Disclaimer: FLCL and all associated ideas, characters, and images are the property of Gainax and Production I.G. All use on my part of the aforementioned is purely for entertainment purposes only and result in no profit on my part. I will not delay in removing this story should the property's owners request it.

FOOLY COOLY DUO

"Hey what was up with you eating the kid's face back there? Awfully suspicious…"

"I was not eating his face! It was a simple kiss on the cheek, it was chaste!"

'I don't know…it looked pretty fooly to me, maybe even a bit…cooly."

"It wasn't fooly or cooly!"

"What'd you say to him, huh? That 'you'd do the rest when you get back' maybe?"

"Don't say that, it's bad luck! Misato died in that movie you know."

"Which ending did you like more?"

"What does that have to do with anything?! He could have died! I…I just wanted him to have something nice to take with him if he left…"

"Sounds like fooly cooly if I ever heard it."

"That's it! Commander, I have to protest! This whole conversation is completely inappropriate!"

"You're right, you're right…so how is he?"

"How should I know? I'm a soldier! I break people, not fix them! Why don't you ask the doctors how he is?!"

"Well, I assumed that since you're lovers now-"

"COMMANDER!"

Chapter 2: Paper? Or Plastic?

Naota hated it when people talked about him as if he wasn't in the room. Does it make it any less rude if he's supposed to be asleep? No matter how hard he tried to focus through the fog however, he couldn't make head or tails of their buzzing voices. But for some reason or another, he just knew it was about him.

Of course, it is awfully hard to get upset while on….whatever it was they had him on now. The air feels hazy and heavy, weighing his eyelids shut. So blissful, he felt he could almost burst into a giggle or even fall asleep. Yeah, he could go either way right now.

Zzz.

It was a much less rosy Naota than came to six hours later when he awoke with an involuntary vomit. He didn't know why he was suddenly born into an existence of pure suffering, only that he was. In a matter of minutes, he wasn't in any state of mind to be questioning it. Piercing white light enveloped every inch of his vision and drilled straight into his brain through his eyes. Shutting them against it did nothing to alleviate the torture. His body squirmed and twisted with involuntary spasms. Every inch burned with an unceasing flame, only to shift into intense chills minutes later and back again. A constant crawling sensation infested his skin without end. The only indication that he was screaming was the rasping, raw pain coating his throat. He couldn't hear his own cries over the ringing reverberating through the inside of his skull.

For six days he existed like this, punctured with only the rarest mercy of a blackout. It often took upwards of six nurses to hold him down before straps could be tightened in place. However these often proved troublesome when administering aid and had to be removed when his body tired and his cries died to a whimper. Eventually they became necessary for a completely different reason. As his symptoms lessened enough for thoughts to form again, one remained prominent in his mind: his own death.

Naota's voice had died entirely and his caretakers now attempted to communicate with him through pen and paper. However, when given a blank notebook his shaky scrawl would only produce one request: "KILL ME." Over and over again he wrote, and when the baffled nurses refused, he tried to turn the pen on his own heart. He fought brutally despite his weakened state and shook loose the nurses who tried to restrain him. When the final blow was imminent, one soft feminine hand held it fast in an iron grip. Naota shocked eyes traveled up the offending arm to the face of its owner.

She had a soft smile and a beautiful bronze face framed by wisps of light blonde hair and all topped by a cute military-issued beret. The assaultive white light that had haunted and pained him for a week now served as a holy corona, framing her entirety. She had the look of a gorgeous and forgiving goddess of war, an angel in god's army. Everything about her at that moment emanated empathy and tranquility, cutting through the pain, dark thoughts, and emotional barriers like a hot knife through butter.

Naota despised her instantly.

If the young lieutenant noticed, she ignored it. "Hello Mr. Nandaba. I'm Lieutenant Kitsurubami, and I'll be your bodyguard for this moment on. I'm sure we'll get along famously!" Her smile widened further.

Naota honestly couldn't tell if she was kidding or not. His glare locked gazes with her chestnut eyes. She was one of those people he thought, the type who could smile through their eyes. Ugh! He found however, that they were also immovable, filled with a strange sort of stubborn kindness. He knew he'd lost this battle, and with a huff he released the pen. The young man then broke eye contact and ragingly flipped to his side, facing away from her. Naota refused to respond for the rest of the day, succumbing once again to the tortures he had momentarily forgotten.

