Drunk Logan
Chapter 4

A/N: So, this chapter focuses less on action and more on internal thoughts. THANKS! to everyone for your awesome reviews and those who have added DL to your Alerts list. You're so great!

Logan gets up early on Sunday since he's not sleeping anyway. He gets showered and dressed, his thoughts never straying far from the events of the previous night. After picking at the breakfast Mrs. Navarro made him, he decides he needs a distraction.

He plays video games for a while, which he would normally spend hours doing. Today, only about 20 minutes before he's ready to crawl out of his skin. He tries watching tv, surfing the web, checking his e-mail, even changing the settings on his cell phone. He leaves the inspirational greeting alone since he doesn't think that he can stand to record a new one. Not today. He's even helped Mrs. Navarro by bringing his dirty clothes downstairs for her. He's done so many things, gotten so much done, he's sure a good couple of hours must have passed by now. Looking at the clock he realizes that it has only been 30 minutes since he turned off his video game. He's really frustrated now. He's got to get out of this house.

He picks up his keys, stuffs his wallet in his pocket and stalks out the door with an aire of determination. When he gets into his SUV and turns the key, it dawns on him. He has no idea where he's headed with such certainty. 'I'll just drive around for awhile. Mindless driving to loud music is always good.' Logan nods his head, satisfied with his plan.

He knows that he has spent the morning driving aimlessly just to clear his head, but his stomach starts to tighten again thinking back over his drive. If he were totally honest with himself, he would have to admit to a little more than coincidence as he recounts the locations he's seen during his drive.

With no apparent purpose or direction, he's found himself driving by her apartment, Mars Investigations, and after a call for information, he's even driven by the house of a basketball-playing friend of the tiny blonde one. But, no, this is better.

'Now I can relax and enjoy the view of the ocean. The ocean has a way of always relaxing me.' Logan thinks to himself.

He likes to come here. Sometimes it's surfing, sometimes beach volleyball with friends, sometimes it's just staring out at the water and enjoying the smell of the ocean breeze. Of course, he hasn't left his SUV today. Not yet. He has been there for the past hour and a half. He's just been sitting, parked across the street from the beach. He tells himself that it has nothing to do with the fact that the elusive blonde one and her side kick are there, on the beach.

It has nothing to do with the sight of her smiling and laughing, joking and playing around. 'No, the ocean, it's the ocean. The ocean relaxes me.' He repeats in his head like a mantra. He's just watching the waves, not the tiny blond as she throws a tennis ball for her dog or as she wades into the water or is instructed on how to fly the airplane. He does notice one thing, she seems relaxed, almost carefree. The only way he sees her anymore is when she's wearing a hard facade, masking any real emotion.

He had put so much thought into everything that had happened the night before and it was to the point now that the kiss was playing on a constant loop in his mind. He was just so confused by that kiss. Sometime between last night and now, he had given up on trying to ignore how good it felt. He had fought the idea for awhile based solely on the fact that it was a kiss shared with Veronica Mars. By definition, it couldn't have felt good. It couldn't have been hot and passionate and most of all safe and right. It was a situation without definition.

"Argh! Why did I even kiss her? What was I thinking?" Logan was frustrated with himself for starting this all.

Last night when he had kissed her, he'd been too shocked by his own actions for his body to fully respond to what was happening. After she left, though, and throughout the day and with the constant movie playing in his head; he was continually having to fight his body's physical response. 'I must have entered the Twilight Zone. I am actually fantasizing about one simple kiss with Veronica Mars.' He was utterly perplexed.

If he really thought about it, he would know exactly what brought them to that moment, him grabbing her arms and not wanting to let go as his lips crushed into hers. It wasn't just that the words she had spoken were kind, which they were for the most part. It was more that she had actually seen him, she knew the real him. As much time and effort as he had put into wearing a facade of indifference, she had seen through it. And, after seeing all that was him, the best and the worst, she still argued that he deserved someone who would treat him better than the long line of spreadable airheads he'd been going through.

Then, every time he felt like he was beginning to get a grip on the kiss, he would be blind-sided with thoughts of her accusation of rape. 'What do I do with that bit of information? I should do something, shouldn't I? But, what? I could try to talk to Veronica, but that would just be all kinds of weird and would open up the entire night for discussion. Plus, if she's never told anyone, she probably wouldn't be real excited to know that I know. I wouldn't even know where to start anyway.'

Every time he tried to come up with a solution, he would run into a brick wall. The more and more he thought about it, the more his head would spin and his stomach would tighten. He would get queasy and knew that he was going to have to deal with it at some point. Right now, it was just too much. He would just have to compartmentalize that piece of information for later.

He felt weak. He felt like he was being weak because he was so unable to deal with what happened to her. He wasn't there when it happened, he hadn't known anything about it, she made it through and it had been several months since Shelley's party. Yet for some reason, he felt responsible, like he should have been there to protect her when she was still so innocent back then. Yes, he had hated her, but no one deserves that.

Here he was having trouble grasping what had happened to her when she had been the one to actually go through it. Yes, he was weak, but he was determined to figure out a way to deal with it. Once he did, he would find a way to try to ease the hurt that she felt over what had happened.
He had no idea how he was going to do that since last night had changed nothing, especially in her eyes. He wasn't even sure what he felt about her now. 'Sure, I want to help her because of the rape, but what about everything else? Do I still hate her? Did last night change anything else I've felt for most of the last year? Could I forgive her for what she did to Lilly, Duncan and I? To Jake and Celeste (well, who cares about Celeste)? Even if I could, would she ever forgive me for everything else?'

Logan knew that it would be hard to see her at school the next day. He wasn't sure how he was going to act.

