She hadn't meant to do it. She really hadn't! Yet here she was again. This would be the fourth night in a row. Was she mad?
"Hi, Sam."
"Jess!" Sam stood up, his knees avoiding the table for once, and waited for her to sit down.
It hadn't escaped her how after the second time she'd shown up to share the space at the library, he started keeping the seat next to him clear in case she showed. And showed she had. This was crazy!
It wasn't as if they exchanged any more than a few pleasantries and an occasional word, but she found herself looking forward to their study time together. Though they didn't talk, she no longer felt as lonely. They had a companionable silence, which was an unusual thing. It was almost as if they shared in a mutual purpose, were working toward the same goal. It was nice. It nearly made the reasons she was actually there kind of worth it.
Reminded of her troubles, it made her think about Sam's possible reasons for being down there. She'd imagined all sorts of things over the last week to account for it, but none of them felt right. She'd not been able to help but notice a few things that added to the puzzle either.
From the first she'd known he turned the back of his seat to the corner. She'd also learned he seemed to know when someone was looking at him. Yesterday, she'd learned he could do even more. At sometime after eight she'd felt him go quiet and still as she'd seen him do before when she stared at him. Except that time, she wasn't. A minute or two later, a librarian crossed by to deposit some books into their proper slots, and then it hit her. Sam had sensed the intrusion the moment the woman entered the room!
All of a sudden his seat placement had taken a paranoid turn in her mind. It was like one of those old westerns or spy movies, where the hero or bad guys sat in the back against the wall, so no one could sneak up on them, and faced toward the entrance so they could check out everyone who came in. It was a totally strange thing to think, but she couldn't get rid of the idea once she had it. Who in the world would be coming after someone like him?
She watched him over the top of her book. She saw a small smile momentarily light his face then go away. It was as if she'd been moved to the category of safe, or even familiar, so he didn't need to check when he felt her stare anymore. Weirdly, it made her feel happy, but at the same time it was such an odd thing!
"Sam, can I ask you something?"
His gaze met hers. The white and blue striped shirt he was wearing made his eyes look blue. "Sure."
"It's going to sound weird."
This seemed to intrigue him rather than put him off. "Okay."
Jess took a deep breath and made herself come out with it. "Don't get me wrong, but… I was kind of wondering why you spend so much time down here."
He stared at her seriously. "Is that considered odd?"
He didn't know? "No! I mean, unusual, maybe. Not really odd." Oh boy, what was she saying? It was super odd! Weird. Strange. Down right queer! But then she was one to talk.
She felt a tinge of guilt, as he seemed to take her at his word. She bit the edge of her lip.
"It's just the quietest place I could find." He didn't look directly at her, as if never having told anyone about this before. "My roommates are nice and all, but terribly noisy! The whole dorm is. It's like a constant party sometimes. I can tune out a lot of stuff, but they push my limits. And to be honest, I, I don't have that much in common with them, so…this was easier."
"Oh." Nothing horrid or secretive, just a desire for peace and quiet and to be able to study. She didn't know why she felt so surprised at this, but she was.
"Why did you start coming here?" He glanced at her then looked away, as if giving her a chance to avoid the question if she wanted.
"Same reason! Weird coincidence, huh?" She let the conversation die and returned to her books. She felt like a worm. She'd brought the subject up after all. She should have expected him to be curious as well. But her reasons sounded so much like something out of some cheap soap opera, she just couldn't bring herself to admit the facts.
When she bid him goodnight right before the library closed, Jess was still feeling the ugly sting of guilt. Sam was so open, seemed so innocent. She felt horrible for not being honest. The truth though was just too embarrassing. She'd have to find a way to make it up to him.
She left the library and started off in the direction of the bookstore and Santa Teresa street. She was so deeply into her thoughts, she didn't notice someone stand up from a shadow enshrouded bench until she was too close to avoid it.
"Jessica. Darling."
Oh crap. "Roger?" She glanced quickly around her but saw no one else. The two of them were alone. "What are you doing here?"
He gave her a big smile, his chiseled features screaming handsome. His golden blond hair glinted in the walkway light, every last strand in place. He brought forward a bouquet of roses he'd been hiding behind his back. "These are for you."
Jess took a step back. "Roger. I thought I'd been quite clear before. I'm not interested." How had he found her? Were there groupies of his in the shadows or was he actually here alone?
"Come on, baby. You've never even given me a chance." He jumped forward and closed the distance between them. He grabbed her by the arm before she could back away. "That's all I'm asking for."
He tried shoving the bouquet at her, their heavy perfume splashing over her. She still wouldn't take it.
"Come on. You're a fine looking woman. I'm a damn good looking guy. I'm up and coming. We would make a great couple. You know we would."
"Roger…let go of me." She tried to pull away, but he wouldn't let her.
"Darling, you've put me in a bad spot, you know? I told every one you'd be mine. All I'm asking is for a shot. We can try out a relationship and if it doesn't work out, we call it quits. What's the big deal? What would it hurt?" He reeled her in nearer, his face very close to hers.
She was starting to get mad. It was easier than feeling the fear nibbling at the back of her mind. "It would interfere with my plans, is what. And the fact I've told you over and over that I am not interested. Whatever crow you have to eat for boasting to your friends that I would go out with you is not my problem."
His pretty smile frayed and died. She wondered how many hours he spent in front of the mirror perfecting it.
"That wasn't very nice."
"And accosting me in the middle of the night, is? Putting your goons to look for me all over the school, is?"