Four more days feel like an eternity. More tossing, more turning, and more sweat inducing nightmares. Doctors and nurses would talk of progress, and Naota would stew silently in an agony no less crippling than a week before. And all the while the Lieutenant would watch on in constant vigilance. She would sometimes converse with the nurses of his condition, and it was through these discussions that Naota learned that the source of his suffering was withdrawal symptoms. Knowing this did little to comfort him, nor did it stay his attempts at taking his own life.

At first Kitsurubami was all smiles and made several attempts at conversation, assuring him that they meant him no harm. However as the days went on she grew increasingly exhausted. The young woman found that it was when she was most relaxed that he would make his moves. Thus, she never settled and sleep deprivation ate away at her cheery demeanor. To her credit she never once complained, giving only one small sigh at her disheveled and drawn appearance in a nearby window's reflection.

On the morning of the eleventh day, everything changed. Kitsurubami stumbled into the room with cup of coffee clutched in her shaking hand. She saw Naota lying undercovers staring unmovingly into space in much the same way he had been for all his time spent conscious. The young Lieutenant drug her feet across the room and prepared to do the same for yet another day. She nearly missed the chair when a voice, barely more than a whisper, shocked her silly.

"You're not wearing your gun."

Kitsurubami was embarrassingly flustered by this turn of events. Once she managed to pull herself back into the chair and safely set down her coffee, she turned her shocked expression towards the source. "Ex…excuse me?"

Naota's blank expression remained unchanged, nor did the crisp and quiet tone of his voice. "You're not wearing your gun."

Kitsurubami's mouth hung slightly agape, still overwhelmed. His voice wasn't raspy at all! He's been choosing not to talk! For how long? Realizing that her staring might be considered rude, she manages to stutter out an answer. "Ah, well, in the past three days you've made a grab for it five times. I thought you'd be safer if the temptation wasn't in the room." Ouch, a little more honest then she intended to be.

The young man seems to be mulling this over, turning to stare at a blank wall. The silence stretches on and starts to feel very uncomfortable for the Lieutenant, but Naota show no signs of caring. Kitsurubami was nearly ready to consider the conversation a fluke and assume it ended, but then he then said something even more surprising.

"I want to go outside."

If possible, Kitsurubami's eyes widened further. She desperately didn't want this run of good luck to end, so she answered instantly. "I think we could definitely work something out." She gave him one of her most dazzling smiles.

In minutes the nurses were called in and prepped him for his outing. They rapidly undressed him and slid on a new hospital gown and light cotton leggings. Kitsurubami put her hand to her eyes and looked away, blushing madly to ensure she wouldn't accidentally see anything she shouldn't. With an expert lift the women all managed plop him into the seat of a wheelchair. One nurse was kind enough to find a pair of DII standard sunglasses to complete the ensemble.

Kitsurubami alone wheeled him out of the room and through the winding halls of the medical wing. They spent the entire trip in mutual silence, even when they wheeled across the marble floor of the lobby and out the electric doors.

Naota hissed when the bright light of the sun bombarded his skin and eyes. Worried for his condition, Kitsurubami immediately stopped to bring them back inside but Naota waved her forward. She guided them both along a stone path that wound towards the back of the massive facility. The sky was a rich blue and large and puffy white clouds floated lazily overhead. A more perfect day could not be asked for. She found a patch of grass in sight of a simple fountain and pond, surrounded by beds of assorted flowers. Secretly it happened to be a place she enjoyed spending rare breaks to relax and enjoy fresh air and hoped he would appreciate a place close to her heart. She parked the chair and stood at ease alongside him, praying for him to speak. She did not have to wait long.

"Thank you." Still subdued, still so quiet, as if he wasn't sure if he was speaking his own language correctly.

"You're very welcome Mr. Nandaba. I could use some fresh air myself."

Naota sighed. "Have I gotten that old now? I'm a Mister?"

"Ah well if you're old, than I must be fit to keel over any minute."

His humorless face turned to meet hers momentarily, then turned to watch the fountain again. "You can't be much older than me."

"Twenty-four, not much older at all." She smiled softly, "You know it's not polite to ask a lady her age."

"I didn't."

