Gil's hospital vigil frightened all of his friends. He wouldn't leave, even to go home and shower and change. Jim had Lindsey bring some of his clothes and Jim and Nick had walked him to the bathroom to shower. He wouldn't leave Catherine to go eat. Everytime someone came to check on Catherine, they stopped by the hospital cafeteria to pick up food for him; most of it went untouched. There was a growing concern that he probably didn't sleep either. They all tried to talk him into taking a break but he refused. He would talk to them a little but he never left Catherine. Quite simply, he had to be close to her. Finally one of the nurses mentioned the situation to Catherine's doctor, who ordered Grissom to go home that night and sleep. If he didn't, the doctor threatened, then he would be banned from Catherine's room. Furthermore, he was only allowed to visit during visitation hours. The doctor reminded him that he wouldn't be able to help Catherine if he was too run down and in the hospital himself when she was released. . Grissom tried to sleep that night. He actually did for a couple of hours but then he spent the rest of the night pacing. He paced their bedroom but the emptiness without her was too much. So he paced the living room. Finally he paced around the bugroom. Sometime during the early hours of the morning Lindsey woke up. She headed downstairs to get some water and heard a noise from his bugroom. Standing at the door she heard him, sobbing. Unsure of what to do, tears began to fill her eyes too. He was hurting and she didn't know how to fix it. Mom was good at making him feel better but Lindsey didn't know how she did it. But she couldn't just stand there either. Slowly she walked into his study. "Gil?"

He became very still. She sensed, rather than saw him try to collect himself. She stepped closer. "Gil, I know you're worried. But the doctor said the worst is over. Mom's going to be okay."

Finding his voice he replied, "Yeah, she'll be fine. I just..." he sighed deeply.

She stepped over to him and put her arms around him. "It's just that she scared us so bad."

Despite his anguish, he smiled. "When did you get so smart?"

"I hang around with the Geek Squad, remember?"

"Yeah. An you are so much like you're mother. It shouldn't surprise me that you have her insight into people too."

"She is pretty good with that, isn't she? But Gil, when you want to, you do okay with that too. I mean, all these years..ever since I can remember; you understood her better than she understands herself. You guys are perfect for each other."

"I know she's perfect for me. That's why I'm so scared. If I ...we...had lost her, I'm not sure I could survive that."

"But we didn't lose her. And the doctor says she'll be home soon. And you can sit and watch her all you want, then."

Again Gil couldn't help but smile. "You've noticed that I do that?"

"Duh...like all the time." She laughed a little.

A comfortable silence settled between them for a few minutes and then Lindsey spoke again. "Can I ask you something?"

"Sure, honey."

"Well, I mean if you don't want me to do it, I'll understand. But...well, you've always been there for me, even when my dad wasn't sometimes. And now you're married to Mom and you're even more there for us. So...I was wondering...I mean...well, would it be okay if... I call you Dad?"

"I think that would be very okay," he smiled and then hugged her. "I've always felt like you were part my kiddo anyway."

"And Gi...Dad, Mom is really going to be mad if she finds out you were so upset. You know it hurts her when she knows you are hurting."

"Yeah...maybe we could keep this as our secret?"

"I think I'm going to like having a Dad again. Especially one that let's me keep secrets from Mom."

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Gil, smart man that he is, found little ways to get around some of the doctor's rules. He spent all of the visitation hours in Catherine's room. Then he would leave for awhile. He'd visit the gift shop and find some little trinket or gag gift for her or he'd get a cup of coffee in the cafeteria, or sometimes he'd go to the chapel and spend some time. Then, when he knew the nurses had completed their rounds, he'd sneak back into her room. He'd stay an hour or so and then sneak back out. If the nurses caught on, they didn't say anything. One afternoon he was sitting in the chapel, not really doing what he thought most people went to the chapel for. Instead of praying, he was trying to decide how to tell her about the baby. Lost in his thoughts, he didn't hear as the man approached him.

"Can I be of help?" he asked.

