Falsity
Just A Penniless Writer

Standard Disclaimer Applies
Author's Plea: For those who are actually still interested in this story, my apologies. I have neither a good nor witty excuse. Barely edited. Enjoy if you can.

Part 11: The Fundamentals of a Successful Marriage

"And so, Miss Granger," he paused and seemed to pop his jaw before continuing. "Three weeks ago you were married, apparently in a legally binding ceremony by a Superintendent Registrar of the Ministry of Magic without any coercion. Is this true?"

The Auror was fuming, she could tell. She also didn't particularly care. After all, he was only fuming because he was incorrect and she was so vividly proving him wrong. Altogether, it was entirely his own fault for being so certain in his incorrectness.

She pitied him, really.

"It is true." She smiled in remembrance. "It was the happiest day of my life."

A groan from one of the assembled spectators that yet remained told her the flowery sentiment was well received.

"You were married legally yet no knowledge of your marriage was brought to Ministry attention. How is this so, Miss Granger?"

"Simple, really, if you had only done your research. Did you know that the Ministry only requires notification that a marriage has taken place without actual documentation of the participants for up to 15 days? It was a law enacted in 1872 to protect marriages that families might otherwise object to."

The Auror practically growled his frustration.

She merely smirked. Those present later swore that it was this smirk that proved once and for all the truth of her marriage.

"Very well, Miss Granger, how did you occupy the time before you were bound to be discovered?"

Her smirk brightened.

"I was a newlywed. How do you suppose I occupied my time?"

Truth be told, she was tired. Tired in that good way, but still tired. She wasn't even sure why she had accepted her new husband's ex-wife's invitation to Sunday tea except that she had it on authority from Draco that it was this woman that had convinced Lucius to let go, at least partially, of his prejudice.

Narcissa obviously deserved infinite gratitude for such an awe inspiring act.

"It is a wonder no one has become the wiser to your new state of matrimony," the prim woman stated. "You are simply glowing."

"I hardly see anyone anymore that isn't already aware. I only remain at Hogwarts for class and mandatory meetings. The rest of my time, including NEWT revision, is spent at the Manor. I am more surprised no one has noticed my absence."

"Still, that is no excuse for the populace to ignore something so obvious. Really, do they teach children nothing useful these days?"

"Of course not," Hermione dutifully answered. "The Ministry would never approve."

Narcissa, for all her splendour, wanted to laugh. However, laughing was too close to giggling and the like, which were simply Not Acceptable, not to mention irreparable to her well kept skin. Instead, she smothered the impulse thoroughly, letting only an appreciative smile come through which was far less damaging. The smile Hermione returned was all-knowing even if there was evidence of its continual use already making itself known on her young face. Narcissa kept politely quiet of this fact as she figured marrying an older man hardly made physical upkeep of one's self absolutely necessary. Perhaps the young bride believed lines made her look distinguished?

The afternoon was filled with polite conversation, a heated discussion on the terribly disgusting practice of putting cream in tea, and awkward silences, partially because despite her recently acquired social knowledge courtesy of her experiences as Helen, Hermione was still uncomfortable in such a setting, and partially because Narcissa had a nagging question on her mind that simply would not leave her alone.

Finally, after several cups of tea and an hour of nibbling away on some cake, Narcissa finally could keep quiet no longer.

"Hermione, dear... I would like to think there are certain issues I can address with you because of our mutual interest in Lucius."

"Of course. As his former wife, you have every right to provide input, and perhaps insight."

"I am glad we are in agreement." She paused delicately, setting down her cup with all the poise she had inherently been born with. "I wished to speak to you before the wedding regarding particular... facets of Lucius that might not have been immediately noticeable outside the bedroom."

It was quite obvious that Hermione was instantly paying absolute attention. That gleam in her eyes was well known to every Hogwarts professor.

"However," the blonde continued, "Now that you have had a week in his company, I imagine you are becoming more aware of his particular... preferences."

"Preferences... It is all fairly new to me, but I suppose I have noticed some... preferences," Hermione responded slowly.

"I suppose you must have noticed his... preferences by now."

"Yes..."

Narcissa paused in an attempt to work the wording of her intended phrase to make it as delicate as possible. After several long minutes and an attempt to surreptitiously summon a thesaurus, she gave up.

"He is incredibly lazy in bed, is he not?"

Hermione began to choke on her tea.

"I suppose some could call it submissive, but he is rather bossy even as you are doing all the work," Narcissa continued undaunted.

Hermione struggled not to suffocate.

"It pleased me so when Draco was born. By then I was so exhausted of the same tiring experience every single time... well, I did not complain when he stopped visiting my bedroom every month."

Hermione struggled to suffocate.

"I felt it was only proper to warn you. As well, though Lucius is in his prime now, I'm afraid he will only deteriorate. I fear what such a thing will do to his particular urges."

Speech finished, Narcissa picked up her tea again. In spite of her subject matter, she looked every bit as demure as a person possibly could.

It took Hermione a complete ten minutes before she was able to compose a reply, which she thought was a rather respectable amount of time considering the circumstances.

"I understand your... concern, Narcissa, but I assure you it is misplaced."

The puzzled expression was not feigned.

"You do not mind his laziness?"

"Of course I would mind. However, I have found ways around it." She paused to smirk happily. "He is bossy, isn't he? Nonetheless, I find he is significantly less so if he is unable to speak. "

Of course, Narcissa had tried this very thing in the past to little effect. Instead of any form of success, she distinctly remembered Lucius being particularly petulant after the fact and averse to being anywhere near her should she try it again.

"And he... approves?"

"Not at first. When I explained the necessity, he didn't seem to mind so much."

"Necessity?"