She bit her lip, it was the truth. After turning away in embarrassment, she looks back to find him totally engrossed. His hands had reached down to softly brush the grass and his eyes drank in the sights of flying birds and flowing water. Department employees walked the paths for various reasons, some turning to return his odd stare with perplexed looks of their own. After what seemed like hours of this, he settled further into his chair and spoke again.

"I haven't seen the sky for five years. Or trees, flowers, or grass. Any of this."

Kitsurubami shifted uncomfortably, not sure how to answer. Luckily, she didn't have to.

"I apologize if I'm going about this all wrong. I haven't talked with anyone for a really long time. I've forgotten how."

Kitsurubami panicked and starting waving her hands vigorously. "No no no, you're doing just fine! Please continue."

"If you really don't mind."

"Of course not! I…I don't talk to anyone very often either." The Lieutentant blushes and turns away sheepishly. After a moment, Kitsurubami made up her mind: she wanted to hear more about his experience. She wanted him to start from the beginning, so she decided to ask a question that she already knew the answer to. "How old were you when you were taken?" Regret immediate set in, maybe she shouldn't be asking such personal questions so soon.

If he was shaken by the question, he didn't show it. "It was four days before my thirteenth birthday. I was buying a drink at a vending machine near my house, when men with guns put a sack over my head." He searched her face intently, she was hanging on his every word; He decided to continue. "It seems like a lifetime ago."

Kitsurubami listened intently as he continued his story.

"It wasn't so bad at first. I'd get fed normal food, and some of the people there would even talk to me. It was like going to school, but without any of the other kids. That made it almost nice, even if I couldn't leave. At night I knew they were doing something to me, but I didn't know what, I wouldn't wake up because of the pills." Naota's expression darkened some, but his voice still had its spooky tranquil quality. "But after a few months, they got greedy, lustful. I could see it in their eyes; they were changed by the things they were finding in there." He tapped his temple to indicate where exactly he meant. "People need other people you know. I haven't seen a person for a long time."

Kitsurubami was confused, "What? Didn't you see then men who were holding you captive after that?"

"No, I didn't see any men—only monsters. They gave up their humanity for what they were doing, in what they were doing to me, for others. Personally, I think no good can come of people giving up their humanity, for humanity, you know? I don't think it does the rest of us any favors, but then again, I'm biased aren't I?"

The question was rhetorical, and they both knew it. A shadow of guilt crosses Naota's drawn features, realizing he has been in control of this entire conversation. He swallows, feeling suddenly self conscious of his rusty verbal skills. "S-so Lieutenant Kitsurubami, would it be rude of me to ask your first name?" Seeing her shocked expression, he panics and quickly backtracks. "Of c-course if you rather I called you by your title I'd do just that, naturally."

Kitsurubami smiled radiantly in pleasant shock, which served to only make Naota that more uncomfortable. Was that a stutter she heard? He was warming up to her! She was delighted her charge was opening up to her finally. "Not all at all, you can call me Kitsurubami!"

It was Naota's turn to be perplexed. "Eh? Your name is Kitsurubami Kitsurubami?"

His companion giggles softly. "No, no, don't worry this happens all the time. You see, I don't have a last name. I was nameless when I was brought into the state-sponsored orphanage that I was raised in. My name was issued to me by the state, randomly selected." She beamed as she said all this, as if she was discussing something as simple as the weather. "A last name was deemed unnecessary for me and those like me."

Naota was overwhelmed by this pandora's box he had unleashed. His head spinning, he manages to squeak out a follow up question. "Like you?"

"Yep, I'm a product of the first generation of child soldiers. When orphans reach a certain age, they are significantly less likely to be adopted. Rather than putting us out on the streets and feeding crime rates, they pay for military schooling and special government programs. We're given a career, serving our country." Kitsurubami seemed rather proud of her upbringing and didn't hesitate to continue. "Some of my classmates were sent to the Navy, others to the SDF, ADF, ect. But…I'm the only one to have ever been selected for the Department of Interstellar Immigration." Kitsurubami beamed with pride and struck her best victory pose, holding her index finger up in front of herself. "Number one in my class!"

Naota was fascinated by the whole story, and then an idea struck him. "You're like James Bond."

Kitsurubami stayed in pose and blinked. "Eh?"

"James Bond was an orphan too. He went to school at a military academy, and he joined a secret organization, like this one." He felt like he was on a roll, "does this make you some kind of super soldier?"

