Right. Here I am again!!! Still hyped up on Coke and Red Bull. It's all Hayden's (Silent Bob Is Me) fault. So blame him for the utter stupidity of this chapter. On with the Idiots!

Disclaimer: I own nothing in this story except Kendra and maybe a few other ocs. So don't sue.

Quote (Film):

"Better ask forgiveness than permission." -Brom

Last Chapter:

Eragon came out of the forest and yelled "OH MY GOD! THE PIES ARE ATTACKING!!!!!" and ran away and crashed into a tree which knocked him unconscious. Murtagh just said "Idiot"………..

Chapter 3. Special Fred

Eragons sudden reappearance and idea of "Pie attacking" sent the rest of the group into reels of laughter.

"So. Maybe we should go back to the Varden now." said Murtagh recovering from his laughter.

"The Varden? Do you know where it is?" asked Kendra.

"Of course. We work for the Varden." replied Murtagh.

"A Rider for the Varden… You're fucking amazing" she said flirtingly.

" Thanks" replied Murtagh.

"Eragon's a Rider for the Varden too." Saphira pointed out.

"So? I've known Eragon for a shorter time than Murtagh and he's clearly an Idiot." replied Kendra.

"You're not wrong." said Thorn.

"Speaking of Eragon being an Idiot, I'd better wake the fucking pixie up." said Murtagh.

Murtagh went over and knelt beside Eragon and poked him in the side of the head. Eragon started talking in his sleep.

"Spiders. Want me to tap-dance. I don't wanna tap-dance" he said.

"What the fuck?!" asked Murtagh.

"I have no idea." said Saphira.

"Spiders?" asked Kendra.

"Spiders?! Where?!" screamed Thorn.

"Okay that's it. Thorn shoulda hatched for Eragon and Saphira shoulda hatched for Murtagh. It's a much better match." said Kendra.

"Maybe, but having Thorn has its upsides. Like when I'm depressed or annoyed he never fails to make me laugh. That and Saphira is the only thing keeping Eragon even mildly sane." replied Murtagh.

" He's right, and keeping Murtagh from being really depressed or pissed is pretty much a full time job." said Thorn knowingly.

"It's true. I get pissed easily. Well, at least when I'm in Uru'Baen." Murtagh replied.

"Yes. Eragon would have gone totally insane by now if I wasn't here." said Saphira.

"Aren't you supposed to be waking him up?" said Kendra turning to Murtagh.

"That was before he freaked me out with the whole "Tap-dancing Spider" thing." Murtagh replied.

"So we just leave him here." said Kendra.

"Fuck no. Someone get me a bucket of water. Cold water." Murtagh said.

Kendra went a got a large bucket of ice-cold water.

"Thankin' you." Murtagh said.

He turned and dumped the entire bucket over Eragons head.

"AAAHHH!!" Eragon screamed as he was soaked in cold water.

"MURTAGH!!" he yelled.

" Yeah?" said Murtagh coolly.

"I am going to kill you." Eragon said trying, and failing to stay calm.

"Oh yeah? Bring it on bitch" Murtagh replied.

Eragon jumped at Murtagh. But unfortunately for Eragon, Murtagh side stepped him and Eragon went flying into the river.

"AAHH!" screamed Eragon again. "I'm all wet!"

"Oh boo frickin' hoo." said Kendra.

"Maybe if you got your lazy ass up when we called you the first time we called you then this wouldn't have happened." said Thorn.

"They're right Eragon. They tried to wake you." said Saphira who was secretly happy that Eragon fell in a river.

"Every bodies out to get me!" wailed Eragon pathetically.

"They sure as hell will be if you keep sounding like a weak child." Murtagh said seriously.

"Okay, okay. Before there's another fight we'd better get going." interrupted Saphira.

"You're right. How will I come? I have no horse or Dragon." said Kendra.

"You can come with me. Just try not to fall off. Or scream. I have a big enough head ache as it is." said Murtagh.

"Thanks a million. I promise I won't." replied Kendra.

"Right let's head off." said Eragon who had just gotten out of the river.

They all headed off and flew from where they were. Where ever that was. All they knew was that they were in the Beor Mountains.

After a few hours Thorn and Saphira began to descend towards the waterfall that was the entrance to the Varden.

"We're back!" yelled Murtagh as they went through the waterfall.

"Murtagh, Eragon. It is good to see you again. And who is this?" Nasuada asked emerging from a door to the right and gestured to Kendra.

