She shouldn't be here. She didn't want to be here. Being with other people was the last thing Jess needed right now.

But Becky had been relentless. First coaxing her out of the bathroom. Then telling her over and over that she'd done the right thing. That Shirl was totally out of line. Then somehow convincing her to get dressed. Going on about how they shouldn't be in the room when Shirl came for her things.

Jess stared at the bar's glass doors, at the bouncing, happy people she could see through the lit window. The whole scene felt alien, something she was outside of and could never take part in. As if some integral thing within her had changed. "Becky, no, I can't do this." She tried to pull her hand away from the other's grip.

"You have to, Jess! You can't let Roger win, which is exactly what he'll be doing if you let what happened keep you from the party. Besides, I want you to meet Zach."

Jess swallowed hard. "I know I look awful. You can't ask me to go in there like this. You just can't."

"You look fine!" Becky waved at her with her free hand. "There's not an ugly thing about you." She squeezed Jess's hand. "I brushed your hair, we got you all cleaned up. Okay, you may not have a lot of makeup on, but that sort of thing is wasted on you anyway! You look absolutely scrumptious."

Jess felt herself half smile, but only because she knew she must look anything but.

"Come on. A drink or two in you, and you can put all this stupid stuff totally behind you. Trust me!"

Still not feeling all that sure about this, Jess allowed her friend to tug her inside. If all else failed, she would have a couple of drinks, mingle for a few minutes and then slip away when Becky wasn't looking.

Music blared all around them as Becky jumped up and down a few times trying to catch sight of her brother. "This way!"

Bodies jostled against them and for the first time in her life Jess felt closed in, her breath a little more ragged than usual. No rave or concert had ever affected her in this way. With her height, she tended to have an advantage over most others. Today it was making no difference whatsoever. She should never have come.

"Zach!"

Becky pulled forward, dragging them from the immediate dance floor to a slightly calmer area of small tall round tables surrounded by stools. A dark haired young man with the beginnings of a goatee left one of the tables to hug Becky. "Sis!"

"So glad you could make it! Are you settling in okay?" The din was so loud, Becky was almost having to scream to be heard.

"Yeah. Everything's good."

Becky half turned, put her arm around Jess and pulled her forward. "Zach, this is Jessica. Jess, Zach."

Jess forced a smile she didn't feel and extended her hand. "Hi. Nice to finally meet you."

He took her hand and shook it, giving her the usual once over. "Nice to meet you!"

"Down, lover boy. Jess's had a long day. She needs cheering up, not young stud slobber."

"Hey now!"

Becky grinned from ear to ear then hugged her brother again. "It's really good to see you."

Zach showed them to his table and shoved aside the half empty glasses of friends who Jess could only assume were presently off somewhere else in the throng.

As they sat down, Zach pushed off toward the bar in the back to get them some drinks. The folks pressed about it looked like a pack of raving piranha. Jess sighed as the beginnings of a headache threatened.

Becky talked of anything and everything trying to keep her distracted as they waited for Zach's return. Jess wasn't sure why she bothered. She could hardly understand a thing she said and of what she did, she had nothing to add.

By the time Zach came back, she was definitely ready for a drink. Jess reached for the closest glass and shot the whiskey back without hesitation.

"Now that's the spirit!" Becky grabbed one for herself and drank it somewhat more discreetly.

The alcohol hit Jess's stomach like a rock and for a moment she thought she would retch. She quickly grabbed a handful of pretzels and gobbled them down. Shots had never done that to her before, even on an empty stomach. She wasn't herself at all.

She chomped down on another handful, and followed them both with another drink.

As Zach and Becky chatted, occasionally passing words with an acquaintance or friend who wandered by, Jess let her half unfocused gaze sweep through the moving, shoving, or seated bodies. Familiar faces flared here and there, but not anyone she was actually close to. She had a lot of friends, but none of them were more than acquaintances, except for maybe Becky. And as proved by Shirl not so very long ago, thinking you were close to someone you'd met in college and was your roommate, didn't necessarily mean anything in itself.

