I'm back, baby!
"You can't shake hands with clenched fists."
-Indira Gandhi
"Isn't it bliss?
Don't you approve?
One who keeps tearing around,
One who can't move.
Where are the clowns?
Send in the clowns."
-"Send in the Clowns"; A Little Night Music by Stephen Sondheim
The next morning, Raven opened her door to find Kresk sleeping in front of it, tired from waiting for her all night long. But before she could say anything, the Fire Demon was up and more alive than the young mage had ever seen him. His eyes wide open, a grin from ear to ear that exposed his jagged teeth, Kresk spewed out a river of incoherent joy. He flew into Raven's room and bolted from corner to corner like a child on Christmas morning. Amidst the disjointed prattle, Raven was able to pick out a single phrase from the old, currently out of character, demon, "They came! They're HERE! THEY CAME!"
"What? Who came? Who's here?"
"The Arcanists! They're alive! They came HERE! They all have Apprentices! And it's all thank to you, kiddo! It's all thanks to you! There's so much to do. We have to get ready for the Magnificent Odyssey! Pack your things, we have to leave quickly. If Bert beats me…Oh what am I saying, he's hosting the trip. But we could still be second! Do you have a pack, a suitcase, a Bag of Holding?"
"Slow down, Kresk. What are you talking about?" Kresk stood still and took a deep breath. He explained to the young Apprentice, "When you initiated yourself into the order, it caused the other Arcanists to initiate their Apprentices. Even Nid has one now! Because of you, the order is alive again. And now we must perform the rituals of the Stupendous Resurrection and Initiation of the Apprentices. But first we have to go on the Magnificent Odyssey. Oh, you're gonna' love it."
"So the Arcanists are alive? I thought you said they were dead."
"I said I thought they were dead. But they're all still alive and kicking. Now less chatting more packing."
"Well what's this trip you keep talking about?"
"Ah, you mean the Magnificent Odyssey! It's the initiation process of our group, if you will. We take each of you rising young mages and tour the planes, from Ysgard to the Abyss, Acheron to Heaven, and finally initiating you in Sigil, City of Doors. Now get ready, you're stuff isn't going to pack itself you know."
"Whe- When is this trip?"
"As soon as possible. We could probably leave by tonight if we hurry. Which brings us back to the issue of you not packing…"
"And just how long is this little expedition?"
"Oh, who knows? Most of them don't go on more than two or three weeks. But one time we got trapped in the Outlands for five years! Of course none of that will matter if," Kresk threw a travel pillow into Raven's hands, "you don't start packing."
"Kresk, I can't do this! I can't just leave for a few weeks."
"Oh? And why not?"
"Because I might be needed here. What if someone gets hurt?"
"Medicine."
"What if something supernatural attacks?"
"Guns."
"What if they need back up?"
"Once again, guns."
"You know, guns aren't the answer to everything."
"Nonsense; this is America. Of course they are." Raven's disapproving look with hints of worry and confusion mixed in caught Kresk's attention. He asked, "Look kiddo, this is nothing big. Don't think of it as a trial; think of it as vacation. Just think about it. No fighting idiots on the street, relaxing, seeing the planes of existence. I promise I won't let anything bad happen. Besides, it's not like you have much choice."
"What's that supposed to mean?"
"We don't have many rules in the Arcanists, but we do require that you go through the Magnificent Odyssey. It's the one mandatory duty. Afterwards you can do what you want. In the mean time we try to make it as enjoyable as possible. Now what do you say; just this one little trip for the order?" Raven looked up at the old Fire Demon, still trying to process a decision. She cautiously asked, "You promise you'll take care of everything, that nothing bad will happen?"
"I swear by the Styx. If I break that oath I must drink from the Dark River itself, forfeiting my memories." Raven sighed and looked away from Kresk The Fire Demon perked up his pointed, frayed ears, and was practically standing on the tips of his jagged hooves. Raven breathed out, "I'll have to think about it." Kresk fell back to earth and tried not to show his inherent impatience. He backed out of the room slowly stammering out, "All right, all right, that's cool. You just think about that. I'll be waiting for an answer." At that, the old demon teleported out of the room.
