S!CK

By Candied

Author's notes: Ok, so in this chapter we start out with Axel, and then move back to Roxas. Just so ya know. XD Anyway, this chapter should make all you happy, I squeeled a couple times while re-reading. XD So, here ya go, enjoy!

Chapter six: Embrace your inner demons.

I ran a hand through my crimson red hair, and peered over to my friend, Demyx, who was happily parading around the apartment waving a five-dollar bill. I chuckled and shook my head, before glancing at Zexion.

"So, Zex, how's business been going? Any new crazies come to you lately?"

The man smirked, "None more crazy than the ones in this room."

I laughed. Zexion was a phsyciatrist. He had gotten into the field after being in our group of friends, convinced that he could help us with our 'issues'. Ironically, none of the friends in the group would go to him for help, not even me, though I had asked for a prescription. However, he knew me, and knew better than to ask, so gave me the prescription without question. I was thankful for that, thankful that Zexion knew me well enough to leave said subjects the hell alone.

I lit a ciggarette and returned his smile, before again glancing off into nothing, just thinking. After a few minutes, Demyx sat back down and started a conversation with his boyfriend, leaving me to my wandering mind.

That was, until I saw a glimpse of silver hair. I closed my eyes, and reached for the pill bottle in my hoodie pocket, before quickly jamming one into my mouth and swallowing.

Go away... Just go away...

I clenched my eyes shut until I could feel the chemical start to kick in. When I opened my eyes, I smirked at the success, and propped my head onto my hand.

Zexion glanced at me, but said nothing. Good ol' Zexion, he always knew when to keep his mouth shut.

There was a knock on the door, and I had guessed that Roxas had woken from his nap. I walked to the door and opened it, dissapointed when there was no such blonde standing there.

Instead, there was a muscular boy, younger than me, with black hair, and a girl with silver hair that only allowed you to see one of her red eyes. It was Rai and Fuu, Seifer's friends. I glared coldly at them.

"The hell do you punks want?"

"Seifer." Fuu replied to me in a very, 'that explains everything' like manner.

"We came to see him, y'know?" Rai insisted.

I sighed and let the two through the door, though I hated my brother and his little posse.

"Hey Seifer!" I called as I shut the door and made my way to Demyx's room where he was still locked up, "Your friend and girlfriend are here!"

Fuu scowled at me and Rai clenched his fists. "She's not his girlfriend, y'know!?"

I laughed and unlocked the door, "My bad, I mean your boyfriend and your friend."

I ignored Rai's glares as well as Seifer's as he came out of the room, walking past me.

He waved a hand at me as though he was brushing me off, "Just because gay runs in the family, Axel, that doesn't mean I got that gene."

I scowled at him. When we were younger, Seifer and I would find as many excuses to call eachother 'gay' as possible. I knew, though, that he had no idea that I was bisexual, and was more than happy to keep it that way.

"I'm going out," Seifer continued, "I'll be back eventually." He and the other two made their way to the door.

"Sure thing," I responded, "If you're not home before dad gets back, I'll tell him you fell out the window naked and were arrested for streaking."

Seifer didn't reply, and left hastily. I wasn't unhappy to see him go.

----

I felt the side of my face being cushioned by something soft, and a small grin came to my lips. There was a blanket over me, and I pulled it close to my body. Wherever I was, it was terribly comfortable. I opened my eyes, finally, and saw that I was in Axel's bed. After a moment, I remembered crying on Axel, but nothing after that. He must have brought me here.

I sat up and stretched my arms, before standing and walking to the door. I walked into Demyx's apartment, and smiled at the three males who had turned to face me.

"Hi, guys." I felt a lot better after crying like that, though I can't explain why.

I noticed that they were all looking at me with concern- even Axel- and waved my hands in a defensive motion. "I'm fine, guys, really!"

They gave me unsure smiles, and Demyx offered me a cup of coffee. I took it happily, and sat down at the table, noticing that Seifer was nowhere to be found.

"Where's jackass?" I asked coldly.