The young lieutenant suddenly found herself embarrassed and waving her hands again, blushing madly. "Oh no no no, nothing like that! Just a loyal one." She thought for a moment and smiled wistfully. "James Bond huh? I like those movies. I've never thought about it that way before."

Naota had a suspicion that his bodyguard was being modest about her talent, but he didn't want to press the point. "I think I know what it must have been like. I didn't have a mother growing up either, she left my dad and I when I was about four. My dad was there, but he wasn't always there, if you know what I mean."

"Yeah, I've met your father, I know what you mean. We're quite the pair huh?"

Naota stirred some in his chair, he felt had to get something off his chest. "I hated you, you know, when you stopped me from killing myself. I was so close…I thought you were all going to use me again, I was in so much pain. Wh-why did you rescue me?"

Kitsurubami chuckles nervously and rubs the back of her head. "Ah well now I wish I had a marker board with me, because this could get a bit complicated."

"I'm a smart boy."

She smiles and nods, launching into a speech she had half prepared already. "Ok then. Currently the DII is composed of five branches spread throughout Japan. The first and most important is Headquarters—this is where the complex inner weavings of the other four branches meet. Its intentions and workings are always shrouded in mystery to even us. The higher leadership is a twisted mess of aliases and forgeries, for security purposes, or even more nefarious ones yet to be discovered. The other four branches are Public Relations, Universal Communication, Research and Development, and lastly our branch: Surveillance. You still with me so far?"

Naota nodded, greatly intrigued.

She nods and chooses her next words carefully. "Well starting with the escape of Atomsk five years ago, a series of events have resulted in a sundering in the organization. HQ has become increasingly unresponsive to our questioning and demands, as well as becoming odder in the requests it asks of its branches. Commander Amarao, my superior and the CO of this branch, you should know, tried everything in his political power to prevent knowledge of your existence. After your capture, he also tried every method at his disposal to sabotage the project. This has all made him very unpopular in the organization, with the obvious exception of his own branch. Four weeks ago, we intercepted information passing from within the DII that strongly suggests HQ's intentions for you. While R&D had been using you to bring mankind "up to speed" so to speak in this Galaxy, HQ intended to use you to attempt a rechanneling and control of the interstellar demigod Atomsk and all power that entails. That explains why they kept Canti safely intact. With you both, it is their intention to take complete political and military control of the united peoples of the civilized universe. Thus, ensuring mankind's perpetual reign.

She pauses and smiles softly. "Commander Amarao does not share their beliefs, and most definitely does not approve of their methods. Nor does anyone loyal to this branch, such as myself. He may be pretty childish, as you remember, but he can be a very charismatic leader when he wants." She shudders and shakes her fist as involuntary memories spring to her head. "And disgusting, I mean, what is with those eyebrows?!"

Naota nods knowingly, the eyebrows are quite sad.

She composes herself and starts again. "Well, not long after we learned of HQ's intentions we received word that the Galactic Space Patrol Brotherhood intended to strike against the R&D branch and make their move to claim you. They covet your N.O. which, you already know, is extraordinarily powerful. That, and they wish to keep human evolutionary progress on its normal train of development. Whether that's to ensure their own dominance, or to keep us "safe," is anyone's guess really. So, taking advantage of this information, we launched a daring and brilliant rescue operation during the chaos of the GSPD's invasion. This was surveillance's final act of treason, and solidified our independence from HQ. It was touch and go at the end there but then you…well you'll see the footage of that later. But as you can see by the fact you're still breathing, my tactics are infallible!"

"Your tactics?"

Kitsurubami beams with pride and gestures to herself with her thumb. "Why, I'm second in command of DII Third Branch Surveillance. This makes me Field Commander and the master tactician."

"Sounds like your job is really important, don't you have better things to be doing than babysitting me?"

The Lieutenant smiles and exclaims, "Don't you get it? You're the most important person in the world right now." She pauses to think a moment, "And besides, with the massive blockade that GSPD has around this planet right now, nothing gets on or off of it. So: no field work."

