They survived dinner and even desert. Jess hadn't once strangled her Mother, though she had to admit she came close once or twice. Under her parents' watchful eyes she gave Sam a chaste kiss then they'd gone their separate ways to bed.

So here she was, hours later, surrounded by all her familiar things, awake, excited, and wondering if she was insane.

There'd been more than one reason as to why she invited Sam to come with her. The most obvious was not wanting to be away from him, to spend as much time with him as she could, and to get to know him better. She also wanted him to learn more about her, about her past, and what better way than to bring him back to where she grew up and to introduce him to the parents? Even though she'd had to put up with the inevitable showing of the baby album pictures…during desert no less…And Sam's delight at seeing the stereotypical baby on the bear rug photo had been way too obvious.

But there was one other reason she asked him to come. One she'd not allowed herself to really think about too much. The true reason for the plan.

Jess grabbed her faded Raggedy Ann doll and hugged her to her chest.

Sam never pushed her, didn't rush her. He only took what she gave him and never anything more. It was weird, almost unnatural. It spoke of self-control, of respect, things she'd never gotten from a male before. It made her feel empowered -- that her comfort level meant something -- that the decision on whether or not to proceed to the next level was hers.

And decide she had. But Stanford wasn't the place. With roommates and classes, there was no real privacy to be had. Then she had what at the time had seemed as the perfect solution -- so she invited him to come home with her to meet her parents.

She stared around her room, at the posters of crystal formations overlaid with those of movies and rock groups. Her bookshelves with her rock collection, her favorite novels, the still in the box Barbies, which her mother foisted on her every year. The lacy cover on her four poster princess bed. An amalgamation of everything she was or ever wanted to be.

Would Sam want this though? Would he want her? Did he want there to be more between them?

She stared at Raggedy Ann's face, knowing she was getting cold feet. Waiting for this, setting it all up, and now she might just let it go by without doing anything. No! She'd ask him. And if he didn't want it, she would wait. But she must make a move – now, tonight.

Jess got up off the bed. She set her doll back in her usual place against the pillows. "Wish me luck?"

Ann just gave her the same self assured smile she always did.

Her feet bare, Jess moved silently to her door and opened it. She listened to the house as she stepped out into the hallway, looking for any signs of lights on this side of the house. Everything was quiet and dark. At the far end of the hall, her parents' door was closed.

Taking a deep breath, she turned to go in the opposite direction.

The guest bedroom was located on the far side of the house, giving owners and guests as much privacy as humanly possible. As she came near, Jess could see a faint wash of light shining from beneath the guestroom door. Sam was still awake. It was now or never.

Shaking her body to loosen her tense muscles, she reached forward and opened the door. Quickly, she slid inside and closed and locked it behind her.

Sam must have been reading in bed, for a book was thrown open on the covers, the pillows propped up. Yet when she looked, he was on the floor in a half crouch, as if she'd scared him right out of bed. He was wearing a dark blue t-shirt and shorts.

"Jess?"

Okay. She was here -- in his room. He was awake. Now what?

"Is something wrong?" He stood up fully, his face scrunched in concern. Sam started toward her then stopped as he seemed to look at her fully for the first time.

Somewhat self consciously, Jess pulled at the hem of her green lace-trim babydoll she'd bought especially for this trip. She watched Sam's face turn a deep beet red, before he suddenly snatched one of the pillows off the bed and covered his lower half with it.

She clamped a hand over her mouth, hysterical giggles threatening as she wondered if he'd covered up for modesty or because her current form of dress elicited an unexpected response. Oh this was so not how she'd hoped to start this.

With a force of will, she removed her hand from her mouth and made herself take some deep breaths. It didn't help that Sam was now staring everywhere in the room except directly at her.

"Sam, I…" Jess shook her head. "I'm sorry. I hadn't meant to startle you. I…" Was it supposed to feel this awkward? She didn't remember it being like this before, but then, she hadn't been the one driving, and they hadn't been Sam. "I'm interested in moving our relationship to the next level. So, I'm here to find out if you might be feeling the same?"

