I do not own the rights to Summerland or any of it's characters, but I DO own the rights to Teresa Coleman, her family, friends and her story.

Thanks to: ChrssyD. and Shelby for reviewing.

Shelby: I'm glad that you like Derrick, I like him too and I also don't like the fact that a lot of writeres forget him! Thanks again!

Okay y'all, I really, really, really, need more reivews than what I'm getting if I'm gonna continue this story!!! So, if you're reading it but not reviewing, PLEASE do. All you have to say is, "Hey, I've been reading your story and I like it!" Or whatever you want to! Thank you.

Now read!!!

Chapter IX

Talk To Me

Bradin walked home alone, it was 9:30pm, he sighed. He had gone to Teresa's party and met her family; they all fell in love with him and said he should come over as much as he wanted. None of them mentioned anything about Teresa having had a brother, and Bradin didn't ask, for fear he would put a damper on her birthday. Bradin had felt better today than he had in 2 months, he felt like all of his fears and problems were gone, but now, walking home alone, all the feelings returned You don't deserve a girl like her, not even as a friend! She's so happy and innocent and you're so sad and trashed. Bradin's mind screamed at him, Don't stay friends with her! You're starting to like her and that is not good. You cannot like her; you can't get close to anyone! Not ANYONE, no matter how much they might act like they like you or how much you think you can trust them. You can't trust anyone, you've learned that and you had better remember that before you begin to trust somebody and have them hurt you again! Bradin shook his head trying to shut up his mind but it kept right on talking until he reached his aunt's beach house. Everyone seemed to be, either gone to bed, or in their rooms for the night. Bradin quietly shut the door and started upstairs, he saw his aunt's light on and knocked softly on her door. She opened it, "I'm back," he said.

"Okay, did you have a good time?" His aunt asked him nicely.

"Yeah," Bradin looked down, "I'm going to bed."

"That's good," Ava tried to smile but the downcast look of her nephew made her worried again, "Okay, I'll see you in the morning, sweetie. Oh, and Derrick's not here, he spent the night at Martha's"

Bradin nodded without looking up then turned around and went into his and Derrick's room. Bradin shut the door behind him and took a deep breath. "Bradin?" His sister's voice startled him. "Huh? Um... yeah?" he asked, turning on the light. Nikki was sitting on his bed, a piece of paper in her hand. Bradin's heart raced.

"Bradin," she repeated, "you remember that piece of paper D had this morning?"

Bradin nodded, knowing where she was going with this.

"Well it wasn't mine, it was yours. I found it and stuck it in my diary yesterday and then Derrick saw it fall out, and before I could pick it up, he had it. I didn't want Aunt Ava to read it, but Bradin," she said sternly, "You either need to tell me what's going on or I'm telling Aunt Ava."

"Wh- what paper do you mean?" Bradin tried to sound as if he had no clue what she was talking about but he did. She had found one of the pieces of paper he'd written trying to get his feelings out and then, oh so idiotically, not thrown away.

"Bradin," she almost sounded mad though she kept her voice quiet, "you know what I'm talking about!" And, Bradin, frankly I'm worried." Nikki gave him the note she had in her hands. He looked at it then looked at the floor. "Brae, what's going on?"

"N- nothing, I- I'm fine," he stumbled through his words, "J- just leave me alone!" Anger flared up in his eyes and he leaned harder against the door.

"Bradin," Nikki said. She got up, walked over to him and put her hand on his shoulder, "Bradin-"

"Don't touch me! Don't get near me, just go away!" Bradin threw her hand off his shoulder, walked towards his bed and fell on it, face down, "Just leave me alone," he mumbled into his pillow.

"Fine, then I'll go to Aunt Ava," Nikki said and snatched the paper out of his hand.

"Nik wait! No, please don't talk to her... please..." Bradin said, his head still buried in his pillow.

Nikki noted the fear in her brother's voice, she sat down beside him and said softly, "Talk to me, Bradin."

