Author's Note: [insert usual disclaimer here Anyways, I'm having fun with this. Its a little like Terry Pratchet meets Xaiolin Showdown, only without any of the Discworld characters. So yeah. I would like to say that I don't have cable, and so the XS episodes I've seen haven't been in any particular order. Therefore: I don't know what happens at the end, only in the middle. Don't hate me for it. If you don't like it, don't read it. End of problem. Much love to you all.

Chapter 2: Of Eyeballs, Water Buffalo, and Causing a Big Ruckus.

...I did mention the powers, didn't I? Right. Okay.

Caru flew steadily to the East, toward Hong Kong. Falcons may or may not be common in China, but she was sure that any birdwatchers happening to spot her would probably put it down to a bad thousand-year-old-egg or something in the Peking Duck. Unless falcons were common. Then she could just rest easy.

Ornithogical matters aside, Caru wondered how long it would be before dorko goth boy and his purple ghost caught up with her again. If they caught up with her again, which she doubted. But, because the laws of the universe proclaim that bad villians always catch up with the heroine again, Caru knew they'd end up meeting again. Unless the whole not being a traditional heroine meant that the Natural Order of Things had been pushed askew, and she would be fine. Maybe. But probably not. The Universe had a way of working around anomalies. Namely by steamrollering over the top of them.

So better find a place to land for a while, then. Its always a good idea to have allies, or enemies of your enemies, when trouble is bound to show up. So who would a likely enemy of Jack and the Purple Ghost be? ...No, he was too pathetic for anyone to really care about, and Caru didn't know enough about the ghost to guess who its enemies could be.

She did, however, know something about Chase Young. And the people who constantly fought against him. The Xaolin Monks. Wasn't their temple somewhere near here? If she could get in, explain her situation, maybe trade a couple of the Shen Gong Wu for shelter (it was fine - there were ten, after all.), they would take pity on her, or be wowed by her amazing skills, and help her.

This is what we call in the business a long shot. It means that while the idea sounds good in your head, it may or may not actually be helpful when you act on it. If you are a traditional heroine, long shots almost always work, for obvious reasons. But the Universe still hasn't quite figured out what to do with Caru just yet, so the almost always may or may not be working at the moment.

The girl-turned-falcon rode the thermals further East, hoping that the temple would pop into view, as usually happened to traditional heroines. It didn't. Even when she tried really, really hard to convince the Universe that she was blonde.

Heaving a mental sigh, the falcon landed in a tree.

A girl fell out of it. And swore.

Picking herself up slowly, Caru dusted herself off and walked along the path, toward the village she'd been aiming for. Like it or not, she was going to ask for directions, and hope that the baddies wouldn't catch up with her while she did. That would be kind of embarassing, and most likely very bad for her health. Shrugging, the girl continued down the path, hoping to run into someone before too long.

----

"Excuse me," Caru said to the man standing in the field. He was holding a string that was attached to a water buffalo, and his eyes swiveled slowly to me hers. "Do you know where the Xiaolin Temple is? I'm a bit lost."

She could almost see the thoughts moving in his brain, and tried not to scream. A traditional heroine would not have to deal with this. But she waited patiently, and eventually the man told her it was to the Northeast, each word slotting into place with all the speed of a tortoise on a hot day. Caru thanked him and, after dodging behind a tree, took to the skies again.

The man was right - after flying Northeast for a few miles, a building that could be none other than the Xiaolin Temple popped into view. Caru flew down toward it in a tight spiral, sharp falcon's eyes peeled for any signs of ambush, which, thanks to the laws of the Universe working against her, would probably happen. Or not happen. Whichever was less glamourous.

Landing on the roof, Caru waddled across it until she could watch the Xiaolin Monks in their training ground, training. (duh.) She debated with herself the merits of landing in their midst and changing back, and had gotten to the fourth pro/con when a huge crow landed next to her. It looked at her with one beady black eye, then nodded.

"Mornin'."

"Mornin'."

"Don't much see falcons around here. Where're you from?"

"Oh, over near Manchuria. Got lost in a windstorm. You know how these things are."

"Yeah. Don't tell me about windstorms. My Master sends me out on all kinds of missions, reguardless of the weather. And does he care if you come back with half your feathers sticking up the wrong way? No."

"That's too bad. Is your Master one of these kids?"

"Naw. He's their enemy. Don't suppose you've heard of Chase Young, have you?"

" 'Course! Badass like him? Who hasn't? But why's he sending you to spy on a bunch of kids?"

"Some chit of a girl stole a couple of his treasure thingies, and he thinks she'll end up here. You haven't seen another girl around here, have you? Brown hair, tan, pretty unremarkable altogether?"

"Nah. But tell you what. I'll keep watch and you push off. About three miles East of here I passed some dead mountain goats. With the eyeballs still in. Might even still be warm."

Crows can not resist fresh eyeballs. Not even Evil Trained Crows from Beyond the Grave. It is a fact of life that no amount of power can break. The Crow lifted off with a squawk of excitement and flapped away to the East, where the ficticious eyeballs waited for him. Caru watched him go, waiting until he was nearly out of sight before waddling across to the other side of the roof and seeing if she could catch sight of the Master of the Temple.

An old man was watering the plants along one of the paths. Probably the Master, if the Universe would let the whole heroine thing work for her for a change. Deciding it was worth the risk, Caru dropped down to the path and quickly changed back to human. "Are you the Master of this Temple?" She asked, hands behind her back and clutching the sack of Shen Gong Wu.

The man turned around, obviously a bit startled, but relaxed when he caught sight of her. "Indeed, young one. I am Master Fong. Can I help you?"

A crash echoed from the training ground, and angry voices filled the air. Caru looked sheepishly up at Master Fong. "Perhaps we should talk inside?"