Axel smirked, "He left with his posse of twerps about an hour ago. If ya want I can hold him down when he comes back so you can punch."

I laughed, but upon seeing Demyx's concerned face I shook my head- even though the offer was more than appealing.

"Nah," I replied, "I think I scared the piss out of him enough for one day at least."

Axel nodded, and pulled his cell phone from his back pocket before tossing it to me. "Call your mom, man."

I nodded, and flipped open the phone to dial my mom's number. After a few rings, I got the answering machine again, unsurprisingly.

I listened to her speak for a moment, until I heard the beep.

"Hey mom, it's me Roxas. I'm not kidnapped or anything, so you can quit freaking out now. I'm staying with a friend for a while, but I'll be back eventually. If the number shows up on the caller ID, I don't think my friend would mind if you called, but he doesn't usually come home until around six, so try it then. I'll talk to you later. Bye."

I flipped the phone shut, and looked to my laughing friends, handing it back to Axel.

"What's so funny?"

Zexion stifled his laughter first, and so he was the one who replied to me. "You called Axel's apartment 'home'."

I grinned, and tilted my head down. "I did, didn't I?"

Now that I thought about it, this place was the most home I'd ever had. There were people here who cared about my well-being, took care of me, talked to me, made me a part of their family.

I silently wondered how I'd gotten so lucky. Sure, we didn't always get along, but that made it real. These were real people. They were my friends.

I laughed with them, and looked to Axel. "Well, it kind of is my home now, isn't it?"

Axel smirked, looking at me for only a moment before averting his eyes. "As long as you want it to be."

My grin faded, and I moved backwards in my shock. Was Axel really offering me his home as my own? Before, he had said 'as long as it takes', and now it was 'as long as you want it to be'. Did Axel really like having me around?

My gaze shifted to Sora, sitting in the corner. He was staring again at the red-haired man who was helping to get rid of him. The boy had a smile across his face, and his cheeks were... pink.

I blinked at the boy, who never turned to me, and followed his gaze to Axel. He was... staring at him.

I looked to Demyx, who had obviously noticed. He had a grin on his face of understanding.

NO. I. AM. NOT. GAY.

I stood up quickly, and looked away from my friends. "I-I'm going for a walk."

I was taken aback by the look Sora had been giving Axel. Those... those mushy eyes, that content smile. He looked as though he were pleased just to be around him.

I ran from the building, unaware of where I was going. I just... ran

Sora was... my inner voice. If he was looking at Axel that way... it would mean that I did too, right?

WRONG. That was impossible. Axel was a guy. A GUY. I was certainly not into dudes. I mean, I never looked at Hayner, Pence, Seifer, Demyx- any guy I had ever met that way. In fact, I once had a crush on Olette! I was sure that I liked girls.

Olette.

I knew now where I was going. I'd go to see her. I knew I could talk to her about anything, and I knew that she would never tell a soul. I made my way to the station, and bummed some money off a guy for a ticket.

Before I knew it, I was standing in front of the door to Olette's house, knocking.

The door opened, and a brunnette femme stood infront of me. Her face turned to shock, and she threw her arms around me.

"Roxas! Roxas, you're alright! I've been so worried."

I put a hand to her back, and remembered that everyone thought I had been kidnapped.

"Yeah- Sorry about that. I've been... taking care of some things."

She pulled herself away from me, and looked at me happily. "I'm just glad you're ok! Come in, no one's home so we can make food or whatever you want."

I nodded, and she led me into the living room. We sat there for a while as I explained where I had been all this time.

When I finished, she nodded. "So, you're having mental issues?"

I had told her about Sora, and so I nodded. "Yeah, but that's not why I came here. There's... something else that's bugging me."

"What is it, Roxas?" she asked, a frown of concern crossing her lips.

"This has to stay strictly between you and me, ok?"

She nodded, and put her hand on my leg. "I promise. What is it?"

"Well... you remember how I told you about Axel? Well, I've been noticing Sora looking at him for a while, but today, I noticed that he had these... these... ga-ga eyes when he's looking at him. That he was blushing. I think that... Well, what I mean is..." I realized now that I sounded like a complete lunatic.