Gil turned to see a man about his age wearing the black suit and white collar that told him the man was a priest. "Excuse me , Father?"

The man smiled. "I'm not a father...well, at least not yours. You're Catholic, I presume?"

"Well...no. I mean, I was but not anymore."

"Oh.Well I'm a Lutheran pastor. Eric Knudsen...most people call me Pastor Eric; or if I get to be just me, they call me Eric." His smile was warm and genuine. Anyway, as a pastor, I look out for the flock but Our Father art in Heaven..." he chuckled at his little joke.

Gil couldn't help but smile at the man's warmth and easy attitude.

"I take it you have a loved one in the hospital?"

"My wife. Look, Fa...I mean Eric, I'm not really a religious person..."

"That's okay. You don't have to be religious to talk. Frankly, it gets sort of lonely around here...not many people use the chapel. I rotate with six other clergy and we try to be sure someone is here everyday. Just in case... But as I was saying...I get kind of lonely, so maybe we could just talk. I'll take my collar off, if that'll make you more comfortable."

The man's ease calmed Gil. "No need."

"So you're wife is here?"

"Yes, We're Crime Scene Investigators and she was shot at a scene the other day."

"Oh, I think I saw that on the news. How is she?"

"Better. Doctor says she can go home soon."

"That's a relief for you and your family, I'm sure. Wait...I remember, you were at the scene with her..."

"Yes, we were working the case together."

"That must have been very frightening. I can't imagine having someone shooting at me and the idea that someone might shoot at someone I love...well, that's just too horrible to contemplate."

"It was...still is." His face saddened and Eric watched as he seemed to go far away.

"Yes, the 'what ifs'sometimes hurt more than the reality."

Gil concentrated on the man's face, studying his look. "Going to ask me to pray about it?" he snapped.

Eric's eyebrow lifted and he looked slightly stung. "No. Prayer seems to have no meaning for you right now. But, I think I will pray for you and your family; pray for healing, I think." He voice trailed off.

Gil suddenly felt bad for his snap. Eric wasn't trying to be overly religious, he was just interested in helping. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have..."

"I imagine you've been under a great stress. And if I'm reading you correctly, there is still a concern that is haunting you."

Looking at the floor Gil responded quietly. "She was pregnant. With all the trauma, she lost the baby." Tears stung the back of his eyes.

"I'm very sorry," Eric said sympathetically. "How far long was she?"

"About eight weeks. But we didn't know about the baby until that day in the ER. And then just a few hours later it was gone. Thing is...she still doesn't know," he sighed deeply. "And I don't know how to tell her."

Eric studied the man beside him. He should be relieved that she is alright, the pastor thought. Instead he carries the weight of a terrible tragedy. He searched his heart and his faith for a suitable reply. "Well, I don't know your wife so I can't say how the news will effect her. But my wife would want me to tell her soon. And as straightforward as possible. She'd cry a bit, I'm sure. And I think I would hold her very close. And somehow we'd give each other strength and comfort"

"Your not preaching God's comfort?"

"Again I don't know what your marraige is like. But, Gil...my wife is a gift from God. I lost my first wife in a car accident and after two years of horrible grief, he sent Joy...an appropriate name, don't you think? He sent Joy into my life. She had been a reflection of His love and comfort to me and my children ever since. I suspect that your wife brings you much comfort also."

Impressed by the cleric's ability to weave his faith into his own lack of intest in religion, Gil smiled sadly. "Yes, she is. Without her, I would be lost."

"Then Gil, if you don't have faith in God, then at least have faith in the two of you as a couple. Tell her so that the two of you can share in the grief. It was her baby too. She has a right to grieve it."

"Yes, you're right. ...I think it is visting time again. But thank you."

"Stop in anytime, Gil. I enjoy just talking sometimes."

Gil headed back up to her room. Quietly he opened her door and slid in the room. Her eyes were open. Smiling she cocked at him, "Hey..." Her fingers fluttered as she beckoned him closer to her.

Easing up to her, he bent and gently kissed her cheek. "How you feeling today?" he smiled.

