It had been two weeks since Gil had told Catherine the truth of his feelings for her; two weeks since she had confessed that she wanted only him. In many ways they had been the happiest two weeks of his life, but they had also been the scarriest. He couldn't seem to get over the feeling that she would change her mind; that she would look up and think he was too boring or just not good enough. He found that he frequently had to remind himself to breathe. Everytime she entered the room his heart seemed to stop and he would have to tell it to beat again. He watched her all the time and the others were beginning to notice. Brass shot him a knowing grin everytime they saw him. But he couldn't help it; she was like an angel to him, beautiful and shimmering. He knew that he was in deeper than he had ever been before and lived in fear of the consequences if she too turned away from him. He was like a moth drawn to a flame; he just prayed her flame wouldn't burn him.

They were driving to a scene in Henderson. He'd made her drive because, frankly, he was afraid he'd watch her more than the road and they'd never get there. And so he was watching her; studying the outline of her features in the nightlight. She had such a beautiful face which made for a beautiful silouette. He knew he was smiling; he couldn't seem to help that either.

"Stop that," she chastised.

"What?" He answered innocently.

"You're staring at me again."

"I can't help it if your beauty enchants me." He grinned.

"Hmmmm, now Gil, this is just getting annoying. How am I suppossed to concentrate on a case if you are staring at me all the time?" she asked playfully.

"Okay, you concentrate and I'll stand behind you and you won't know that I'm staring. The view from back there is pretty good. I've been admiring it for years."

"So, you were oggling my tush all this time?" She was laughing now.

His broad smile answered for him. "And I plan to continue to oggle...that and you're other attributes also. Get used to it."

Lustily she replied, "then be prepared for similiar attention."

She turned down the street to the crime scene. Pulling to the curb, she turned off the ignition. Their demeanor changed and two professionals emerged from the Denali.

Brass was waiting at the yellow tape. "What we got?" Catherine asked.

"A bad one. A woman, Jenna Wilkes and her baby." Jim looked at his notes. "Baby is fourteen months old, named Austin. Looks like she died trying to save the baby. He's well," Jim looked sick. "You'll see. But this one's going to make you sick; be prepared."

Gil blanched at Jim's words.He hated the ones where kids were involved, especially babies. Neither Catherine or Brass missed his loss of color. Touching his arm Catherine leaned into him. "You okay?"

Grissom swallowed and nodded. They walked slowly toward the house. "Oh...my...god," Catherine muttered as they entered. Gil froze in place. Blood was everywhere. The edged their way around the room to the bodies. Catherine knelt beside the mother. Gil stood looking down at the corpse of the infant. Suddenly he turned and bolted out of the room. In all their years of working together, Catherine had never seen him react like that. She followed him out and found him pacing in the street.

"Gil?"

He turned to her, wide eyed with fear and ...something else. "Cath, I can't...work this one. Call Nick.I'll get a ride back with one of the uniforms. You have to handle it. I can't...go back in there."

"Gil, what it is? I know you ..."

He walked off before she could finish.

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Catherine and Nick arrived back at the lab a few hours later with evidence to be processed. After ensuring that the proper people were involved in the analysis, Catherine headed to Grissom's office to find him.

"Gil?," she called softly as she knocked and entered his dark office. He either wasn't there or he had turned out the lights to help fend off a headache. Looking toward the couch, she spotted him. "Migraine?"

He moved his arm away from his eyes and grunted.

"Did you take your pills yet?"

"Can't find them..."

Smiling at his continuing battle with losing his pills, she walked over to his desk and opened the second drawer. Shuffling through the contents she found the magic bottle. Heading back to him, she opened the cap. "Here," she said.

He sat up and gratefully took two pills from her, popping them into his mouth. She went to his fridge and came back with a bottle of water. Handing it to him, she spoke. "Nick and I brought back a lot of evidence. I think we have a good chance of finding whoever did that."

He just nodded, his head hanging. She seemed to be waiting for something but he didn't feel like talking. Then he remembered that they were trying to be more open with each other. He really should say something.

"It reminded me of a case I had back in LA, when I was a coroner. That baby's name was Noah. He was younger than this baby, but..." Catherine was frightened by his look. She had never seen him so openly hurting from a case. He looked devastated.