Jess reached for another drink, smiling at Zach as he said something she didn't hear. She was in the middle of a sea of people, yet had never felt so utterly alone in her life. The liquor blazed its way down and she tried to concentrate on that instead of the burning in her eyes. Coming here had been a total, absolute mistake.

She could feel her insides wanting to unravel. She needed out. Yet glancing at the sea of clashing bodies blocking the exit only sent a wave of trepidation rushing through her. If she were forced to wade through that, she would end up screaming and tearing at her hair. But she couldn't stay here.

"Becky, I'll be back."

Without even looking to see if her friend heard her, Jess slipped off her stool and waded through the tall tables toward the back left side of the bar. She felt someone's hand slide across her ass as she moved past. She instantly stiffened, almost crying out, tears springing to her eyes as if she were some vestal virgin. She should punch the bastard, whoever he was. Instead she quickened her pace, knowing she was more likely to collapse into a quivering puddle in the middle of the floor than exact retribution.

Her heart speeded up as she caught sight of the women's restroom door. She headed straight for the possible haven.

As she opened the door, her heart sank within her chest. The place was packed with chattering women who needed to use the facilities, primp their hair, or touch up their makeup. She would get no relief in there.

As she let her hand fall so the door could close, tears threatened again. With a surge of anger, she pinched herself to drive them back. When had she become such a total weakling? People were betrayed every day, weren't they? This was a common occurrence.

The facts didn't make her feel any better inside, however, and it didn't make the pain of it any less.

Jess turned around loath to make her way back, and leaned instead against the restroom's doorframe. Her gaze roamed listlessly around the room as she tried to figure out what to do next. Her attention latched on one of the few normal tables, which were set against the windows. She stared at what was there, in snatches of time, as people crowded in and out of her view. At one of them, though numerous glasses and bowls of pretzels and nuts covered the table, all the chairs were empty except for one. The sole occupant had his chin in his hand and was staring out through the window into the night. She felt her pulse race as she recognized the profile – it was her hermit scholar – Sam.

She was halfway to the table before she ever questioned what she was doing. She still had no answer by the time she reached it. But never during the whole time had she slowed her steps at all.

Jess was rather proud of the calm in her voice when she spoke. "I never thought to see you here."

Sam's face turned before his eyes did, as if reluctant to be drawn into the world of others. This all changed, however, as his gaze slid over her and recognition flared. "Jess!"

He sprang to his feet, looking incredibly pleased to see her. Luckily for him, these tables were taller than the ones in the library. She felt a faint smile tug at her lips at the thought.

"Do you come here often?" She grimaced internally, hoping he wouldn't notice the overused line for the lame opening that it was.

He shook his head, seemingly oblivious. "No. My roommates think it's fun to drag me here occasionally. Let's them think they're helping me out by getting me to live a little."

Jess smiled, tickled at the thought. Might be fun to meet his roommates. But then again…

"Are you all right?"

She almost laughed out loud. No, she wasn't all right. Though the distressed puppy look on his face did make her feel a little better. It was nice that an almost stranger could be concerned for her like this…again… Maybe they shouldn't be strangers anymore. She had to be strong! Becky was right, she couldn't give Shirl and Roger and those others the satisfaction of letting them ruin her evening. She should do something for herself.

She looked at Sam and the worry still lingering there. She ought to have done this a while ago. She stuck out her hand. "Jessica Lee Moore."

His brow furrowed further. "Excuse me?"

"My full name. It's Jessica Lee Moore. Pleased to meet you."

An easy smile flashed on his face for a moment. "Sam, uhm, Samuel Winchester, actually." He shook her hand. The grip was as steady and strong as the first time they officially met.

"Well then, Samuel." She saw him cringe at that. "I mean, Sam… Let's be friends. I need some friends."

His gaze wouldn't meet her own, his brow bunching together. "I thought we already were."

This had her smiling for no reason she could name. Actually, she felt almost giddy. The drinks were finally kicking in. "Of course we are. But now we'll be even better friends. We can get to know each other, not be just study buddies."

"Well, hello there!" A young black man came up to the table and checked her appreciatively up and down. "Sam, my man, who is this fine female specimen?"

