Friends: TOW the Drunken Morning
Disclaimer: I own nothing friends…unfortunately.
Note: I think this will take place right after TOW the Get Together (5th season—that I made up, not an actual episode). All you need to know is everyone has a hangover—which is why they're acting this way.
(Everyone wakes up…they all fell asleep at Monica's from the get together.)
Ross: (he touches his head) Ah, is there beer in my hair?
Phoebe: (touches it) No…but you do need a shower. Your hair is greasier than a hobo's dog's coat of fur on a sweaty day. (everyone stares)Yes, I've felt it!
Joey: You're a drunk lousy!
Phoebe: No, I'm a great drunk! I can prove my hangover's better than yours!
Monica: Oh, I want to play!
Chandler: Damn, I was hoping the hangover would get rid of Monica's aggressive side….
Ross: And I was hoping it would make Monica less manly. I'll let you in on a secret… (leans in towards Chandler and starts screaming) you can't expect anything from that cat lady!
Rachel: Monica never owned cats! Maybe some very adorable cleaning products… but never cats!
Ross: But she could! Right? Right!
Joey: It's like Mr. Heckles in Ross's body!
Chandler: (staring on into the distance) Or just Mr. Heckles….
Phoebe: But really, darling, I've had so much more practice at mornings like these than all y'all!
Joey: Cowboy country!
Rachel: Woohoo!
Monica: Come on, you guys!!! Let's play hangover war! I WIN! I WIN! I WIN!
Ross: We haven't started yet, silly!
Rachel: My old friends, when they had hangovers as teenagers, they would plan scavengers around town! And try to win! Oh…we could do that!
Chandler: You mean scavenger hunts?
Rachel: Yes!
Monica: Oh! Yes! Yes! YES!
Phoebe: Well, we've established that!
Joey: Wait (thinks over the idea for half a minute)…now, we've established that!
Monica: Boys vs. girls! Boys and girls! BOYS AND GIRLS! Your going down, Ross!
Ross: No, your going down, Mom!...I mean Mon…or Mom?
Chandler: Ok…paper and pencil… paper and pencil…here! (he grabs a paper and pen, and gets ready to write)
Rachel: That's a pen! Stupid! (Chandler stares at her)
Phoebe: Ok...you have to get someone's number at any convenient store…a picture of someone on your team sticking their head in the pond in Central Park….
Rachel: And a kiss from Gunther!
Monica: How drunk are you, Rach?
Rachel: But the guys won't want to get that!...well, Chander might….
Ross: No! Once a cheater, always a cheater!
Rachel: Are you implying I cheated on you when we dated! (Ross just laughs)
Joey: Ok, Gunther for the girls and another woman at Central Perk for the guys…but, you know ladies, if you want to get a kiss from the ladies also, that's not breaking any rules, but I picture will be necessary.…
Chandler: And a picture of someone on your team pouring beer behind the counter anywhere that sells it at this time in the morning!
(They discuss some more and come up with a full list for the scavenger hunt. A copy is made, and they are just about ready to play.)
Monica: Ok, GO!!!!! (Everyone except Joey immediately stands up)
Joey:…oh! (He stands up too)
Phoebe: Monica, Rachel, come on! (They walk towards Phoebe slowly) Years on the street and I settle for helping the clumsy!
Ross: To the beer first!
Rachel: Central Perk! Come on you guys!
(They all race out the door with their teammates ready to kick some butt. Rachel, Phoebe and Monica reach the coffee house.)
Monica: Ok, everyone huddle! (whispers) First, we'll get Gunther's kiss, and get some beer if we can, then we will head off to central park to get our heads dunked in...and while we're there we can get a picture of someone walking a dog—and on the way, if you see any convenient stores, tell me! Ready!
Phoebe: Let's kick some ass!
Rachel: (walks up to Gunther at the counter) Gunther, do you sell beer at this time in the morning?
Gunther: We don't sell beer at all…but for you, I could do something….
Rachel: Great, and I need a kiss.
Gunther: (Staring) I knew some sense would get knocked into you!
Monica: Ok, we're on a tight schedule, so Rachel I will get a picture of you pouring beer, and Phoebe can get the kiss from Gunther.