"These are the worst kind of cases...but you've never liked cases involving children anyway."

Gil sighed. He didn't want to talk about it but he needed to. And he needed her. Slowly he reached in his pocket and pulled out his wallet. Fumbling behind some cards he pulled out a picture and handed it to her.

Curious, she looked from his forlorn face to the picture. It was of a baby, seven or eight months old, she guessed. He had a happy smile and big blue eyes with curly brown hair. Oh..."Gil, this is ..."

"My son." A tear trailed its way down his cheek. She sat down next to him and put her hand on his, her eyes inquiring.

"I was working at the morgue when two bodies were brought in. One was an adult male and the other was a nine month old infant. I opened the smaller bag to find the face of my son staring back at me." Horror enveloped his face as he remembered that night. Catherine had so many questions but knew better than to push. He would tell her in his own way.

There was a girl I had met at school, Carol Monroe. I think I was in love with her but I was only an amusement to her. After we broke up, she came to me and said she was pregnant. She wasn't sure who the father was but I was one possibility. After he was born, there was no doubt. But I had the tests done anyway. She was spending a lot of time with ...well, they were into the 70s lifestyle; drugs, sex, and whatever diversion they could find. I was trying to get custody of Noah, but in those days fathers, especially unwed ones, had little standing. She let me keep him when she wanted to party, but it was never a regular schedule or anything. I volunteered just so I could see him. He was so beautiful, Catherine...and such a happy little guy. Before I knew waht was happening he had my heart all twisted up with his." He looked at her; so much pain and sadness in his eyes that her heart was breaking.

"One night Carol was having a party. One of the guys that hung around all the time was a speed freak. He was high and started hallucinating. At some point Noah started crying. The freak hallucinated something about Noah, we'll never know what, and threw him against the wall." Gil's face was twisted with the pain of knowing how much his son had sufferred. "My precious boy...he...fell to the floor and the bastard, he...stomped on him, crushing his tiny body." Catherine was crying now. She hugged him tightly, "No, Gil...oh, no..."

Gil paused a minute and collected himself. "Carol, pulled a letter opener out her desk and stabbed the guy. He was the second body. She spent some time in prison and I have no idea what happened to her after that."

Catherine continued to hold him until he lossened his grip on her. He sat next to her, looking very lost. She looked back at the picture. "He's so precious, Gil. And he looks so much like you. I'll bet you were a good daddy, when you had the chance, I mean."

"I couldn't protect him and keep him safe. He was in danger and I knew it. As hard as I tried I couldn't get custody. I should have just taken him and run away, but I didn't. I should have been a better father. Keeping your children safe, that's a father's job."

"Gil, you did all that you could. His mother made some pretty bad choices. You had no control over that."

"After that, I just couldn't face any more pain. I think I had been building walls all of my life, but after Noah...I made them impenetrable. Since then, I haven't let anyone in...until you." He looked at her, his eyes at once trusting and pleading.

Catherine understood what he was saying. He had trusted her where he had trusted no one in what, thirty years? Until now she hadn't fully understood what it had taken for him to open himself up to her. She had to be sure he never regretted it.

She held his face between her hands and looked into his eyes. "And I am in, Gil. I'm all in. What hurts you, hurts me. When you are ready, I want you to tell me more about you and Noah. He's too precious for you to keep him all to yourself. Please share him with me."

He swallowed, a little of the sadness lifting from his face. Nodding he said, "Yeah, I will. But not just now. I can't..."

"No, not now. In little bits maybe. Just when you are ready." She smiled a sad smile. "And Gil...I love you. With everything that I am, I love you."

He hugged her again; a hug filled with need and also relief. "I love you too, Cath. I really barely know how, but I do love you."

He pulled away a little. Holding her hand he slid back, his head reating on the back of the couch. Telling her about Noah nad brought some relief but his head was still throbbing. Recognizing the symptoms, Catherine slid off the couch. "Lie down and try to rest. I'm going to go check on the case but I'll keep you posted. Sleep for awhile and I'll wake you later. " He stretched out again and she bent, gently placing a kiss on his forehead. He grabbed her hand and smiled. Then he kissed her hand and squeezed it before letting go. She quietly closed his door on the way out.

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