Raven lay on her bed and thought about what Kresk was offering. And she continued to evaluate the conundrum for a long time, not wanting to leave Titan's Tower in lieu of some suicidal circuit circumferencing sensibility. All her thoughts seemed routed to this home, to this room, to this bed.
Of course, there would be no story if Raven had said no.
Why did she decide to do as Kresk asked, to leave home? Like so many youth, Raven found herself struck by a case of wanderlust. The multiverse seemed so vast and unexplored; so many places on her map seemed blank. It strikes all beings sooner or later, especially the young. Home is simply no longer exciting enough for our refined pallets. Raven wanted to go out and see the worlds, explore and find out what was just beyond the edge. Here there be dragons the old maps would say, marking territory hidden and dark. If this world's unknown regions were home to dragons, what lay in some far more exotic place's province?
And so, two days after Kresk told Raven about the Magnificent Odyssey, the Shadow Mage found the Fire Demon overlooking the living room. Robin sat on the couch reading. Cyborg and BB played video games in earnest, and Starfire strutted over to the fridge to find nourishment. Kresk was muttering out, "Open it. Open it." The Titan opened the compartment and screamed out, slamming the door shut and backing away. Kresk laughed to himself, "Oh, it's these simple moments you live for."
"What did you do this time?" Kresk just noticed Raven standing next to him. He smiled, "Head of veal. It'll be out by the time they get there." Indeed, as Robin consoled the crying Starfire, a bloody calf's head crawled out of the refrigerator on spider legs. It went into a vent without a trace or trail. "Where's it going now?" Raven asked. "Stupid's pillow." Kresk chortled out. Raven merely sighed. Kresk queried, "So, you come to a decision yet?" There was a pause before Raven said, "Yeah. I've been thinking about it, and I've decided…Sure. Why not? I'll go with you."
Kresk let out an immense smile and said, "That's what I wanted to hear! Now, go start packing. I have to go alert the other Arcanists." As Kresk began to leave, Raven called out to him, "Kresk. I'll go, but on one condition. If I'm disappearing for a few weeks, I think the Titans deserve to know why. I think it's time for you and them to meet."
"What?! You can't be serious!"
"I'm dead serious, Kresk. You have to let all this angst go and learn to live with us."
"No, I'd rather live with the hatred. The hatred's always been there for me."
"Kresk, you're going to meet with them or I'm not going on this trip." Kresk look flustered for a little bit, tried to snort out a retort, and finally submitted, "Alright, fine, you little blackguard! But they're coming on MY turf. I want to have a little fun first."
"Why can't you come here? It might help them adjust a little better."
"Adjust? This is MY home, first and foremost. Before there was even a town, a hamlet, a stone here, I was on this island. No, no, they'll come to me. I'd rather kiss A-" Kresk's face suddenly turned dull and was filled with fear. He stammered and panted like a thirsty dog. Kresk put his hand under his jaw, lifted it up until his mouth was closed, and muttered out, "I just remembered, I must be attending the forum now. Go talk to your friends and have them come by my place tomorrow. My decision is final." The Fire Demon slid into the shadows, his orange eyes fading into nothingness. Raven looked over her friends again before heading for her room so she could wait for the next day.
The next day, Raven emerged from her room at around 10:30 A.M. She had woken up at six in the morning, ate breakfast, showered, and then spent the rest of the morning trying to get ready for the day. She was now confident that the Titans were ready to meet Kresk. She didn't believe herself of course, but then again, she wasn't confident that SHE, the Fire Demon's Apprentice, could handle Kresk, so it all balanced out in the end.
As Raven walked down the hall to the living room, she felt like she was forcing herself through a solid fog. A barrier, it made the prospect of not telling the Titans about Kresk easier and easier. She could just leave a note before she left. Maybe she could just disappear. The courageous part of her psyche said that she was beyond the point of no return, when Raven fully knew that the point of no return was far ahead.
