Chapter 1

Flashback: Fifth grade.

After Sakura had converted the last of the Clow Cards to Sakura Cards, Tomoyo began to wonder if there was any real chance that Sakura could ever be hers. She is not only the most perfect person in the world, she is also one of the most powerful. She now has terrible responsibilities and will probably face more challenges from other powerful people in the future. She sighed before she let the thought continue. "And I am totally useless to her. Syaoran was right beside her, using his magic to help convert the Light and Dark Cards and finally qualify her to be the Cardmistress, while I was under the sleep spell with the other normal humans. She didn't need me for anything. It really wouldn't be fair to her to be stuck with a plain ordinary person like me.

Flashback: Seventh grade.

As Tomoyo studied in the library, she could clearly hear two girls talking excitedly. "Did you hear? Huniko of 7A class and an eighth grade girl are lovers!"

"No!"

"Yes! They were seen kissing behind the sports storage building during lunch yesterday! They are real pervs!" Tomoyo was in class 7A and knew Huniko. She was a shy quiet girl who kept to herself and didn't bother anyone. The word about her kissing another girl surprised Tomoyo, but didn't seem like a big deal. Until she saw how Huniko was teased and tormented. A group of girls surrounded her calling her names and then later a boy pushed her and knocked her books out of her hands. And the worst part was that the teacher saw the whole thing and blamed Huniko for starting trouble! That night Tomoyo told her mom what she had heard and what had happened.

"Why would they be so mean to that girl? Just because she kissed another girl? Is that so terrible a thing?"

"No, it's not terrible at all, but there are a lot of people who think it is and they can be very harsh with those who break their rules. Two girls loving each other is not something that our culture accepts. It is sad but true."

This incident made a very strong impression on Tomoyo. She knew that she loved Sakura, and would certainly kiss her if she could, but there was no way she could even consider it any longer. Now there is another important reason why I cannot be with my Sakura-chan...

Her resolve only hardened when Huniko disappeared without any explanation. She must have had to change schools! It must be a terrible thing to love another girl. Tomoyo decided.

Flashback: Ninth grade.

"I've been thinking about us." Sakura started hesitantly.

"About 'us'? What do you mean?" Tomoyo replied casually as her mind snapped to full attention.

"It seems to me that you have been more than just a friend to me all these years. I've been thinking about this for a long time, and I wanted to bring it up, but it was hard."

"There is nothing hard, or strange about it." Tomoyo replied with her usual practiced smile. "My friends are important to me. And you are my very special friend. I care about you a lot, and I want you to be happy. That's all there is to it. It's just my sort of friendship."

"But I never saw you video taping anyone but me." Sakura said with a suspicious look.

"Of course not. My other friends aren't like you. Magical Princesses deserve special treatment!" The pain tore at the wound that never healed deep inside Tomoyo as she spoke in her happy voice and smiled her usual smile. I have no choice. Sakura's happiness is worth any pain, no matter how terrible.

Lately, she had taken up exercising in the evenings to tire her out so she could go to sleep more quickly and thus spend less time crying, but that night was another bad one.

As she sobbed, her clever mind refused to stopHow she wished she could just stop thinking, but that was one thing beyond even her amazing control.

Why? What did I do to get cursed like this? I've never done any harm to anyone! I am innocent! Yet I am being punished with this hellish pain. This world is certainly a horrible cruel place!

If only I had been born a boy. A boy with Magic, like Syaoran. Then I would be free to love her and win her love in return. We would be a proper couple and I could use my magic to protect her.

But no. I am girl. And what's even worse, a girl without any magic. So I am not allowed to try to win her love. I would be corrupting her. And I can't do that! She IS a princess! A wonderful Magical Princess. And no matter the pain, I must see to it that she finds her Prince and they live happily ever after. Perhaps, once she is married and living happily, I can find someone like myself. Someone I am allowed to love and who can love me in return. But then Tomoyo shook her head sadly. She was sure she could never love anyone but Sakura, no matter how many years had past. Her life was destined to be lonely and tormented, and there was no way to escape it.

XXX

That last year of middle school was the worst. She knew boys were asking Sakura out, and she was refusing every one. And this was good, since none of them were worthy of her. But she kept asking Tomoyo to go out with her, to the movies and shopping, and the amusement park. And treating her so sweetly.

Why do I let her do this to me? I could just claim I'm busy. But no, I let her tempt me over and over till my control is strained to the breaking point. She almost seems to be saying that she will give me her love if I will just accept it. But that can't be true! And even if it were, I couldn't do it. It would ruin her life! So I must be strong and keep my distance. Just be friends with her. What a cruel word that is! "Friends..." It has come to mean the most horrible sort of pain and torment.

But then during the summer break, as the stress was close to breaking the strong and determined Tomoyo, Syaoran came back from Hong Kong. It was both the very pinnacle of pain for Tomoyo, and her relief.

I can see it in their eyes. They are attracted to each other. How perfect! Her Magical Prince has arrived and Sakura's destiny is now assured. And I'm safe! There is no way I can break down and reveal my feelings now. Not when everything is going so right for her. Now I must dedicate myself to gently helping their love grow.

The thought that she was finally doing the 'right thing' gave Tomoyo the strength to then carry out her 'high school plan.' She took tests for five of the highest rated schools in Japan. When Sakura found out what schools Tomoyo was trying for, she tried for the same ones.

It hurts so much, to see how hard she is trying. She seems to be pushing herself to the breaking point, studying. Just so she can be with me. Tomoyo thought as she cried in her bed as usual. Then she repeated her usual mantra that kept her going, I will not allow my unnatural urges to corrupt the perfect beauty that is Sakura! I will keep her safe from me and Syaoran will keep her safe from others. I must hold to this plan, no matter what the price!

As the results trickled in, there were no surprises. Tomoyo had been accepted at four of the schools and Sakura had been rejected by them all. When Sakura read the rejection from the last of the schools she called Tomoyo immediately.

"We won't see each other anymore!" She whined into the phone and Tomoyo could practically see the tears running down her cheeks. It hurt so much that she couldn't even talk for a moment. But then her powerful self control came to her rescue. She had to pull herself together because Sakura needed her support and she had to provide it.

"I'm sorry Sakura-chan but we will still see each other on holidays and summer break, and we can write every day if you like. Just remember, high school is a very critical time in ones life. We need to devote ourselves to learn our lessons and get good grades so we can get into a good college. So we can't socialize like we did when we were younger. We have to concentrate on our future." A future without me. Tomoyo thought to herself as she felt the familiar knife stab into her chest and then slowly twist.

Sakura was terribly upset but since she had no choice, she applied to be tested at four of the local medium and lower rated schools. Tomoyo did her best to coach both Sakura and Syaoran right up to each test day. Then when they received the results, Syaoran surprised everyone by getting accepted to all four schools while Sakura was only accepted at the three lower ones. Sakura was once again hurt and miserable, but Syaoran surprised the two girls again when he told them that not only was he going to go to the same school that Sakura picked, but the Li's were buying him a small house near where Sakura lived so they could even ride the same bus to and from School.

This fit in perfectly with Tomoyo's plan, so she smiled happily and told Sakura how lucky she was that she wouldn't be stuck with a bunch of strangers when she started school.

Now she will see him every day, and only see me once in a while. Which is as it should be. Tomoyo thought to herself as she cried into her pillow yet again that night.