Disclaimer: Bleach isn't a property of my imagination… but the story plot that is…
Summary: Bachelors from all over Seireitei presented themselves before a noble family and will be evaluated to see if they're worthy enough to be a member of the nobility… by law or by marriage. Final chapter up!
The Prince and the Pea
The light streamed in the dimness of the room and hit the figure who was laid on the futon. 'Candy-boy', short for candidate boy, an annoying nickname made up by the red-haired idiotic 6th division vice captain, grunted as the offending light scattered, hitting him across the face. The sun finally made its way up from the east, doing its everyday ritual: splashing rays to annoy and wake the sleepy heads. Something that strikes the thought of Ichigo as he gently pried the sun's touch off his vision by pulling the blanket over his head. 30 more minutes, he mentally pleaded. As he drifted back to sleep, a sudden jerking of his blanket off of him alerted his sleepy veins, sitting upright with no so much of a warning send him spinning his head for a couple of minutes.
He shut his eyes for a hundred and twenty seconds as he bombarded the intruder with too many questions.
"Who the fuck are you?!"
"What the hell do you want?!"
"Go bust your balls somewhere else! Spare me some rest!"
"You good for nothing son of a--"
He was cut off when the image standing before him sheered itself as Rukia's loony brother. Byakuya, unaffected by his morning outburst, steered his way out of his guest's room. Before he thoroughly made himself out, he spared a glance, with a glimpse of patience-on-idiotic-scumbag look, and muttered, "A 'good morning' should suffice. But since you howl like a dog you are, I'll forget about grading you in this stipulation. Get yourself ready, we'll proceed with the remaining tests."
With that he gracefully exited the room, leaving Ichigo feeling dumber and more inferior than the head of the Kuchiki clan. Shit!
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"The final test should take place today." Renji said it more to himself than to the sleeping vice-captain of the 11th division. As he was stacking his papers for orderly purpose, he felt a wave of reiatsu sweeping along the walls of his office and felt all too familiar. He cringed at the scene when Tinker-bell Psycho made his presence known, either intentionally or not. He was probably here from some strenuous workout (losing his way in and out of Seireitei. Even a shinigami in his captaincy like him still gets lost with each turn he takes.) Red pineapple head gave a nervous grin as Zaraki Kenpachi greeted him with a wave of hand and a "Yo!" as he always use these to people he set his eyes on, not in a romantic way, either that or he felt like he could trust that person to entertain him in gruesome ways. Renji's hand slowly made its way out of his zanpakuto's reach, if this could still make this blood thirsty maniac believe that he's not interested to any sort of fights the other's intending to offer, and maybe a risk of losing his head, then it's worth all his guts.
"Ohayou! Zaraki-taichou! What brings you this very fine day?"
"Nothing that interests me, really." The 11th division captain gave Renji a lop-sided grin. Red head felt the chills making the hair on his back stand on its end.
"So you must be here to pick up the vice captain." Renji stated.
"Yup, that and to ask a small favor." Zaraki drop his grin into a bored expression, like when he just found out how weak his opponent is.
Kami-sama! "Of course, if I could help." He said before mentally slapping himself. Good job fool! Now you'd just gave him the go signal to butcher you alive and in your office, of all places!
"Ken-chan!" A squeal from the ever baby-looking vice captain gave the red-head a good reason for seeing the scary captain. The pink bush plopped herself on top of Zaraki's left shoulder.
"You see, Kuchiki just handed me this." He produced something in his hand. "Plant it somewhere in Kurosaki's bed. Get several quilts, maybe a hundred of them--" he put his fingers on his chin as if in deep thought. "And place them on top of the other." With that he handed Renji whatever that is in his hand.
"Let me stay Ken-chan! I'll help rooster head!" Yachiru vanished from Zaraki's perch and appeared momentarily on Renji's back.
"Wait a sec--- is this--?" Renji, who chose to ignore the small girl, started asking. Zaraki smiled evilly and waved.
"Yeah, don't really care whatever ya' call that. Just hurry up and do it." Fighting the young strawberry kid was a rare, great opportunity after all.
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Whew! That's a close one! Ichigo spitted blood on the garden bushes. At least my blood will remind him whenever he took a spin around the garden or play hide-and-seek behind the bushes, that he almost killed me for his selfish reasons. Che as if he feels the guilt in his veins! What an asshole!