"Better now that you are here," she replied. "you been here all night?"

"No. I wnt home for a little while. But the house felt too empty without you there.I couldn't stand it anymore so I came back."

She smiled faintly. "Lindsey?"

"She's okay. She wanted to go back to school today. She misses you too and has been very worried. I'm sure she'll be here after school."

Catherine closed her eyes, comforted by the information. Gil was holding her hand and she squeezed his. "I missed you in the night."

"I missed you too, Cath. Our bed is awfully big and lonely without you in it."

She opened her eyes and studied his face.She could see worry lines that hadn't been there before. His eyes looked tired; weary. And his color wasn't quite right. She worried about him. "Gil, is there something else? Something you're not telling me?"

He closed his eyes and sighed. She knew him so well; he couldn't hide anything from her. Not that he wanted to. "When you were in ER," he began, "they did a test...as a routine matter." His blue eyes were dulled with sadness and grief. "Cath, did you know...suspect that you were pregnant?"

"What? No...well, I knew I was late but I had sorta lost track of when I ..." She was contemplating being a new mother at this stage of her life.Lindsey was in high school. Starting over seemed daunting.Then another thought occurred to her. "Gil? How is the baby? This couldn't have been good...is it okay?"

Tears filled his eyes and rolled down his face. "Honey, they had to do surgery and...during...we lost the baby." His grief was thick.

Catherine absorbed his words and his grief. "How...long did you know, before the surgery, I mean."

"A few hours. Only a few hours. But the thought of a baby; our baby became so real. I was so worried about you and then there was this other little life in the balance."

"Oh Gil. I'm so sorry. You had to go through all of that alone."

"No, Honey. I'm not alone.You're here. But it was your baby too. I'm sorry, Cath. Sorry I didn't so a better job of protecting you...or our baby." He was sobbing now. His pain and despair cut straight through to her heart.

"Gil...hold me. Please. I need to feel you close."

Carefully he sat on the bed and leaned down until their bodies were in contact; his arms gently working the way around her neck. She wrapped her good arm around him and held on tightly. "We'll get through this, Gil. We just have to hold on to each other."

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A week later Catherine was realeased and happy to be going home. The whole gang showed up to walk her out and celebrate as she got into Gil's car and they drove away. Once they were at home, he helped her get to their room and into some comfortable clothes. The effort tired her and once he had her tucked into their bed, she was dozing. Gil sat and watched her for a few minutes, happy to have her back home. He heard Lindsey in the doorway and glanced in her direction.

Smiling she teased him. "I knew you'd be doing that."

"What?" he looked confused.

"Watching her."

His happy blue eyes settled on his new daughter as he replied. "Well, why don't you come watch her for a few minutes and I'll go see what I can do about some food for us."

Easing over toward the bed she smiled. "Okay. I've got the watch. And Dad, please...no broccoli."

Chuckling he left the room. How'd she know he was planning his broccoli and chicken casserole, he wondered.

Later in the evening, after they had eaten and Lindsey had cleaned the kitchen, the three of them were gathered in the 'big bed' as Lindsey called it. "Hey Dad," she looked across her mother at him sitting on her other side. "What's on t.v. tonight?"

Catherine caught Lindsey's use of 'dad' and Gil's ease with it. Grinning, she asked..."Hey, did something happen while I was gone?"

"Yeah," Lindsey beamed. "I got a new Dad."

Catherine looked at Gil, who had a smug little smile on his face. Leaning close to him she whispered, "way to go tiger."

His blue met her blue as he replied, "thank you for sharing her with me."

Catherine dosed off as Gil and Lindsey were discussing whether to watch a Discovery show about ants in Africa or some new crime show. "Lindsey, you know that I'm just going to laugh at all their mistakes in procedure...you won't enjoy it."

"But Dad...ants?"

Finally Gil gave in and they were watching the crime show. Something about investigators in Miami. Gil hated the lead investigator...he got everything all wrong but somehow they managed to solve the case, it seemed. And of course, all the women thought he was a stud or something. After rolliong his eyes and clamping his mouth shut until it hurt, he decided to check on his bugs.

