They're back from the Processing Dome in order to take a brief break at the Underground City, before leaving to the Karma Society Tower.
Roland leaves the Embryon and his own people alone when everything is set and prepared, ready to take some time for himself. He'd just agree with Gale on taking a few hours break, they need rest and supplies; after all, the Karma Society is aware of them, a few hours will not change their plans any further.
After making a self-made promise of controlling himself, Roland fills a glass with whisky and drinks it as soon as he is in his personal chamber.
Since he got his Atma things are weird, Roland thinks while he sits on his bed.
Everything feels different since then, but at the same time remains alike, unchanged, although there is a thing which differs from before, besides this new hunger, and thus it's never going to be the same. The name of that thing escapes him, but Roland can live without giving it a name.
Things and feelings without a proper and fitting definition, yeah, Ronald is quite used to them by now. (Like his feelings for Greg or his relationship with Adil)
Ronald is drinking his third glass of whiskey now when someone opens the door without knocking, he doesn't have to turn around to know who is. "Close the door, Adil."
The door is closed when Roland indeed moves to see him, noticing through the dim light of his room of how tense Adil's shoulders are and how livid his gaze stares back at him. At some point, Adil evades Roland's. "I don't understand you, Roland. Why did you--"
"Want a glass of whiskey?" Roland asks, interrupting Adil. He knows truly well why the other man is angry; the glass of whiskey on his hand is enough to prove it. In all honestly, he feels a bit guilty about breaking his promise, but right now… the alcohol feels as great as before. Plus: he can control himself. This time he can.
He is aware of the other matter behind Adil's anger.
"No, I don't," Adil says roughly. "How could you-- You shouldn't be-- You now are a m--"
"I'm a monster like them?" Roland completes with a dark tone, standing up, and he leaves his glass without looking on his desk before coming closer to Adil. "I'm not. Are you afraid of me now?"
Adil stands still, his body tensing vaguely when Roland touches his arm with a firm grip. His tone of voice remains the same as before. "I'm a fucking fool, that's what I am, because I really trusted you."
"I can control myself," Roland says, too quickly. "Adil."
"Pardon me if I don't believe a word of it."
Roland sighs, leaning closer. This time Adil moves a step away, like he might get burn. "I'll stop now, is that enough?"
"How can be that enough?!" Adil hisses, but Roland takes him by the wrist before he attempts to do anything. "Now you're even a monster like them!"
It isn't difficult to figure everything out, about Adil fears concentrating at him, and Roland can't blame him. He wants to let go a sigh again, but instead he speaks lowly. "Adil, I'm the same as before. Nothing has changed besides my resolution of fighting against the Karma Society."
"You won't do much good if you're drunk," Adil retorts angrily, but he doesn't move away. "I should have thrown away all that damn bottles long ago."
"Probably," Roland says hoarsely before he covers Adil's eyes with both hands, pressing Adil against the door. For a brief instant, when he starts to feel the side-effects, Roland realizes that he'd take more whiskey than he should have and it's starting to numb his senses. He breaks the tense silence between them to whisper. "I'll not lose myself."
"Roland, stop whatever you're planning to do," Adil says. Roland feels Adil's breathing under his fingers. "We have no idea of what will happen if…"
"Trust me." It isn't a plea, but it isn't an order either.
Adil doesn't say anything in response, he doesn't move even when Roland leans to kiss him. After a moment he murmurs roughly, trying to move away but Roland doesn't allow him to. "You stink of alcohol."
"Take it as a memento, my friend. Because this is the last time," Roland says, but it isn't a promise.
Adil is the one who sighs now, Roland can tell he is just a second away to smile at him. "I'll believe it after we do get back from this damn mission and you remain sober for a whole month."
"We have a deal."
Roland himself isn't sure about making any more compromises, even less after everything that have happened until now, but when he starts forcing Adil's clothes off and he is kissing him with both eyes closed, he almost forgets about Greg without being dead drunk.
Next time, he will be able to do it without drinking at all.