He tiptoed in his room and stumbled back, bruising his ass as he hit the wooden floor. "Just the hell's goin' on?!" He yelled, his eyes slowly moving up…up…up
"WHAT HAPPENED TO MY FUTON?!!!"
"That's where you'll sleep as of this day." Byakuya appeared in record time to explain the mechanics of the game.
"You'll sleep on top of those quilts. And you're not to leave it unless I told you so." Byakuya resumed explaining the whole ordeal.
Ichigo only stared on the highest bedding area, with a long ladder for his vantage, could he really sleep on top of those?
"What if I fall…accidentally?" He suddenly felt the urge to snap the neck of the cold man standing behind him.
"You forfeit the game." Very well said, as clear as day.
"…"
"No other questions, Kurosaki?"
"…"
"Fine, you can start climbing that bed."
"Can I first take my shower?"
"… Do as you please."
"Yeah whatever." With that Byakuya left, and Ichigo headed in the shower room.
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Epilogue
"I can't believe we're married!" Rukia exclaimed happily as she pulled Ichigo from the throng of people who were congratulating them.
"Hehe! I owe it all to Renji. He's the one who confronted me to pull myself together and follow my heart." Scratching the back of his head, he flashed Rukia his cheesy grin.
"He did? Honto?" Awed, Rukia couldn't help but admire the efforts of her best friend.
"I cleaned up the language a bit, but yeah!"
"Speaking of Renji, where the hell is he?" Rukia scanned the crowd amidst finding her friend to thank him in person.
"You see, the last day of the ordeal included your brother's infamous manipulation of Senbonzakura, to slice and dice me." He narrowed his eyes at the thought. "He almost shredded me into lil' red ribbons but I opted to stay hidden behind my resolve; I knew it could save me somehow."
He snaked an arm around her slender waist as he led her to a small garden with a koi pond in the middle, and sakura trees that completed the serenity of the scene. Although seeing it reminds him of the irony of it's tranquility around them while her brother's own lashes out to make him live in his worst nightmare.
"I won. It so happened that the purpose of the battle is to tire me out, and make me sleep on top of those quilts that piled themselves as tall as 12 feet."
Flashback…
Ichigo plopped himself on top of a 12 feet 'bed'. He felt something behind his first layer of quilt, just below his elbow, something hard and round. He suddenly heard a silent 'click' and a "BOOM!" that followed. He managed to jerked his arm away from the sound and saw a blackish hole formed on top of his quilt, he tried to probe the hole with his forefinger but hesitated when the heel of his right foot hit something and another soft click with a BOOM which prompted him to exceed his patience beyond his limit.
"DAMN YOU ICE MAN WITH HAIR CURLERS!"
End of flashback…
"I wasn't able to sleep knowing a small move could cost me a limb or two." He scowled even more. "10 freakin' hours of popping my eyes out, I honestly think jerking my guts off was way less tormenting than straining my eye lids."
"It was revealed the following day that if I had slept over the exhaustion, or even lose a finger or worse my life, that I'm not worthy of your hand…Something to do with discipline and awareness my ass!" He grumbled silently almost to himself, but Rukia caught every word. Linking her hand with his, she squeezed it gently, urging him to continue.
"And when the servants started to retrieve the quilts, I found at least 3 pieces of what look like exactly small explosions on top of each quilt. I swear I saw Ganju used some of those back then." He answered annoyingly, the memory itself makes him want to see Ganju and have a brawl with him.
"I was already declared the winner, of course there's no other man but me who's brave enough to seek a fair fight, OW!" Rukia lowered her hand while muttering something about boys and inflated balls. Still smiling despite the rough beating he took from his wife, he continued, "but Byakuya seemed pissed when he saw those explosions… I was too overwhelmed that it took me twenty seconds to notice he already left." He clasped her chin with his thumb and forefinger before placing a soft kiss on her painted lips. She smiled at him when he slowly pulled away.
"He just made a fine entertainment for pedophile taichou--" He smirked. "…after he had taken care of Renji."
"He did WHAT?!!!!!!!!"
Owari
AN: Finally, that's how the story ends my friends. I know it's kinda crappy. If you got questions, I'm willing to respond to them, coz I think I left some answers out. Thanks a bunch! Hope you enjoy!