"After our first round that night, which consisted of more enthusiasm than skill, I clued in on exactly what he expected from regular sex. By the next afternoon I was terribly disappointed. I suppose I should have known better; after all, everyone knows that no one shags like a Hufflepuff."

"Of course," Narcissa readily agreed. It was indeed common knowledge and those with personal experience were greatly envied.

"By this time, I was particularly frustrated. 'Not that way, you silly girl!', 'No, I like you better on top', 'Stay right there and lean eighteen centimetres to your left', 'You are a good pet, yes you are'... I mean really, was anything he said supposed to be the least bit arousing?"

Narcissa rightly remained quiet and merely took another demure sip of her tea.

"And Lucius was... at the limit of his stamina. Which is exactly why I thought some tea would be useful. That it included a dissolved tablet of distilled and fermented Pepper Up potion simply wasn't something I chose to mention. From there, it was only a matter of persuasion. I find that men who cannot think for want of release often agree to just about anything. It's a particularly useful truth."

Narcissa was quite proud that her expression remained blank and did not display, other than a slight tic in the corner of her lip, her thoughts on the matter. She suspected and almost worried that no one, especially her former husband, knew exactly what Hermione Malfoy nee Granger was capable of. Of course, it meant the girl suited the man that much more, but still, everyone's ignorance would be costly and certainly make life a bit interesting.

She was looking forward to it. After all, spectacles were always so much fun to watch.

Another half hour was spent mentally taking notes of Hermione's suggestions and helpful tips to a blissful marriage before the newlywed excused herself in favour of studying, though Narcissa noticed it was not Hogsmeade she commanded the Floo to transport her to.

As she scrambled with all due dignity for parchment for which to jot down all she had learned, she allowed herself a small grin, consequences be damned. With everything Hermione had explained about Muggle concepts as applied to potions, it was quite possible to kill the wrinkle anyways.

Altogether, she thought it had been a highly informative tea.

"Mister Malfoy, once you married Miss Granger, though the circumstances behind the marriage are still in doubt, you knew your time with this… secret was to come to an end."

The Accused thought the Auror had a rather dull way of stating the obvious.

"Of course. I married a beautiful and intelligent young woman, with a particularly useful reputation. Did you particularly think I would keep her to myself? I admit I am greedy, but the public knowledge of our union was much more valuable."

The Accused paused, a particular gleam forming in his sharp eyes as a dirty little smirk played on his lips.

"Still… Three weeks with my young new wife to myself were quite… enriching. I believe I shall have to keep her to myself more often."

His new wife was trying to study.

Diligently perched on the edge of a Victorian chair as she bent over supplemental reading and furiously scratched notes in a precise shorthand that defied logic, she was practically begging for Lucius to distract her. It had been several hours since their last session and whatever substance she had taken to adding to his tea was relentless in its generosity. As well, her neck was practically begging for his touch when she so wantonly displayed it like that.

"Lucius… stop it. You know how much I dislike it when you distract me from my work."

"And you know how much it pleases me, my pet."

"Why did I bother making rules if you insist on breaking them?"

"I could ask the same of you, my pet."

"And no more of this 'my pet' business. I may have pardoned it as Helen, but I certainly will not as Madam Malfoy."

"My pet, I hardly see how you can disallow me to do anything."

"My darling, I hardly see how you can still trust to drink your tea."

He swallowed thickly and tried to remember if there had been any particularly different in the taste of his tea. However, the recent addition of the Pepper Up made it just unfamiliar enough to mask the tastes of any additional substances that may have been added. It occurred to him then that his wives, both past and present, seemed to share an affinity for slipping him potions, and perhaps it was a weakness he should address.

But Hermione was staring at him with the same cocky expression he took whenever he was about to exploit a weaker individual, and he knew that whatever she slipped him was fine as long as he continued to receive that look. After all, that look on her sweetly manipulative features meant he was about to be thoroughly pleased, even if she did make him do all the work.

Still, it was best to remember not to overly irritate her or risk waking with a crucial piece of his anatomy missing. She was capable of worse.

"I suppose one more time couldn't hurt. But then, Lucius, I must finish these notes and return to Hogwarts before anyone gets suspicious."

He smirked even as she led him to their bedroom.

"You state that you have consummated your marriage, and therefore cannot be subject to an annulment."

"I believe I more than stated that. Or perhaps you'd like details? Just the other day Lucius did this delightful thing with his little finger that—"

"That is quite enough, Miss Granger. There is no need to be vulgar."

"I hardly believe I can be accused of vulgarity in this farce. You are the one questioning my use of my wedding bed."

"Miss Granger, you will calm yourself, or I will have you restrained."

"You will do no such thing if you know what is good for you, Auror Bliley."

The two glared harshly at each other for several long moments before the Interrogator looked away. She smirked grinned victoriously as she settled her pose into something more befitting her station.

"You were continually absent from Hogwarts for three weeks," the Auror began with a sneer. "No one noticed, Miss Granger. What does this tell you?"

Hermione sniffed with affront. This man obviously did not have a future in politics, especially not once she finished her schooling. She would make sure of it.

"It tells me that my friends had some understanding that whatever I was doing elsewhere, it was important to me."

"Friends, Miss Granger? I suppose you mean Mr. Potter and Mr. Weasley."

"No, I mean Professor Binns," she replied scathingly. "Yes, Harry and Ron. Though they may not be the most attentive of boys, they certainly did question me regarding my absence. I was honest when I told them I was working on a project in addition to studying for NEWTs and therefore unlikely to be seen much. They trusted me enough not to ask what project or where I was studying."

"How have Mr. Potter and Mr. Weasley taken the news of your marriage? Or have you bothered to inform them of your nuptials."

"Actually," she responded with that now all too familiar smirk, "Other than Professor Snape, Harry and Ron were the first to know."