"Kendra. Princess of Nadindel." Kendra said shaking Nasuadas hand.

"Nice to meet you Kendra. How did you run into our Rider brothers?" Nasuada inquired.

"Me and Thorn found her when we got a bit lost." Murtagh said.

"A bit lost?! We were more than a bit! We walked around for 4 frickin' hours!" Thorn said.

"Fine, fine. When we got very lost."

"Why did you not fly out?" asked Arya as she descended the staircase.

"Oh no. Little miss loves herself is here." said Murtagh irritably.

"Haha Murtagh. Very funny." said Arya.

"Who's joking?" asked Murtagh.

"Well answer my question then. Why didn't you fly?" she asked again.

"Because, little miss brainy, the trees were to thick to fly out through. Just because Eragon's a fool doesn't mean we all are." Murtagh replied.

Arya glared at Murtagh.

"Are they always like this?" Kendra muttered to Nasuada.

"Pretty much. They used to get along fine. I dunno what happened." replied Nasuada.

"Murtagh! Eragon! You've returned!" yelled Katrina as she ran down the stairs.

When she got to the bottom, she tripped over a loose rock and crashed into Nasuada and they both tumbled into the river behind them. Roran heard the comotion from the kitchens and ran out to see what was going on. When he saw the splashing and everyone else staring at the river he screamed and yelled "NO! The water demons are attacking!!" and he tried to run away only to slip on the wet ground and fall into the river aswell but not before he grabbed Aryas arm to stop his fall. So the both fell in and joined Katrina and Nasuada.

Murtagh sighed as he watched this all happen.

"Can we ever come home without some shit like this happening?" he asked.

"Evidently not." replied Saphira.

Eragon went over to the side of the river to help the others out.

"Ahh fuck it." Murtagh said as he shoved Eragon into the river with the others.

Saphira laughed while Thorn just looked confused.

"Right. I'm tired. I'm going to bed. See you all later."

Said Murtagh as he headed towards the stairs.

When he left everyone managed to get out of the water and dry off.

"In case any of you didn't know, that means you Eragon, tomorrow is Elva's birthday." said Nasuada.

"Really? How come I didn't know?" asked Eragon hurt.

"Nobody did but me. She told me by accident 2 months ago." said Nasuada.

"2 months ago? And you remembered." said Eragon.

"I wanted to remember. She's 10 and we were planning on throwing her a party." replied Nasuada.

"We're going to organise everything tonite." Roran said.

"So would any one be stupid, I mean kind enough to go get Murtagh?" asked Nasuada.

"Someone tell me where his room is and I'll go." volunteered Kendra.

"We are you volunteering?" asked Roran.

"Because he wont hurt me for waking him up." she replied.

"Sure about that?" asked Arya.

"Yup. Now someone tell me where his room is." she said.

"One minute. Murtaghs birthday is next week. He let slip by accident ages ago. So maybe we should do something for him too." Nasuada said.

"He's probably forgotten about his birthday." Eragon said.

"Probably. So what should we do." asked Katrina.

"How old is he?" asked Kendra.

"He'll be 19." said Thorn.

"He hates his birthday." said Eragon.

"Why does he hate it?" asked Roran.

"I don't know but I know he does. I think the best thing to do would be totally ignore it. Or at most say happy birthday to him and hope he doesn't hit us." said Eragon.

"I'd better go get him now. Where's his room?" asked Kendra.

"I'll take you." volunteered Katrina. "But I'm not staying."

"Alright." Kendra replied.

A minute or so later Katrina returned.

"She's just gone to wake him up no." Katrina said when she rejoined the group.

"Good. I hope he doesn't punch her" Roran said.

A few minutes later Kendra returned with a not particularly annoyed Murtagh.

" So what do you need mee for? Kendra said something about Elvas birthday." asked Murtagh.

"Yeah. It's her birthday tomorrow." replied Nasuada.

"So what do we do?" asked Eragon.

Murtagh and Kendra were put in charge of beer and such.

Eragon was on charge of games.

Roran and Katrina were on charge of decorations.

Thorn and Saphira were supervising all this.

Nasuada was on charge of the guest list and Arya was on charge of food.

Everyone did fine with the exception of Arya. She insisted on making her own food. After a long argument Nasuada agreed.