Kitsurubami springs back and strikes another ridiculous pose, startling Naota into giving a small jump. "So that's how it stands. HQ will soon discover that the GSPD didn't snag you and it won't take them long to find our fingerprints all over it. However, they will find themselves seriously crippled. R&D is now a hole in the ground, Public Relations is useless for any sort of combat operations and Communications will be swamped entirely when they discover just how far the GSPD's blockade is down our throats. Speaking of which, the GSPD knows very well that we have you and could make their move at any time. On top of that, there have been whisperings of Medical Mechanica sticking their hand into the cookie jar here soon too. And in the middle of it all: us, and more specifically, you."

Silence reigns between the two for several minutes. Kitsurubami assumes Naota is mulling all this new information over and waits for him to break the silence. She doesn't have to wait very long.

"Why didn't you just kill me, or even let me kill myself? Wouldn't that solve everything?"

The blonde frowned slightly. "On the surface it seems that way. But your existence among our species suggests something unique about the N.O. capability of the human race in general. There very well may be others like you right now, and if there are, chances are we won't find them all first. This is our one and only chance to finish all of this. All three organizations are coming to a head. We don't need a corpse right now, we need a miracle."

"Am I supposed to conjure up this miracle?"

Kitsurubami grins "We wouldn't mind."

Naota stretches his arms out above his head. "I'll see what I can do."

His eyes widen when the feels a fist lightly connect with the top of his head. "Not yet you won't. You're bedridden and sickly and we don't expect so much as a peep from any of the organizations for a month at least." She hums wistfully while Naota rubs the top of his head. "The passing of intelligence is a painstakingly slow enterprise. Besides, you're practically useless from the waist down."

Naota's eyes bug with shock and his cheeks flush. The blood rushes to Kitsurubami's face and she panics once more. "Oh no no no I didn't mean there! I'm sure you have a perfectly fine….ah! Not to say that…I am so hopelessly bad at this." She slumps in defeat and both remain motionless side by side, thoroughly embarrassed.

Finally, Naota pipes up, "I like your name, it's a pretty shade of brown, like your skin."

Kitsurubami smiles softly, "Why thank you, I guess that is quite a coincidence."

Another, more tranquil moment passes between the two.

"I'm going to trust you Kitsurubami."

The beautiful Lieutenant is delighted, and gives Naota another dazzling smile. "Does this mean you're not going to try to kill yourself anymore?"

Naota's head remains fixated straight ahead, and he nods.

Kitsurubami nearly collapses against his wheelchair in mock exhaustion. "Oh thank god, sleep."

And then she spots, just for a moment, the beginnings of a smile tug the corners of his lips. Nothing in her life up to that point ever felt so rewarding.

Author's Note: Another chapter comes and goes. It's fairly frustrating, I keep feeling that certain something eluding me. But I'll get it, hang in there with me, the next chapter seems promising. I know some of you may have been expecting Naota to be whooping up, but I honestly meant to deal with that at a later point. I hope you weren't too disappointed with the Naotabami fluff instead. In my rush to get this out, it's not as proofread as I would have like, so I hope it's not unreadable, I'll make sure the next chapter comes out cleaner.

Naotabami. It isn't a very popular pairing, maybe I just coined that term? I'll have to copyright it.

Naotabami©

That was easy. Anyway…

I try to make a habit of responding to those kind enough to review personally, but I've never done this before and wanted to give it a shot. I hope you guys don't mind.

To Shadowsin: My first reviewer. I hope this was soon enough, I've never realized how difficult it can be to maintain a constant stream of updates for a serious story. But, it's fun, and so I spend a lot of time at it. I'm on a laptop so a few hours a day is easy when you're mobile. It's you I was especially worried would be disappointed not getting your Naota own-fest this chapter. I hope this was ok.

To Lazy Ass Bastard: Continue I will then, because I'm sure the threat of my brain meats being feasted on is a legitimate one. I'll take the threat on my life as a positive thing. Good times.

To Azure Dream: Wow, that's really sweet of you to say. Every once and awhile I can channel that Fooly Cooly "-ness" factor, like at the beginning of this chapter for example. I think that's when the story is at its best personally, but what do you think? All those fun popculture and anime references we love so much too. I find listening to the soundtrack really helps when I write, brings all those good memories back to the surface. Does that sound horribly dorky? I suppose I'm writing fanfiction, so I guess that ship's already left the harbor. Allow me to thank you for your kind words.

See you soon guys, your reviews are like rocket fuel to me.