The Titans sat around the table at breakfast. At least this would make the announcement a little easier. A little…
Raven walked over to the kitchen, took a small porcelain cup from a cabinet, and poured some leftover green tea into the cup. She walked over to the table, took a seat next to Starfire, and slowly sipped from the tea. Looking into the murky beverage, Raven was trying to stay calm, actually tranquil about the events planned for today. She noticed ripples in the elixer and realized that her hands were shaking with anticipation. No one saw her fear, so masterful she was at countervailing any signs of emotion in her face.
At last, Raven felt a sentence crawl out of her stomach and emerge as words to the other Titans. "You guys," everyone looked at her, "I'm leaving for a few weeks." There were various remarks on inquiry, boiling down to 'what' and 'why' from the clan. "It's something I have to do for (at this moment, Raven thought of a polite way to refer to the whore-mongering, chain smoking, alcoholic, drug-dealing, kleptomaniac demon that cooked Styx squids and sporadically broke out into singing Gilbert and Sullivan that was Kresk) a friend of the family."
"You mean a monk has come from Azarath to here?" Starfire gasped, cheerful at the prospect of a new friend. "Other side of the family." Raven grimly announced. Looks of concern went around the table. "Look, he's nothing to worry about. He'll explain everything once you meet him. He's down stairs."
"Is he dangerous?" Robin asked. Raven reflected on Kresk after this for a brief second, and misleadingly claimed, "No." It was better that they find out for themselves. Robin and the others might react harshly if they knew Kresk was living in their home. Raven stood up. "Come on, he'll explain everything once we see him. She stood by the doorway leading out, waiting for the others. As they approached, Raven went down the hall first, leading the way.
In the antechamber, Raven walked towards the door to Kresk's home, when Cyborg asked, "Uh, Rae, what are you walking towards?"
"Oh, right, you can't see the illusion. Hold on a moment." She went to the wall and lightly rapped against it three times. A booming responded to it. Raven backed away with the other Titans. The illusion melted away, flowing off the wall to reveal the golden archway and door. Beast Boy smelled the brimstone and backed away, Starfire clung to an uneasy Robin, and Cyborg was simply dumb-founded. Raven took a handle on the door and opened it to reveal the blank hallway.
Each of the Titans nervously stepped inside the gloomy lobby and walked towards hideous Bormulk on his pedestal. Raven was at the back of the group, insuring that no one ran away now. Inside, she knew that THIS was the point of no return. For her, for the Titans, for Kresk, there was no turning back. The door closed behind her with a resounding thunder.
At that moment, before the Titans reached Bormulk, the succubae came out of the main room. Their black leather corsets shaping their already plentiful figures, they flew by. Each of the Titans boys stared and gaped with open mouths at the little seductresses. Beast Boy tried to stammer out a 'hey', but all that emerged from his throat was a squeak/croak. Robin's thoughts were consumed with the lustful figures, controlling all his thoughts. For some reason, the name 'Starfire' kept coming back to his mind. Starfire? Who the Hell was Starfire? The only two women in the world who mattered were those gorgeous creatures. And then they spoke, but only to Raven, only a simple greeting in Abyssal. The words rolling off their lips sounded like they were deformed to begin with and had been butchered with dull knives, but none of the boys cared. All that mattered were the succubae. And then, countering this infatuation, Ch'tar followed the two, snapping his massive pincers and jowling out a throaty greeting to Raven. Starfire noticed that nobody had payed attention to any of the Titans since they arrived. She thought it was an illusion. In truth, it was because the demons believed that they were too good to acknowledge humans. Ch'tar snapped the men back to their senses in horror as the giant stomped off. He and the succubae were on a diplomacy mission from Kresk, apparently.