"You think you might be gay?" she asked.

"No! I am not gay! I just think that I might... I might..."

"Be gay for Axel?"

I put my head in my hands, shaking it. "I've completely lost my mind."

"Well, Roxas, it is possible. I mean, you're very vulnerable right now. Axel's shown you kindness. It wouldn't surprise me at all that you care for him."

A lump appeared in my throat, but I spoke through it anyway. "But Ollete, it's more than that. He held me as I cried earlier, and it felt so good. It was like being wrapped in the arms of... of... I don't even know!"

I could tell from her voice that she was concerned, though I couldn't see her face through my hands. "Roxas... there's nothing wrong with that. See, there's something about this that I don't think you understand; Love doesn't discriminate. It can come at any time, any place, with any gender-"

I shot up from my seat on the couch and glared at her, fists clenched. "I do NOT love Axel!" Upon seeing her hurt face, I flopped back into my seat, and looked at her sheepishly. "I'm sorry."

She sighed and shook her head. "All I can do is tell you what I see. You are the one that has to accept it. I can't do that for you."

I nodded, and shoved my face into a pillow, only managing to mumble out an "I know."

She walked to me, and pet my hair, acting like the mother she had always been to Hayner, Pence and myself.

"I miss him, too Roxas..." she whispered, "I miss the way things used to be. I know you were closer to him than Pence and I were, and I know that you were the only one who had to watch... that. But we're all going through pain. I know it's harder for you, and I'm sorry. I wish I could take it all away for you, but I can't. And now you've got even more problems to make it hard on you. I want to help you- we all do, but we can't help if you don't let us in."

I picked up my head from the decorative pillow, and looked to her. "I know, Olette... I'm sorry."

The girl smiled and stood up, pulling me up as well by my wrist. "Look, you just got finished telling me that you ran out of that apartment building like a bat out of hell, so your friends are probably worried sick. You should go back and let them know you're alright. You don't have to tell Axel how you feel, or even decide how you feel about him. Just don't worry them to death like you've done to us. I'll call Pence and let him know I saw you, ok?"

I nodded, and put my arms around the girl. "Thank you, Olette." I let go of her, and headed to the door. "I'll try not to be such a stranger from now on, too."

She smiled and waved at me, "You better!"

I returned the soft smile, and closed the door behind me. When I saw Sora standing there, I must have gaped. I started to walk, and spoke to him as he walked beside me. "It's true, isn't it? I have feelings for Axel, don't I?"

I got a soft smile and a nod from the spikey-haired brunette, and lowered my gaze to my feet. I watched them walk past the station- because I didn't think I'd get so lucky as to bum more money off anyone in the same night- headed in the direction of Axel's part of town.

As I was getting closer to Axel's neighborhood, there were more hookers suggesting that I looked like I needed to 'have some fun'. I ignored them, still staring at my feet as I walked. It didn't take much longer as I got closer to downtown until I heard my name called out by an all-too familliar voice.

"Roxas!"

I looked up in the direction of the familliar voice to see a red-haired man with triangular tatoos under his green eyes running torwards me. It was Axel, making his way torwards me.

I raised a hand to wave, but when I went to speak all that came out was a simple, "Ehhh..."

I could tell that he saw through my weak attempt at a smile, because he would have to be stupid not to.

"Roxas, where have you been?! You just... ran out of the apartment and dissapeared! We've been looking for you everywhere!" he spurted out, lighting a ciggarette as he caught his breath. He must have been running for a while.

"I... I had to talk to my friend, Olette." I replied, barely able to look in his eyes, knowing now what I felt.

He took a puff of his ciggarette, almost glaring at me, though it was more of a concerned look.

"Next time you get the uncontrollable urge to go see your girlfriend, let someone freakin' know! Got it memorized?! We were worried about you!"

I shook my head, "But Axel, she's not my girlfriend..." I looked up into those green eyes that stared me down, "I couldn't look at her like that if I tried."

Not when he was in my life, confusing every brain cell I had anyway...

