Disclaimer: I don't own Shaman King so please don't sue me. I will not be responsible for any sudden bursts of tears that this fic may cause or the up and down feelings that you may experience from reading this. If you need any kind of medical assistance, please visit Dr. Faust. ^^ Thank you.
Chapter 10 – Emotions
"What am I going to do with you?" The sound of her voice echoed in his head.
"Huh?" Question marks appeared all around Hao's head as he took a quick look around him to realize where he was at. It was present day and he was with Anna. The box resting on her lap with the lid open to reveal the contents that laid inside.
Anna took a deep breath and steadied her emotions. Her tears dried up, a serious and stern expression on her face once again as she reached into the box and took out what was inside it.
She slowly pulled the piece of parchment out of a small ring. She could tell that it was old, but the paper did not crumble at her touch. It had been preserved well. One hand wrapped around the ring. She didn't want to lose it without first finding out what exactly it was. Her attention focused on the rolled up piece of paper. She was hoping that it would explain or at least give her some kind of hint. She used her fingers to unroll the letter. Her eyes skimmed over the contents.
Hao stood up and watched her. His heart was beating fast as he saw her eyes trace over the letter. Was she going to remember or not? He didn't know the answer. All he could do was wait for her reaction. He wanted to know.
A blush suddenly appeared on Anna's cheeks. Her gaze shifted to look at him and then she quickly looked away.
His heart skipped a beat. She had read it. He continued to hold himself in check as he waited.
She set the box on the ground. Her gaze still turned away from him as she stood up. Her reaction remained calm and cool as she brushed the dirt off from her.
Her grip around the ring tightened and she turned to look at him. Her eyes shone with a cold, glazed over look in them. She was pissed!
"What the hell is this Hao?!" She held the open letter to him.
Hao swallowed a gulp at her piercing gaze. He was almost afraid that the icicles reflected in her eyes would shoot into his body any second now. What had he done wrong? He didn't understand. Why was she so pissed?
He took the letter from her and read it. The contents of the letter had not changed. The ink was visible. It was the same as he had written it. All the words were readable. There could be no misunderstanding, but there was some kind of misunderstanding to cause her to be upset.
He kept his head turned down as if he was continuing to read the letter. He needed to stall because he didn't understand. He had to think. Something had upset her. It couldn't be the letter because there was nothing written in the letter that could have offended her. She had even blushed after reading it.
Out of the corner of his eye, he could see that she was still staring him down with an icy gaze. He almost winced, but pushed it aside. It wasn't the time for his usual jokes. He needed to be serious. This was important. He couldn't let her see him do something like that. Not at this moment. It would only upset her more.
This wasn't what he had wanted. He didn't bring her here to upset her. Sweat dripped from his brow, his gaze focused on the piece of paper in front of him. He stared at the white of the paper as he replayed everything in his mind. He had missed something. He had misunderstood something to have upset her. Another drop of sweat fell, this time it landed on the paper. 'Oh no!'
He raised his head to look at her; a chill ran through his body. He held out the letter toward her intending to give it back to her, but he didn't see her. His eyes darted around.
"Anna?" He franticly looked around, but he couldn't see her. 'Anna.' Where had she disappeared to? The weather suddenly felt chilly. He was cold, very cold. He hated the cold because it forced him to realize the truth the truth about himself. He hadn't been able to become immune to any of it.
He wanted to lash out and scream in anger. He didn't want to remember, but his body felt numb. No words could form; no sound came from his mouth. 'No… not again…' He hadn't forgotten. There was no way that he could forget. He just didn't want to remember it all, to have to watch it replay in his mind again.
The memories were so sudden that it consumed him, drawing him into the dream. It all was as if it had happened yesterday, the emotions begun to well up inside of him. This feeling he knew all too well, it was as if it would devour him yet again.
~~~Flashback~~~
Hao stood knee deep in snow staring at the scenery around him. This was her hometown, Aomori; the central point for Itakos to grow spiritually was in this place. It was the town that she had grown up in before coming to Izumo to join the Asakura household. In the distance he could see the snow topped mountains where the sun was beginning to peak out and the faint blue sky as night gave way to morning.