Gunther: Wha-
Phoebe: (kisses him) Oh, did you just have some iced tea? I can taste it!
(Ross, Joey and Chandler walk into the coffee house.)
Rachel: Gunther, can you do something for me?
(Gunther nods his head.)
Rachel: Great, don't give any beer to Ross! Bye!
(Ross walks over to the counter and Phoebe and Monica go to see Joey and Chandler, who are talking to some ladies.)
Joey: Yeah, so… (he leans in for a kiss)
Phoebe: Joseph! Don't you dare! And lady, don't take my man! I am dating him, and if you make any move on him, I will hunt you down! I'm watching you! (The lady backs away and so do her friends.)
Chandler: Hey, that's cheating!
Monica: Run!!
(The women run out of the coffee house, cracking up.)
Rachel: To Central Park!
Phoebe: Weren't we were just there?
Monica: No, honey, park, not perk.
Phoebe: Ohhh, gotcha…hey! I finally get why it's called Central Perk!
Monica: Good for you, now lets go!! Come on!
(The scene changes to Joey, Ross and Chandler in the streets.)
Chandler: That was a great kiss!
Joey: That you stole from ME!
Ross: Come on you guys! We need a picture of one of you lying in the streets!
Joey: Not me! (Ross and Chandler look at each other.) No!!!
Chandler: Hey, I got the kiss! (Joey's eyes narrow)
Ross: Now! (Ross and Chandler shove Joey into the street and snap the camera)
(The scene changes to Monica, Phoebe and Rachel at the pond in Central Park.)
Phoebe: So who's going to stick their head in?
(Everyone stares at each other.)
Monica: We don't have time for this! (Monica and Phoebe nod their heads in agreement)
Rachel: What was tha—
(Monica and Phoebe shove Rachel into the pond and takes a snapshot. The scene changes to Ross, Joey and Chandler walking to Central Park while fighting.)
Joey: How could you guys do that?
Chandler: Hey, I had to get the kiss!
Joey: But that was a kiss!
Chandler: Yea it was! (Joey stops walking and tackles Chandler.)
Ross: Hey, break it up!
(The scene changes to the ladies, walking away from Central Park.)
Rachel: That was sooo unfair! And you were only supposed to get my head wet!
Phoebe: Oh, stop complaining! You're acting like Chandler! (Rachel stares at Phoebe)
Monica: You guys, stop fighting, let it go. We have to win! COME ON!
Phoebe: Hey, look, it's the guys!
(The women look over and see Chandler and Joey fighting, and Ross trying to break it up. The three women walk over to them.)
All women: Losers!
Monica: My team will so beat you to the ground!
Rachel: Since when is it your team?
Monica: I mean…come on you guys, there's a dog to walk! (She runs after the dog. Rachel and Phoebe let it go and follow Monica.)
Phoebe: (to the owner) Your dog is so precious! Can I pet him?
Owner: Go ahead.
Phoebe: And can I hold his leash?...It makes me feel more comfortable around pets…I think….
Monica: (to the owner) Move it buster! (She grabs the leash from out of his hand and hands it to Phoebe. Rachel takes the picture.)
(The scene changes to Ross, Chandler and Joey standing in front of the pond in Central Park.)
Joey: (whispers to himself) Payback time….
Ross: What was that, Joe?
Joey: Oh, nothing. (He sneaks up behind Ross and Chandler and shoves both of them in the pond and takes a picture. Chandler's head bobs up and gives Joey an evil glare. He grabs Joey's ankle and pulls him into the pond as well. They start yelling, and then, all of a sudden, they start cracking up. The scene changes to Monica, Rachel and Phoebe at a convenient store.)
Phoebe: (points to a man) How about him?
Rachel: He's so ugly!
Monica: Well you're not going to actually call him!
Rachel: Fine… (she walks up to the counter) Hi, I'm Cindy. I've seen you around and I was wondering if I could get your number?
Worker: (smiling) Of course you want it! Here (he writes it on some scrap paper) Call me tonight!