Sam threw her an apologetic look. "Jess, this is one of my roommates. Jeff, this is my friend, Jess."

"Nice to meet you, toots!" Jeff gave her a broad friendly smile.

She wasn't sure if it was his charm or the alcohol, but she rather liked him already. "I hear Sam is your little pet project."

Sam threw her an astonished look. Jeff also appeared surprised.

"He told you that, did he?" Jeff's smile grew in wattage. "We were starting to wonder if he even knew how to talk to girls."

"Jeff, please. I'm standing right here." Sam's indignant expression made both of them crack up.

It was a whole new facet of her scholar she'd not seen before. She rather liked it. There might be some hope for him yet. "Come on, you. Let's go dance." She grabbed Sam's hand and pulled him away from the table. "Nice meeting you, Jeff!"

"You, too! Feel free to show him some moves, will you?"

Jess grinned then almost burst out laughing at the stunned expression on Sam's face. He didn't resist her as she dragged him along, however.

She steered them to the fringes of the dancing mob. Some pounding 80's song was blaring over the speakers, but with the buzz of conversation, only the heavy beat was coming through. It would be enough.

She started swaying to the music, a light buzz from the alcohol gratefully making itself felt. Sam stood stiffly before her, as if not having a clue as to what to do, his brow furrowed. Taking pity on him, she took his hands in hers and guided him a little.

"I never realized this before, but, you're not very shy, are you?"

Jess bit her lip. "Is that a bad thing?" Was he already having second thoughts?

He gave her an embarrassed lopsided smile. "No. It, it just reminds me of my brother Dean, is all. He's not the timid type, not by a long shot."

She could feel him loosening up, his body swaying more easily to the booming beat. "So this is a compliment then?" She couldn't help smiling as she noted a touch of color brush his cheeks.

"Sure."

"Good." She picked up the tempo a little.

A few songs later, and she was feeling almost normal. Sam really was a fast learner. He kept all his moves somewhat reserved, but he possessed a natural grace of motion that lent itself to the dance. It was liberating to do this. She hadn't danced like this since she came here, afraid anyone she chose to dance with would assume there was more to it. That they would develop certain assumptions.

To dance was freedom. No need for thought, no problems to get in the way. Just movement, abandonment, release -- she and Sam dancing. No Roger, no Shirl, no stalking, no betrayals, nothing. There was only the dance, the easy companionship, no demands, no expectations.

The beat died and her movements faltered. The lights in the bar grew dim, the new song barely even perceived, but the beat slow. Couples in the dancing area clung close to one another.

Sam stopped, noticing the change. "Would you like to go back to the table now?"

A flurry of panic careened through her. Just when she was starting to finally feel like herself. Why? "No, please." She was forced to blink several times. What was wrong with her? When did she become so frail? "Unless it would make you uncomfortable?"

A small smile flickered for a moment. "Never." He stepped in close, and after taking her hand in his, he placed his left arm around her waist. She in turn put hers around his.

She couldn't look at him. They were so close she could feel the heat coming off his body, yet they didn't touch.

"You're not all right, are you? What can I do?"

He spoke so softly, she could choose not to have heard. But should she? Could she? He was right, she wasn't okay. She wasn't sure she ever would be, though she knew Becky would say different. But what did she need? What would help? What did she want?

Still not looking at him, Jess got rid of the miniscule distance between them. His grip on her hand and waist didn't change, though she heard him gasp lightly. Gingerly, she placed her head between his neck and shoulder. The sigh that escaped her at the contact was filled with pure relief.

She removed her hand from his and circled his waist. He did the same. She sighed again. It was like being wrapped in a cocoon of warmth and shelter. Sam made no demands, he said nothing, just held her and swayed to the music. It was like heaven.

"I'll keep you safe."

Hearing his words, she thought her heart would stop. They should have meant nothing to her. She was strong. She didn't need anyone like this. Yet they touched her deeper than anything ever had.

The song ended and another upbeat one took its place, but Sam's pace never varied. He only swayed from side to side holding her in his arms.

Jess clung to him, hiding her face in his chest. Tears of shame and joy ran softly down her face. She hoped they might stay like this forever.