This was the world that he had once shared with her, the world that he had fought so hard to protect for her, but she was gone now. Looking at it all now, it didn't seem to matter. Nothing seemed to matter anymore. She was gone and the truth was he hadn't been able to protect her. With all the power that he possessed, he hadn't been able to shield her in the end from the harsh reality that was constantly trying to destroy them because they were different, because they were Shamans. He had protected her so many others times in the past that he believed he could continue to do so until the day he died. He had never thought that she would die before him much less be killed, murdered while he was away.
He wanted to call out for her, scream from the top of his lungs just so that she could hear. He wanted her back. For all the powers that he possessed, for all the wealth that he obtained, even for his very own life. He was willing to give it all up just to have her back.
"Anna." His breath filled the air in little clouds that disappeared just as she had so easily disappeared from his life. He had been unable to resurrect her; there was no method to truly bring someone back from the dead. His precious wife, his childhood friend was gone. Never would be able to gaze upon his sweet Anna again, never to hold her in his arms and feel her hair graze against his skin. Their life together had come to this, his left to suffer without her, always.
Matamune's spiritual form appeared off to the side from Hao. The nekomata seemed to pause as he watched his master out of the corner of his eye. He could clearly see the pain written all over Hao without having to see his face.
"Hao-sama?" He waited for his orders. He also blamed himself for being away at the time, unable to protect his mistress, the one that his master loved so much, for he had also loved his mistress.
She had been the one that had saved him from a painful and early death. He had merely been a stray cat, abandoned to die with the epidemic plague that was going around at the time, but she had saved him, in more ways than one. Though he was destined to die eventually due to his sickness, he would have died like an animal if they had not taken him in. He would have never known that humans actually had a heart.
He understood what his master was going through, but knew that he could never understand fully the pain that Hao was going through. She had been his master's love, the one thing that his master had cared for. She was his master's mate. The nekomata had never had the chance to experience what it was like to have a mate. The only love that he knew was the love that he felt toward his family when they were alive. After the epidemic had taken their lives, he had learned what an empty thing the world was. Than he had met them, Anna and Hao, and they had become his family.
She had picked up the dying cat on a whim and after healing him physically. She had passed Matamune onto Hao as a present. She had believed it would do him some good to have something else in his life, a pet. Another entity that Hao could rely on and learn what it was to trust someone else. She had hoped it would help heal the wounds that the Asakura family had inflicted on him as he had grown up in their household. She wanted him to be more human and show more emotions, something that he had learned to with hold from everyone except her.
"I wish to be alone Matamune." Hao didn't turn to face the spirit as the nekomata bowed and disappeared. He would have liked for Matamune to stay by his side, but in his current condition. He didn't know what he was capable of. He rarely had ever known this feeling, this emotion that filled him with so much pain. A human emotion called depression and it was consuming him quickly, his heart sinking farther, deeper into despair.
The feeling of wanting to cry out continued to plague his mind, his heart, and his soul, as he just wanted to reach out and touch her again. He wanted to hear her yell at him, tell him that he's not allowed to be so out of it. That it was an emotion that Asakura Hao would never experience, but the truth remained that he was indeed experiencing these human emotions because of her.
He couldn't stand anymore as his knees gave way and he fell into the snow. He didn't care that it was already freezing outside or that the feeling in his feet had completely left his body. There was no reason to live anymore. He wanted to join her either it be in heaven or hell. Anna was his everything and the world no longer mattered. Let them destroy themselves. He just wanted to rejoin her, to be by her side and to protect her. He lay there in the snow for hours on until he finally felt his body giving up, his gaze settling on various things until the darkness slowly begun to draw him in. He could almost see her through the illusions as a silhouette of her danced before him. A smile played across his lips as she was there with him he thought. He would be seeing her again, his amai, sweet Anna.
Hao didn't hear the footsteps as someone approached him.
"Hey, are you alright young man?" His senses no longer seemed to be working and he fell unconscious as he waited to join her.
~~~End of Flashback~~~
Anna touched her fingers to Hao's forehead. He was burning up. The idiot had caught a fever.
She set him down on the ground. She tossed the letter and ring back into the box, closing the lid. She took out a handkerchief and walked over to the edge of the water. She dipped the handkerchief into the cool water. She ran back over to his side and placed it against his forehead.
She checked the saddle bag of the horse and found another blanket that she used to wrap around him. She didn't know where exactly they were. They were out in the middle of nowhere. There was no one else around to help them so she did the only thing that she could do, she begun to chant.