Axel made a weird face at me that consisted of him raising an eyebrow and opening his mouth, while turning his head. Maybe I had made myself a little obvious with that statement.

"Why? She's not pretty? If it's the brunette in that picture that you keep in your wallet, then I don't see why not."

So, Axel had gone through my wallet at least once.

"Yeah... that's her." I looked to the ground, "Thing is, though, there's someone else I see that way. Even though I'm not sure I should, or that even want to."

Yeah, there ya go, Roxas. Give yourself away like the idiot you are.

"I see." Axel replied, putting a hand through his hair as he looked me over, obviously trying to devise just what I had meant by that.

"C'mon, let's get you home," he finally concluded.

Home. The word had never sounded so soothing, not that I ever remembered. But, when Axel said it just then, it was like I understood its true meaning.

"Yeah... let's go home."

We walked in the direction of home, Axel on his cell phone letting Zexion and Demyx know I was alright. When he closed the cell phone, he stared at it for a moment before returning it to his pocket.

"So, Roxas... Who is it that you er... 'see that way', huh?" He turned his head to look at me, but I still stared at the ground.

I sighed, unsure of what to say.

"It's... not important, really. Just someone who showed me... how to live again."

"How to live again?" he turned his head forwards once more, "Wow. Sounds like a great girl."

I stared at the road ahead, and laughed a little. "You'd think so, wouldn't you?"

He turned to me again. "What's that supposed to mean?"

"This person is a little on the crazy side." I replied, smiling at him.

He smirked, "Sounds perfect for you."

If only Axel knew that I was talking about him, he might not have smiled so widely in that moment. I mean, Axel wasn't gay...

How on earth was I supposed to deal with this?

We made it back to the apartment without speaking after that last conversation. As soon as we walked in, Demyx had thrown his arms around me, telling me how worried he had been, which sent Zexion into fits of laughter.

"Roxas, do you even know what it's like out there during the night!? I was almost mugged while I was out looking for you! Thank goodness I didn't have any money!"

I laughed and Demyx let go of me, smiling at me in a way that almost made me cringe.

"I understand the need to take a walk just to think," he said, still with that same smile.

Oh, God. Demyx knew.

"Clear your head, mull things over in your mind..."

Demyx knew. He freaking knew!

"It's not easy, discovering that you may have different feelings about something that's happened than you did initially. It can be hard to accept."

Demyx knows, and I'm going to find Axel's pistol and commit suicide.

"But it all turns out ok in the end."

I must have been gawking at him, because Axel put his hand on my shoulder and peered down at my face. "Are you ok, man?"

I snapped myself out of it, and turned my head to Axel, though my eyes stayed transfixed on Demyx. "Yeah, man, I'm fine."

He was smiling at me, that wicked, evil, knowing smile that sent chills down my spine.

"Demyx, can I talk to you?"

He nodded, and I dragged his ass out of the room, down the stairs, and out the door.

I let go of his wrist and turned to him. "You know."

He laughed, and shrugged his shoulders. "I only know what I see."

I put my hands to my hair, wanting to rip it out. I was caught.

"But- how did you??? I didn't even..."

He touched my shoulder and laughed a little. "How did I notice you gawking at him? Or Sora gawking at him? You both did it. It's a bit hard not to notice."

"Damn you, Demyx!" I pointed a finger at him, suddenly filled with rage. "If you tell Axel, I'll-"

He raised his hands defensively, backstepping. "I won't say a word, Roxas, I promise. Just let me tell you one thing."

"What is it?"

"Axel isn't always what he seems. Don't let his outward appearance decieve you. There is more to him than you may see so far."

I raised an eyebrow, but Demyx was already walking back into the apartment. What was that supposed to mean?

I felt a tap on my shoulder, and turned around to see Axel's father, Reno. I smiled akwardly.

"Hi, Mr. Reno."

He laughed a little. "It's just 'Reno'. Isn't it past your bedtime, Roxas?"

I laughed, "You come for Seifer?"

The man nodded, and I continued. "I don't know if he's home."