As the music sounded to end the show, Catherine woke up. "Where's Gil?"

"He went down to check on his bugs."

Catherine eased out of bed and worked her way down the steps. Opening the door to his study, she saw that his back was to her. His head was down and his shoulders slumped. He was crying.

"Gil?"

His head popped up and he turned to her. His eyes were red and swollen with tears. He looked surprised to see her. "Cath...what are you doing?" He walked to her, holding her close to him as he walked her to his chair and seated her. "You shouldn't have come down on your own."

"You ...I knew you needed me."

Kneeling in front of her he responded, "I always need you. You are my life. Please, don't overdo and put yourself in a bad position. Please Cath?"

"Umm. okay. I'm sorry." Her eyes were searching his for clues about his tears. "You were crying?"

"I was just thinking...about the baby." Melancholy crept into his features.

"Yeah," she said sadly. "I keep thinking about it too."

"It's just that...well, I was so scared for you. And then, as we were waiting, I thought about the baby to try to keep my mind off of how frightened I was. And the baby became real. So , when it was gone...it seemed like a part of us was gone too."

"You really got attached to the little guy, didn't you." Her smile was a forlorn one.

"It would have been a beautiful baby, Cath. A little you. No,...a little us running around here." His blue eyes met her blue ones as two souls were forever linked by a loss.

She pulled him close to her, holding him and wishing away his pain...their pain. His arms wrapped behind her as he squeezed her. "I love you so much, Cath. I have you home and that's all I really need."

"Gil...please; take me to bed and hold me. I've missed being in your arms. It's the only place that I truly feel safe."

A few minutes later she ws in his arms. He held her snugly against him, his arm resting on the length of her body; his other hand gently massaging the hair behind her ear. Her head rested on his shoulder; her favorite pillow. Her hand was on his chest, fingers caressing his skin. "Gil...now I'm home."

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Almost exactly one year after she was shot, Catherine delivered a healty baby boy. The doctor had not been pleased that she was pregnant so soon after the shooting. But knowing that Gil still suffered the loss of Noah and seeing his anguish over the loss of their baby, she was determined that they would be parents.

Gil had been ecstatic over the news and had played the role of the doting father-to-be with glee. His 'Catherine watching' habit had become more intense. She would catch him watching her and try to scold him but he just giggled. Never in her dreams would she have ever thought that Gil Grissom could giggle. But he was learning. As Catherine had watched him bounce around the house and later the lab, she was reminded of his younger self that used to bounce and laugh, his tongue sticking out in a little boy manner whenever he was happy with himself.

Now,as he held his new son, captivated by the tiny form, he asked her what she wanted to name thier little gift.

"Matthew Gilbert," she answered.

His eyes turned to hers, a question forming. "You wnat to use Gilbert?"

"Yes, I do. I looked it up...it means 'bright promise.' And that's what he is...a promise from me to you that you'd have a child. I made it that night when I came home from the hospital. You remember?"

He thought back and remembered that night. How heartbroken he had been and how she had comforted him." His moist blue eyes looked into hers. "And Matthew?'

"Gift from God, which he is."

The father gazed into the son's not quite alert eyes and whispered, "Hello, our little gift form God that was a promise made to me by the most beautiful woman ever. I'm your Dad. And that lovely lady over there is your Mom."

"You know Gil...while I was reasearching names, I looked up ours."

Gil looked at her inquiringly.

"Catherine is 'pure.' And Gil...I used Gil because I don't really think of you as Gilbert...means 'joy."

He smiled at her. "So you and I together; we're PureJoy?"

Lovingly she returned his gaze. "Yes we are." His eyes were twinkling and his face glowed with happiness. Gone were the demons of his past. Suddenly a realization flooded through her soul as the puzzle pieces fell into place for her. He really wasn't that complicated after all. All along he had been searching for the same thing she had been looking for; love with a special person and a family to call his own. For Catherine Flynn Willows Grissom, the enigma of Gil Grissom was finally solved.

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