"Hey Rae." Bormulk mumbled out, not even opening his old eyes. "Hey Bor." The young mage replied, taking the lead and walking by. Bormulk's snout twitched, and he lifted an eyelid. Seeing the Titans, his eyes perked straight to attention. He placed a massive paw in front of Raven, chiding, "Whoa whoa whoa! You know the rules! Stupid, Half a Man, Bimbo, and Boy Blunder aren't allowed in the house! We don't have a lot of rules here, but that is one."
"Big Red wanted to see them in person." Raven responded. Bormulk arched an eyebrow. Getting off of his perch, he stood before the Titans. He smelled the air around them, the fear, the anxiousness, and the apprehension. Looking back at Raven, then checking the Titans one more time, he shrugged his winged shoulders and groaned out, "All right. If he wants to see them, I can't argue." He transmitted a telepathic message to Raven, "If you think they can handle the crowd in there."
"Oh no, you mean the Carnival of Souls is still here?"
"Yep, and they're getting snarly from all this waiting. Personally, I give these mortals fifteen minutes before they run like Hells."
"Bor, that's cruel. I give them twenty, give or take." Bor stared over the Titans one last time before snorting out, "All right, whatever. Send in the clowns."
Clowns. Thank all the gods in every Heaven that they're as rare as they are. Who knows what sinister workings manipulate the minds hidden behind white face paint and ruby lipstick? And what could be more devious than the infamous Clown Demons? Horrors that even balors and mariliths fear, these repulsive tanars are terror incarnate. At least with other demons you know where you stand; they just want to kill and eat you. But not with Clown Demons, oh no, not with these paragons of chaos. Deadly beyond belief, they are masters of killing. It is said all their victims ever hear is the flop flop flopping of their mammoth shoes. Then a laugh, followed by silence eternal. Any who have ever seen a clown and shuddered knows the truth of these words; clowns are the avatars of doom and corruption, seeking to destroy us all.
And so similar thoughts swam across Robin's thoughts as he sat across from (horror of horrors) a troupe of Clown Demons. The motley assortment was made up of five Clown Demons, each one garishly unique and unlike the others in any respect, save for a few common details. Shark-like teeth lined their mouths, bulbous red noses marked their faces, and gaudy make up marked their faces, matching their hideous clothes and monster shoes. Some had especially distinct features; one was four feet tall, perfectly round, and wore a pointed hat, while another towered at twelve feet tall, dressing in vagabond attire. This Clown's most disturbing feature was its ragged top hat, out of which a being resembling a hybrid of mole and lizard with deformed, bulbous eyes slithered and whispered secrets into the Clown's ear.
Every now and then Robin thought he caught one of the Clowns staring at him, but it was hard to tell. Their eyes were like a doll's eyes, always staring no matter what. They hardly seemed to blink, glaring like snakes. Robin thought it was all in his head until, disturbingly, without donning a maroon smile, one of the Clowns winked with a puffy eye. Robin shifted uncomfortably in his seat as thoughts of another psychotic clown he knew rode across his mind…
Something small was moving around Starfire's feet. Looking down, she saw a cat looking at her, but not like any cat she had ever seen. It had bat wings on it back, and a barbed scorpion tail. Its face was like a human's, save for its feline eyes. Its fur was dark red and streaked with black stripes. Hissing at Starfire, the monster revealed its three rows of interlocking teeth, spread its wings, and arched its scorpion tail. Starfire gasped and clenched Robin's arm. The manticore cub eased itself and walked over to Raven. It rubbed its head on Raven's bare leg, meowing with a flute-like voice before it hopped into her lap and making a nest for itself. The mage scratched behind the manticore's ear, listening to its content purrs.
Beast Boy stared up at the top of the chandeliers, looking at the statues of the viscous, six armed mariliths. 'They'd be kind of cute without all those extra arms' he thought to himself. There was a splashing sound behind him. Turning around, Gar saw a demon lying in a bathtub. The demon itself was huge. Its humanoid torso had four arms, while its draconic head bore fiver, curling horns. From the waste down, it looked like an eel, its tail ending in a fat lump. The bath was filled with dark green water, complementing the blue and aqua scales of the water demon. The tub was black and supported by four lion paws. In one hand, the demon held a newspaper, in another a pipe, in another a pencil, and in another a glass filled with a yellow liquid swarming with worms. The demon wrote something down on the paper, apparently a crossword, and then inhaled with its pipe. Opening its plump tail, it was revealed that the tail was in fact another mouth, round and lined with row upon row upon row of teeth, like a lamprey.