Like Logan, Veronica had not slept soundly after she left Logan's house. When she got out of bed on Sunday and couldn't keep her mind from wandering to the previous night's events, she decided she needed a distraction.

She picked up the phone and waited for the call to connect.

"Wally, buddy, how's it going?" Veronica sang with a cheerful voice.

"Wally? Umm, Veronica, if you want me to answer, don't ever call me that again." Wallace said in a joking, but serious tone.

"Well, I thought that me cutting you down from the flagpole and saving your sorry butt from the PCHers gave me a certain amount of privilege when it came to nicknames. I guess not." Veronica teased him playfully.

"No, don't get me wrong, Supafly. Just, Wally? You gotta be kidding me, right? You could at least come up with something semi-flattering." He acted offended.

"What would you suggest?"

"Oh, I don't know. Off the top of my head...what about Big Man, Big Dawg, Fennel The Great, Bitchin' Baller, Adonis..." Wallace is stopped by the incessant roaring of laughter coming from the other end of the line.

"Off the top of your head? Boy, I'd hate to hear the list if you had time to really ponder it. But seriously, folks. I am in great need of your assistance today."

"What, you working a case? Need a little bit of MAN-power?"

"Well, not exactly. I was thinking more along the lines of a day-o-fun. And, since you are my BFF and Ambassador of all that is fun, I called you first. So, what do ya got for me? And, make it good. I'm counting on the awesomeness that is you, Big Boy." Veronica snickered as she finished his ego-stroking.

"Big Boy? I said Big MAN! You're hopeless. Anyway, brace yourself...it's gonna be good. How about, drum roll, please...a day at the beach, with the added benefit of flying my newest plane?" He finished big.

"Huh...Hmm...I guess. It'll do on short notice." Veronica sounded dejected, but added a giggle at the end. "I'll pick you up in half an hour."

Veronica and Wallace spent the day taking Backup to Dog Beach and flying Wallace's remote-controlled airplane. Veronica was happy for the retreat after last night's events. When she's with Wallace, she can just enjoy the sun and the beach and be, well, carefree. She doesn't have to be so guarded. Definitely what she needs after her encounter with Logan and the other 09er's. She's unsure of how tomorrow will go. Logan may not remember anything about the party or the "afterparty" in his bedroom; but if anyone saw him get into her car, he'd hear about it. She would need to prepare for battle tomorrow morning before heading to school. But, today was about relaxing, resting up before the battle.

Even with that perfect plan, she couldn't help but think about the events of the night before. She knew that the only reason she had told Logan all of that stuff was because he would never remember it. She never would have revealed all of that to him if he'd been sober. She would never have given public enemy #1 more to taunt her with by telling him that he deserved better.

'It's fine, though, because he was drunk, beyond drunk, and will never remember anything about last night.' She reminded herself.

She hadn't lied to him last night, that she was sure about. He had been horrible to her in recent months and she hated him for it, but she had loved the boy he was before Lilly died. She knew that just as with her, when Lilly died, a part of him died, too. A part of him died, but not all of him. Sure he had become really angry and kind of turned against the world, especially her, but she kind of understood it.

He hadn't had an easy time growing up in the spotlight. To the casual observer, his life may have been something to envy. With all of the time they had spent together over the years, she knew that it wasn't all it cracked up to be. He was constantly being watched and photographed. Any time he did anything stupid, it was photographed and reported on in the tabloid rags. Half of what was reported, wasn't even true, but still made him look bad.

His relationship with his mom was pretty good, but she was rarely around. When she was, she was usually busy with getting ready for whatever event the family was due to attend or host. There was so little time spent just between Logan and her.

His dad wasn't horrible, he was just too career-focused. He had turned his family into more of a publicity machine than anything else. Veronica figured that somewhere along the line, he just forgot how to do the family thing.

The Echolls Family may have had great fame and riches, but Veronica had decided long ago that it came at a very high cost. She may not have had access to the best cars, designer clothes and vacations all over the world growing up, but until recently, she had truly had her mother and father. Now she only has her father, but she knows that she can count on him no matter what. She knows that she is the most important thing to her father.
She doesn't know that Logan has ever had that. When he was born, his parents were new to the business and doing everything they could to get to where they are now. It's sad to think that he has never felt important to anyone, never had a true family.

The closest he had come to a real family was the Fab Four. When that fell apart, his family fell apart. So, yes, he was the Obligatory Psychotic Jackass that she dealt with on a daily basis. She was sure, though, that deep down, he was also still that boy that she'd loved. That boy that had lost his family when Lilly died and Veronica chose to support her father and Duncan became a shell of his former self.

She knows that it will be difficult seeing him at school. He may not remember last night, but she sure does. In fact, most of her Sunday has been spent thinking less about what she'd said to him and more about that kiss.

When it happened she was too shocked to do anything, but get out of the situation. What has astonished her even more since it happened is her reaction now to the event. Each time she has thought about it, her reaction has grown stronger. It started with intrigue, then an unexplained small smile graced her face, next the tiniest tingle in her stomach. In the last couple of hours, she has actually caught herself wondering what would have happened had she not pushed him away.

She knows it's crazy. He wasn't in his right mind. There is no way he would ever willingly kiss her. He hates her and would torture her endlessly if he knew what had happened and what she was thinking about it.

She knows her reaction to the kiss is purely physical. Lilly had told her countless times how talented Logan was at kissing...and other things, but she had a proclivity to exaggerate. That kiss last night, though, was scandalously good.

Okay, everyone...the chapters are going to start getting longer. Lots more to come. To those who have reviewed, thank you so much. I truly appreciate it.

Adja: I can't tell you how many times I have stayed up too late reading fics...or writing this one for that matter!