her odd for saying so, but then after being harassed by them over the state of my teeth, I had to agree. Anyone who spends that much time looking into mouths must be off."
"And so it... happened?"
"It happened. They were wed by Professor Snape under the laws of the Ministry of Magic. There was a small reception following, which they left early. Once the sounds began to be heard, the rest of us quickly dispersed."
"Sounds?" the Auror asked with a creased brow.
"Yes, sounds," Draco explained to the thick idiot. "Do you particularly think I wanted to hear the honeymoon acts of my Father and schoolmate?"
The Auror visibly gulped. Draco smirked in return.
"I thought not."