The door to Kresk's office opened. Janys' voice called out, beckoning a patron to come. Without looking up, the myrmixicus tapped its bathtub with its pencil. The tub's four legs lifted the bath and walked into Kresk's office. Mean while, the Demon Clowns groaned and complained.
"What?!"
"Oh, come on!"
"We've been out here for hours!"
"What the Hells?!"
The short one in a pointed hat only squeaked its red nose, a discontent tone coming out. "Gods, we should have taken that gig in Gehenna when we had the chance." One of the Clowns complained. There was an awkward silence as the Clowns re-adjusted themselves in their seats. After a while, the tall one with hideous familiar spoke up, "So. It comes to this." An expression of worry and annoyance creeped across the other Clown's faces. "I could have been great, you know." The Clowns grew more anxious as the speech continued. One of the muttered, "Please no, not this rant. Anything but this rant. I'll give my good teeth not to hear this rant."
"I could have been a star." Another clown pulled a flask from its suit and drank heavily. "I could have been…"
"Gods, I'm not a righteous man but if you can hear me now…"
"Pagliacci." All other clowns howled out in despair and rage. The should-be Pagliacci only stared at the ceiling. "A full house," he continued, " a full house at the Sigil Operatorium. The Lord of the Musical Underworld himself said I should do it. But I passed that chance, passed all that glory. And for what?" Janys called out, "Rae."
"That's us. Let's go, before this gets ugly." Raven stood up, the manticore cub jumping out of her lap. Approaching the hall, the water demon in a tub walked out in its tub, still busy at its crossword puzzle. Raven and the Titans entered Janys' room. The other Titans looked around for the source of the voice they had heard earlier. Walking over to Janys' bowl, Raven tapped the edge lightly. Janys emerged as a pillar of slime, her two green eyes looking tired as usual. "Is he ready for us?" Raven asked. "If you're ready for him." Janys gurgled out. Raven nodded, opened the heavy door to Kresk's room and held it open for the other Titans. Janys glowered at all of them as they stared at her. Cyborg was too slow to move, and so Janys spat a bubble of slime at him. "Hey!" he yelped out, barely dodging the snot. Janys only sank back into her bowl. Raven slammed the door shut.
Standing in Kresk's study, the other Titans looked at his horrendous paraphernalia. "Dude, what is this guys problem?" Beast Boy asked, seeing barbed chains and the heads of demonic animals on the walls. "Indeed, I feel much hatred and anger here, evil. Even the air feels unclean." Starfire fretted as an emblazoned shield with a famine spirit inside stared at her. "You sure this guy's not dangerous?" Cyborg asked, a speck on anxiety in his human eye. "I'm not dead yet." Raven retorted. Suddenly, all the lights went out. Darkness consumed the room. The Titans huddled together. "Don't worry, this is just a trick he likes to-" Raven was silenced in mid-sentence. Kresk pulled her back into the darkness, covering her mouth with his hand. He lifted a finger to his mouth and shushed her, whispering, "Let me have one last joke." Kresk cast a spell over Raven, making her invisible.