"No."

"Bradin, if you don't, I'll have to tell Aunt-"

"No!" Bradin was mad at her now, why wouldn't she just go away and pretend she hadn't found that damn note?

"Bradin," she said so softly that it was barely loud enough to hear, "listen to me, you need to tell somebody what's going on with you. We- I care about you and I love you. I can not bare to see you like this, please, Bradin, please talk to me." Nikki said soothingly and put a hand on his shoulder.

"Please don't touch me," Bradin sounded close to tears.

"I'm sorry." Nikki apologized, taking her hand from his shoulder, "Talk to me."

"Nik, I- I- I can't, I mean, I- it doesn't matter, you can't help..." Nikki was sure he was crying now, but she couldn't see his face, "I- I don't wanna talk about it... please..." Bradin shook with what Nikki assumed was sobs, but was really fear.

They sat in silence for at least 35 minutes. Eventually Bradin's body became still and his breathing quieter until Nikki was sure he was asleep, she decided to get him to talk tomorrow. She got up, turned off his light and quietly slipped from his room and into her own.

She sat on her bed and reread the note Bradin had written, what did it mean? What had happened to her, once strong and carefree brother, and when?

Nikki's head hurt from thinking by the time she crawled under the covers. She offered up a silent prayer for her beloved brother, then read the note one last time, it said:

God, Mom always told me that if I needed to pray but couldn't find the words, to write You a "prayer letter" and You would see it, God, I hope she was right. Please, please take this shit away from me, and I'm sorry to be cursing to You, forgive me. And Dad always told me that when he couldn't take life anymore that he would write out all the problems and it helped him cope, so I hope by combining the two, well, maybe one of them will work.
Here it is: Aunt Ava has been good to me, yes, she has. And all of her housemates too, Nikki and Derrick seem to be coping fine, I just don't see why I can't too. But since the dreams started, I haven't been able to take anything, even as good as I could right after Mom and Dad died... I miss them, that's more than true. I think I might be able to handle the dreams of them and the memories, but then, then the nightmares began.
Things would be going happily and normally, just like old times, then something would happen, something horrible, morbid. I wake up in a cold sweat and it all just seems so real, so deathly real. It's like reliving that terrible night all over again.
And last but definitely not the least of the things bothering me is my inability to trust anyone. Thanks to that fucking bastard I don't think I'll ever be able to again. I have nightmares about that too, they're worse than the one's with my parents, they too, seem so damn real! I can't take reliving another one of those gruesome nights. It's like reliving each second, each pain, each stifled scream, each moment of being too weak to scream had I wanted to risk it, each blow, everything he did, everything I hoped to forget, everything, everything. Every bruise and scar that I wished would disappear is still there and after one of the nights I have a dream they seem to stand out vilely.
I wish it would all just stop. I wish it would all go away, go back to how it was before, when I could be in my mother's presence, and just by her being there, be assured that someone did love me. Aunt Ava says she loves me, but, I... I don't know if I can believe that. We were a burden coming here and just being "thrown" into her life! All the adjusting we've all had to do and the many sacrifices she's made, I just don't know why she would love us. I think she did all the things she did for us out of respect to my mother's wishes... but I could be wrong, I could be very wrong. I hope I am, but I still don't feel the comfort and security that I did around my mother, I don't feel the love.
Now I don't even want to, I don't want her to love me anymore like I did when I got here. Though ever since a year ago, I haven't wanted anyone too close to me, I still wanted to know she loved me, but now I don't even want that, I just want- I... I don't even know. I'm just taking life day by day, and hoping, somehow, I can learn to trust someone again, but I highly doubt it. I don't feel like I can ever trust or love again. God, please help me...

Tears ran down her face and onto her chest wetting her clothes. She tucked the note safely into her pajama pants pocket, confident no one would get it there, then fell into a restless slumber.

Now that you've read it, it't time to review it!!

Anna Christie AKA SecondStarToTheRight15