Reno's blue eyes went into a scowl, and we headed inside. "He's such a pain in my ass..."

We walked into Demyx's and Axel's face turned to despair. I chuckled mildly as Reno tapped his knightstick on his shoulder.

"Where's Seifer?"

"Don't know, don't care." Axel replied.

"I left him in your charge, and you don't know where he is? You're supposed to be a big brother, Axel."

Axel sat on the couch, and propped up a foot on the coffee table. "And you're supposed to be a father, Reno."

The man raised his stick as if to slug Axel with it, but let his arm drop back down to his side.

"It's not easy being a single parent with two kids and a job, y'know."

"It's not easy trying to raise yourself and your delinquent brother because your father is never home, either."

Reno sneered at his son, "You're an ungrateful brat, Axel. I gave you a good life. You had everything you needed-"

"Except for parents."

Reno sighed. "Look, I'm sorry that I wasn't always around-"

"You mean that you were never around?"

"I had a job to do, a job the kept your stomach full!"

"A job that left so little time for your family life that your second son has no idea what the word father means, and spends his time wreaking havoc around the city?"

Axel stood up now, and the two red-haired men glared into eachother's eyes.

"With all that work you have to do, it's a wonder you found time to breed at all, let alone twice." Axel hissed at his father.

"In case you forgot, it was I who took care of the two of you. Not your mother, who killed herself, right in front of your eyes and left us to die. She did that to you, Axel, not me."

Axel crossed his arms. "It was you who gave us the things it took to survive, but neither Seifer or myself got the moral support of a parent."

Reno headed to the door, and looked sadly at Axel over his shoulder. "I did the best I could with what I had. When I wasn't around, you had Rude or eachother. I'll do my best to come around more often."

"Don't bother," Axel retorted, "It's too late now."

Reno left the room, and I looked to Axel.

How could he be so cold?

"What are you looking at?" Axel asked me icily.

"The only person I've ever seen that has a heart so full of ice they could shoot snow cones out their ass." I replied. For some reason, seeing that side of Axel hurt me, but I covered it with anger instead of pain.

Demyx frowned, "You did go a little hard on him, Axel. I remember your father coming home quite a few times..."

"And passing out on the couch." Axel whispered, though he didn't seem as angry. "Look, I'll call him tomorrow. If he answers the phone, I'll apologize, but I'm pretty sure he has to work."

I knew that Axel couldn't possibly hate his father as much as he pretended. I think he only wanted to hate him that much. He had a hard life, this was apparent, but I guess he never had anyone to blame.

I didn't know the whole story, but I knew for sure that I was missing some major pieces. Like, how Axel's father could be so young, and why he was a witness to his mother's suicide, amongst other things.

Axel and I bid Demyx and Zexion goodnight, and returned to our bare apartment. Axel climbed into bed, and I layed down on the couch.

"Hey Axel?"

"Yeah, man?"

"Do you really hate Reno so much?"

"I dunno."

"He tried his best to give you a good life."

"I know."

"Your dad seems really young."

"He is."

"But... how old is he?"

"Uh... I think... 29?"

"How old are you!?" I sat up, staring at the red-haired man under the black sheets.

"19."

"But that means he was-"

Axel sat up. "He was ten, yes. My mother was his peverted school teacher, and didn't think that she could get pregnant by a ten year old, but guess what? She did. She had Seifer when he was 13, and killed herself when he was 14. She left him with two bouncing babies when he was just a freshman in highschool. He dropped out, and got a job at the company he works at now as some hot-shot CEO's bodygaurd. He was always a fighter. That's where he met Rude, who we moved in with. That's the story. Got it memorized? The End. Go to sleep."

I layed back down, and heard him sliding back under the sheets. Wow, Axel's life was a lot more complicated than I thought.

And a grown woman had sex with Reno when he was ten years old... gross!

I tried to sleep with this knowledge floating around in my mind, but it took some time until I finally drifted off.

Author's notes: Aaaaaaaand we learn a little about Axel, and we see Roxas falling for him. Sweet, ne? So review! Or neither of them will ever confess their feelings!!! O.O