His gaze finally met hers, incredulous surprise all over his face. "What?"

Jess took a tentative step toward him, digging her toes into the plush carpet. "I want to know if you'd like to make love to me."

Sam opened his mouth, but no words came out. He closed it and swallowed hard, his Adam's apple bobbing up and down his throat.

"You don't have to if you don't want to." She bit her lip.

A half laugh, half sob escaped from him then he was down on the floor on his ass, a disbelieving look still plastered on his face.

Jess rushed forward, wondering if he'd hurt himself. Did he truly have no clue at all as to the effect he had on her? How he made her feel? "Sam, are you all right?"

He nodded, not looking at her, a smile/frown/confused look crossing his features almost simultaneously.

Worried, she sat down next to him. "Am I being too pushy?"

He shook his head. He took her hand in his. She saw him swallow hard again. "No. I want to! It's just that…I'm…I mean, I haven't…I don't have protection, and I, I'm…"

She leaned forward and kissed him long and hard. At first he was tense, but then she felt him begin to relax. This was familiar, something they'd done many times before. She pulled back after a minute or two totally breathless, feeling warm in several places.

Jess made sure to meet his gaze. "I do and I have. My freshman year in high school was my first." She searched his face to see if that made any difference. It wasn't something they'd ever discussed. "I wasn't ready and it ended badly. There were two others before I graduated." She wouldn't tell him about how they'd told her it was expected, pretty much required. She'd been so very naïve back then. But she'd learned from her mistakes. "They weren't you, though. I want this for us. And I'll help you, if you'll let me."

The bright smile caught her off guard. But not as much as what he said next. "This is why I love you so much."

She was still reeling from the comment, when he leaned forward and kissed her as fervently if not more so than she had him moments before. Jess did very little thinking after that.

#

Jess stretched, feeling thoroughly relaxed and content. The light in the room was dim, so she knew it was still pretty early. Wondering how her scholar was doing, she shifted to her side. He wasn't there. That's when she heard the sound of movement coming from beyond the end of the bed.

Twisting her head a little, she took a look in that direction. What she saw took her breath away.

It was Sam. His chest was still bare from last night, but he'd rescued his shorts at some point. He was moving very slowly, mock fighting some unseen opponent. His control was perfect. Arms and legs moved in prescribed positions, flowing smoothly from one to the next. She could occasionally see a muscle quiver, the protracted movements taxing their capacity.

As the room gradually brightened, she grew more and more amazed. Though she'd felt them last night, she'd not looked at his naked form much, too busy with other things. So she was thoroughly surprised at the amount of contoured muscles, the molded pecs. Usually hiding beneath a t-shirt and a long sleeved shirt, they weren't normally visible. She would have never expected such a thing from him. Endlessly full of mystery and surprises was her scholar.

"Sam, my god."

He snapped around at the sound of her voice. "Jess! I'm sorry. Did I wake you?"

"No, no." She grabbed one of the pillows, and turning around, used it to lean on. She couldn't take her eyes off him. "Where'd you learn to do that?"

He glanced at her then looked away, his cheeks coloring at her obvious staring. "Uh, my father and brother. They were big into self-defense. Practiced everyday." A veil of sadness crossed his eyes, but it was gone so fast, Jess wasn't sure she didn't imagine it. "Guess some habits die hard."

"You miss them terribly, don't you?" She knew it went against what he'd told her before, but she could see it in his face.

"No!" His whole body tensed up. "I mean, yes, but…" He shook his head as if unable to answer the question even to himself. "I need to prove I can survive on my own. My father…my brother, he means well, raised me, for all intents and purposes, but… I need to succeed or fail on my own for once. Prove that I can do it." She could see the determination on his face, but also the misery it caused him.

Then a sobering thought occurred to her. "Am I, am I going to get in the way of what you want to do?"

"No!" Sam rushed to her side. "You've been…You've helped me be stronger. You've helped me be more than I am. You'll never be in my way. Please, don't ever think that." His expression cleared as he smiled down at her and then he reached down to kiss her. Jess was quite all right with that.