Starfire lit a beam in her hand, and Cyborg activated his flashlight. The group noticed Raven's absence. "Raven?" Star squeaked out. "Rae?" Beast Boy meowed out. Kresk laughed out (in a sinister tone, of course), the chuckle ringing throughout the room. The Titans flitted their eyes at the edge of the light in fear. Kresk scuttled at the border of the umbra, letting the clacking of his hooves sound. Star's light followed the sound, catching a glimpse of Kresk's robe before he disappeared. Kresk prostrated himself behind Cyborg, growing to eight feet tall but still unseen (thanks in no small part to a potion of stealth). Quietly he placed his claws on the robot's shoulder. He clacked them against the metal very gently. Cyborg saw the talon on his shoulder and yelled, "Whoa!" Kresk withdrew and moved back quickly, before Cyborg was done turning around. The Titans could see his glowing orange eyes in the dark, but they were gone in a flash. Robin threw one of his custom shuriken at where the eyes had been, but it hit nothing except Kresk's desk. Kresk stood in front of Beast Boy, bending down until he was eye level. Garfield smelled brimstone nearby. He slowly turned around to see Kresk's eyes peering at him. Stunned, he couldn't even change into anything before the lights were back on. Beast Boy yelped out at the sight of Kresk deformed, scarred face. The Fire Demon grinned and said, "Boo."
Beast Boy leaped back, Starfire screamed, and Robin and Cyborg readied their weapons. Cyborg shot a beam and Robin released another shuriken. Kresk conjured a shield of fire in front of him. It was in fact the one of the only Abjuration spells he knew as the Fire Demon valued more useful schools of magic like Necromancy and Conjuration, but the spell came in handy. The shield dissipated, and Kresk jokingly said, "Now boys, is that any way to treat a friend?" Kresk snapped his claws, breaking the spell on Raven so that she re-appeared next to the old demon. "Where were you?" Beast Boy asked. "He turned me invisible. Like I said, it's one of his tricks." Raven responded. "Who are you and what are you doing here?" Robin asked with clenched teeth. "I, dear child, am the indomitable, unbeatable, infallible –"
"His name is Kresk." Raven answered for the Fire Demon, knowing that none of the other titans wanted to put up with Kresk's flourish. "He's a fire demon-"
"The Fire Demon. It's a title, thank you very much."
"Whatever. He's a demon, and this is his house."
"Why is it in our wall?" Beast Boy asked. "It's not; it's a pocket dimension."
"I knew that." Garfield said frowning. "I meant why is he here, in the Tower?"
"Because when I last fell asleep some odd forty years ago there was nothing here but an island and some moss." Kresk snapped. "I could ask why you built a tower on MY island."
"We didn't know you were here!" Beast Boy barked. Kresk glared and snarled, "Why must you turn my private study into a HOUSE OF LIES?!"
"Truly demon, we were not aware." Starfire protested. "Well I'm not leaving either way. I've made myself right at home here, and I have to keep an eye on my Apprentice."
"Who?" Robin asked. "That would be me." Raven said raising her hand. "What?! But why would you do that? Why would you become this thing's apprentice?"
Robin asked. "Hey, this THING has feelings." Kresk feigned. Raven sighed before simply saying, "Roots."
"What?" Cyborg pried.
"I wanted to know more about myself, about my family. I'm half demon; there's no denying it. I just want to know what that means."
"That and there was no catch at the time." Kresk said, "Which brings us to our current situation. We have a pilgrimage to make. Now, I've held up my end of the bargain, time for you to hold up yours. Start packing."
"Kresk, we're not leaving right now. They need some time to adjust. I think they deserve to no more."
" To Hells with that! I swore on the Styx I would meet your friends and nothing else. Let them piece the rest by themselves!" Raven was going to argue more, but before she could even utter a syllable, the Titans signal rang. Robin looked at the beacon and said, "There's been a jail break. We need to hurry!" Raven glared at Kresk, hissing, "We'll talk about this later. We have work to do." Kresk scowled, then smiled, saying, "All right. How 'bout I come with?"
"Seriously?" Raven disbelievingly asked. "Serious as a marut in a tomb. Besides, actions speak louder than words. And there's something I need to show your friends." Kresk said. Raven thought about it and said, "All right."
"Good." Kresk walked past the stunned Titans. He lit a cigar and put it in his mouth. Moving past Robin, he elbowed the young hero and said, "Come on, kids. Let's go round up some crooks."