Rachel: Sure… (The worker winks. Rachel cringes in disgust, and they all walk away. Just then, the guys walk into the shop, all dripping with water.)
Monica: You know, only one of you needed to get wet?
Ross: Shut up! (Phoebe gives Monica a high five.)
Worker: Hey, if your wet you must stay outside!
Chandler: Shut it.
Joey: Come on, I am getting the number this time!
Monica: (whispers to her teammates) Watch this. (She walks up to the guys, where Joey is talking to a lady.) Hey Joe, I haven't seen you in so long!
Joey: Wha-?
Monica: Are you finally out of the hospital?
Joey: What hospital?
Chandler: NO!!
Monica: You know the mental hospital. I hope your doing better. That man you almost killed, he finally forgives you! Well, have a nice day!
Joey: (stares, trying to understand what just happened)…ah! No!
Ross: Cheater!
Monica: Oh no, Ross, that's you! (She leans into the woman) A little advice, this man here (points to Ross) will cheat on you. And this man (points to Chandler) will use you. Let us women look out for each other, ok? (She walks away and the lady looks at the three guys in disgust.)
Rachel: That was amazing!
Monica: Thanks!
Phoebe: We are so going to win!
(Phoebe, Monica and Rachel enter the coffee house again just to sit down and rest for a minute, while Monica explains what to do next. But since everyone was so tired, they ended up drifting off to sleep. The guys walk by and see them all asleep, laugh, and walk inside.)
Chandler: They are going to be so pissed!
Joey: So, the mustache?
Ross: No, that's so old…how about loser on the forehead, and tie their wrists together.
Chandler: Perfect. (They do that and leave.)
(Outside the coffee house)
Ross: Where's Joe? (They look inside and see him asleep on the chair.)
Chandler: Should we leave him?
Ross: Well, we don't have the time to wake him up…it takes at least five minutes to do it right….
Chandler: But the women will eat him alive! (They smile at each other, still angry about Joey shoving them into the pond.)
(Back in the coffee house—Monica wakes up, sees what happened, and wakes up the others.)
Phoebe: No!
Rachel: Gunther, how long were we asleep?
Gunther: Exactly five minutes…but it's not like I was watching or anything….
Monica: Come on; let's get this rope off our wrists.
Phoebe: Gunther, some help?
Gunther: Fine…. (He unties the rope and the women all try to get the 'loser' off their forehead. They spot Joey.)
Rachel: Perfect, Chandler and Ross left him here.
(The women put his hand in some warm water and set off.)
Monica: Ok, we still need a picture of someone in the street, someone posing next to a manikin in a clothing store, a dirty magazine, and that's it.
Phoebe: Ok, I will get in the street this time, and Rachel, you can pose with the manikin at Gap, and Monica, go get a magazine over their.
Monica: Since when are you boss?
Phoebe: Just go!
(The scene changes to the guys finishing up what they need to get. They head back to the coffee house to call the other team. The women are already sitting on the couch.)
Rachel: Looks like we won.
Ross: Looks like your head still says loser! Hey, what did you do to Joey? He reeks!
Chandler: Fine, show us what you got.
(They share their things.)
Ross: Hey, there is no picture of you with a manikin!! We totally win!
Monica: Rachel! I leave you with one thing and you screw it up!
Rachel: I'm sorry!
Phoebe: Well, let's see what you guys got! (Ross and Chandler show what they got.)
Monica: That's not beer! It's coke!!! You thought you could fool us? We win! WE WIN! I WIN! I WIN!
Chandler: No, I believe it is a tie!
Monica: No, you…you left Joey here, that's bad sportsmanship! So I-I mean WE WIN!
Ross: But you guys cheated! You told Gunther not to give us beer!
Monica: So? We still win!
Phoebe: Monica, let it go.
Rachel: Yea, it's a tie.
Monica: NO!
Ross: Whatever. But hey, we did learn that Joey is the lousiest drunk!
Chandler: Should we wake him up?
Rachel: Let him sleep.
Everyone: Ok. (Everyone except Joey walks out of the coffee house and go home. Later Joey wakes up.)
Joey: What reeks? And is there coffee on the chair—something's warm? Where is everyone?
End Creditss