But after 4 hours of trying and failing to make edible food, Arya realised she cant cook to save her life so she just got McDonalds and Dominos much to the relief to the Rider brothers who had been on the receiving end of Aryas cooking before and never wished to go there again. Arya ordered a big cake from Nanny Jesses Cake Company.

The rest of the preparations went by without much trouble.

The next morning Elva woke up to a course of Happy Birthday.

It was an enjoyable morning. Since the food wasn't made by Arya, it was delicious.

Murtagh and Kendra got loads of beer and other drinks.

After the cake, which was also delicious, they played games. Only 2 people didn't join in this, Murtagh and Kendra. They supervised and make sure everyone played fair.

They were always busting Arya and Eragon for cheating.

Even when they weren't. They played loads of games. Twister, which Elva won, monopoly which Roran won, which Arya pointed out to be "Ironic for a poor farm boy", Cludo, which Nasuada won and they finished up with a game of Duck Duck, Goose. Elva was on. She ran around and said "duck for everyone when she ran around the first time the on the second lap she decided to scream "MARY SUE!" instead of Goose when she reached Arya. "I am NOT a Mary Sue!!" screamed Arya.

"Yeah. You really are." said Murtagh from the bench where he and Kendra had been talking.

"NO I AM NOT!" she yelled.

"Yes you are" said Kendra.

"I am not!!! I am elf princess and heir to the throne of Ellesmera! And I just happen to be smart, beautiful, strong when need be and needs to be saved by fools like Eragon a lot!" screamed Arya at Murtagh and Kendra.

"That sound a shit load like a Sue to me." said Murtagh.

"Me too." said Kenda, "Uhh! I can not live like this! I'm going home to my very rich royal family where we rule every one! Oh wait. My mother has only just forgiven me for trading my life to be the hero of many. So I guess I'll stay here amongst the Lower people." said Arya in an important tone.

Then Eragon joined in saying "I don't think Arya is a Mary Sue." "You're just saying that because you like her." said Roran.

"You're a fool Eragon." said Katrina.

Then Murtagh turned around and turned on the cd player and sound of Evanescence's song "Everbody's Fool" blasted through the room.

"Haha very funny Murtagh." said Eragon.

"Just thought it was the right song for the conversation. Unfortunately, I don't think there's a song called "Everybody's Mary Sue" so Arya will just have to live without a song.

"I know a song that suits you Murtagh." said Kendra.

"What is it?" Roran asked.

"It's called "Lucifer's Angel." Kendra replied.

"Oh oh pick me, pick me!" said Katrina excitedly.

"Katrina, this isn't school honey, you don't have to raise your hand." said Kendra kindly.

"Sorry. I just wanna say that I know a song that suits Eragon too! It's called "Special Fred!" Here we'll see what you think!" Katrina said as she started singing

"When I was,
A boy of ten
I had a very best friend

Fred was kind
with good intent
but just a little different

Oooh, Special Fred
mama dropped him on his head
now he's not so bright instead
he's a little bit special
just a little bit

We'd play tag
and he'd get hurt
I'd play a soldier
he'd eat dirt

I liked math,
and spelling bees
Fred liked talking to a tree

ooh special Fred
Mama dropped him on his head
now she keeps him in the shed
cuz he's a little bit special
just a little bit

I ran track,
hung out at malls
Fred ran headfirst
into walls

I had girls
and lots of clothes
Fred had names
for all his toes

ooh special Fred
mama dropped him on his head
now he thinks
he's a piece of bread
cuz he's a little bit special
just a little bit

one day, when talking to special Fred,
he grabbed a brick and he swung at my head
and as he laughed at me
that's when I knew
special Fred just made
me special toooo!

Now I laugh as I count bugs
I give strangers great big hugs
next to me, Fred is fine
yeah, he's a fuckin Einstein
ooh special Fred,
now we're not right in the head
now we're not so bright instead
we're a little bit special
just a little bit special
that fucker Fred made me special
just a little bit

Special"

"So what do ya think? I think it suits him" said Katrina not noticing Murtagh, Roran, Kendra, Nasuada, the Dragons and Elva on the ground laughing so hard.

"So fuckin' true! I've never heard anything that described Eragon better!" laughed Murtagh.

"Hey! That wasn't very nice!" sobbed Eragon as he ran into the next room and sat on the corner crying.

"Way to prove me right Eragon." said Murtagh.

That's the end of chapter 3! It's much longer than any of my other chapters but I just couldn't stop writing. Hope you all liked it! Review!

Selene