The grip on her arm grew tight -- painfully so. "You shouldn't talk to me like that. You'll be sorry."
His eyes turned flat, the set of his mouth mean. She could feel her pulse speed up, knowing things weren't looking good. But she couldn't back down. "Then let go of me and leave me alone. Before I bring out Big Bad Jessica and show you what's what."
Roger laughed in her face. "Big Bad Jessica? Who the hell is that? All I see is a harmless little cutie, who's going to be a good girl and cooperate. Unless she wants me to tell the whole school we've been sleeping together and what a bad lay she really is? What would that do to your pretty college experience?"
"I warned you." Before she could think about it and chicken out, Jess grabbed the pinkie of the hand he'd grabbed her with and twisted.
"Holy shit!" Roger dropped the bouquet, his whole body trying to follow the direction she turned his pinkie. He dropped to his knees. "You bitch!"
"Now that wasn't nice. Big Bad Jessica doesn't like people who aren't nice." She twisted the finger again, bending it toward the back of his hand. "I'll break it. Then how will that look?"
"No, no, don't. Please don't." His face was white with pain.
"Then I suggest you leave me alone. If you're lucky, I won't go straight to the college police and press charges." She twisted it again. "You get me?"
"YES! I get you. I do!"
"Then get the hell away! Now!" She let go of his hand and jumped back, well out of his reach.
Roger threw daggers at her with his eyes, cradling his hand.
"I don't see you moving!" She shrugged out of her backpack and grabbed it by the handle at the end. She started swinging it back and forth never taking her attention off him. If he decided to come at her, he was about to find out what five or six books felt like connecting with his face.
Roger staggered to his feet, hate glaring from him, his face screwed up in loathing. He turned away and trying to look halfway in control, shambled off.
Jess kept her backpack swinging, and spotted the bouquet of roses he'd dropped on the ground. "And by the way, asshole! Roses are lame!" She kicked at it and watched the blooms break apart as they flew in different directions.
The moment Roger was gone from sight she dropped the backpack to the ground. Her whole body shook in reaction as she slowly realized she'd gotten away with it. Big Bad Jessica had made the Stupid Jock go home! Her daddy would have been proud.
Her knees suddenly felt weak. She staggered over to the bench vacated by Roger before they gave out and dropped her to the ground. Oh god, oh god, oh god. What had just happened? What had she done? He would have hurt her. She was sure of it.
Her breath rushed in and out and she had to work at not hyperventilating. Hot tears stung her eyes. She hugged herself and leaned forward, trying to maintain control. All she wanted to do just then was howl.
She rocked back and forth, telling herself repeatedly that it was over, that she was fine. That she got through it. She started making herself believe it.
"Jess? Are you all right?"
She almost screamed at the sound of the voice. Adrenaline shot through her and she jumped to her feet. "Who's there?" She hoped her demand didn't sound as shaky as she felt.
"It's me. Sam."
She half turned and spotted him standing in a pool of light not ten feet from her. She'd never heard him approach.
Her legs almost gave way with relief at seeing the familiar face. Then she stiffened again. What the hell was the scholar doing here? Hadn't he told her his dorm was on the opposite side of the campus? "Are you stalking me?"
A look of panicked embarrassment rushed across his face. "N-no, it's nothing like that!" His whole face scrunched up in that way of his as he tried to stammer out an explanation. "It's just that you're always staying so late at the library. It worried me, thinking of you walking home alone. It's not safe out at night."
Despite herself, she found her heart beating just a little faster, and this time it had nothing to do with panic or fear. She could tell Sam was totally earnest. This stranger, who knew nothing of her except that she was a fellow student, was concerned about her. "I'm a big girl, you know. I can take of myself."
He looked away, pressing his lips together, obviously even more mortified than before. He nervously rubbed his right palm against his thigh. "I know. I saw."
Now it was her turn to feel embarrassed. "Oh…"
"He didn't hurt you, did he?" His tone clearly implied someone would pay if he had.
Jess shook her head. She was grateful to note Sam kept his distance. She didn't think she could deal with someone invading her space right then. "I'm okay." She glanced around and spotted her discarded backpack. Retrieving it, she put it back on. She was glad to note her hands were no longer shaking. "I should get going. My roommates will be wondering where I am." She tried to give him a smile though she knew it would fall way short of the mark. "Goodnight, Sam."
She turned away, trying not to think about having to go all that distance alone.
"Jess, wait!"
She bit her lip and stopped. She half turned to look back at him. "What?"
Sam wasn't looking at her, but was staring at the tip of his shoes. His long bangs hid the expression on his face. "Would you…would you consider letting me walk you home? Or at least within sight of your dorm?" He glanced up at her then quickly looked away again. "Don't get me wrong, it's not that I don't think you could make it on your own. You've obviously had some self-defense courses, or something. But I would just feel so much better if I personally knew you made it there okay. As I said before, it's not safe out at night."
Jess stared at him not entirely sure what to make of all this. Everyone knew it was never one hundred percent safe anywhere at night, heck, even during the day, but the way he said it went beyond normal for that type of thing. Was there something here she should be afraid of?
She vacillated between telling him not to worry and shivering where she stood. Then she remembered Roger. Maybe this once it wouldn't hurt to have someone escort her most of the way. "Okay. Sure."
The open relief on his face told her she'd done the right thing, even as the extreme extent of it made her wonder what she didn't know about. Perhaps he was only worrying about Roger.