Change of Heart
By Tempest Break
Disclaimer: Nope, I don't own Harry Potter. If I did, I assure you, our dear Sirius would not be dead, Ron and Hermione would have gotten together, and a whole TON of other things would have happened. Okay that's about it. Yep.
Summary: James obviously likes Lily, but she hates his guts. This is the way it's been for six years. However, in their last year, James finally has a chance, as he and Lily are Head Boy and Girl, and share a tower all to themselves. While James rejoices, Lily would rather kill herself than spend more than a nanosecond with James, who, in her opinion, is a conceited jerk. James has nine months to reverse six years of hatred for him, and will Lily have a change of heart?
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Chapter Twelve: You Always Disappear
Christmas break was over all too soon for the Marauders and the girls. On New Year's Eve there had been a huge party in Gryffindor Tower, where Sirius and Colleen had gotten into a drinking contest to see who could down the most butterbeer and still stay standing. The result was detentions for both of them, when McGonagall caught Sirius trying to hit on a hat-rack while Colleen screamed that she loved Professor Slughorn, the Potions master.
The January full moon was coming earlier than usual, in the first week of their return to classes, and Remus was looking very under-the-weather. On Friday, the day of the full moon, Remus had to ask to be excused from Care of Magical Creatures. Professor Kettleburn took one look at the boy and immediately said, "Of course, Mr. Lupin. Please go to the Infirmary."
"I wonder why Remus looks so awful," said Colleen on their way to Charms. "You think he's sick?"
James, Sirius, and Peter exchanged looks. "Oh, he's feeling quite bad," agreed Sirius. "Definitely sick. Heading into a fever, I reckon."
"I hope he's okay," said Lily, sounding troubled.
James put his arm around her shoulder – something he had gotten used to doing without it being followed by a swift kick in the shins. He knew she didn't think of him in any way that was other than platonic, so he tried to pretend it was nothing more than a friendly gesture. "Don't worry about ol' Moony," he reassured. "He'll be fine."
"Yep," Peter added quickly. "He always bounces back."
"'Always'?" repeated Lily. "What do you mean, 'always'?"
"Remus has been this sick before, then?" asked Colleen.
Sirius glared at Peter while James covered, "Oh, yes. Remus gets sick quite often, actually. Seems like every month, really, but he's always fine. He's susceptible to any germs, but he's tough and he'll get through it."
Colleen seemed to accept this, but Lily still looked suspicious. "So 'Moony' gets sick every month, does he?" she muttered.
"Well, that was a simile, really – "
"Well, here we are! At Charms! What do you know," Sirius said loudly. "Let's go in before we're late, then?" He nearly shoved Lily and Colleen into the classroom, before shooting an angry look at Peter. "You just had to say 'always,' didn't you?"
"I'm sorry! You don't think they'll figure it out, though, do you?" Peter apologized frantically.
"We'd better hope they don't, for Remus's sake," said James with a sigh. "It's bad enough Snape already knows."
Sirius's eyes narrowed. "That git deserved what he got," he growled.
"Mr. Black, Mr. Potter? Mr. Pettigrew? Won't you come in? You're nearly late," called Professor Flitwick from inside the classroom.
"Yes, Professor," they chimed, and they filed into Charms. James stole a look at Lily, and was surprised to find that she wasn't concentrating on Flitwick – instead she was staring into space, deep in thought.
- - - - -
That night at sunset, after a short talk with Sirius via their mirrors, James grabbed his Invisibility Cloak and headed out of his room to meet the other Marauders.
Unfortunately, Lily was sitting on the common room couch. She looked up at him. "Where are you going?" she asked, almost too lightly.
"I'm meeting Sirius to work on our Charms assignment," he said – a lie that they had used since they had begun accompanying Remus to the Shrieking Shack.
"Oh, good," she said. "Then you won't mind if I come along."
"You can't!" James exclaimed quickly.
She studied him skeptically. "And why not?"
"Er..." James struggled for a quick answer. "Because Sirius... Sirius doesn't like you!" That's the best I could come up with? he berated himself.
Lily's mouth dropped. "Sirius doesn't like me?" she repeated. "Oh, well, fine for him, then. I'll just stay here."
James breathed a small sigh of relief, and headed toward the griffin statue exit. Then Lily remarked: "You know, you always disappear around this time during the month. I never noticed until I thought about it, but it's true. And you always say you and Sirius are going to work on some assignment for some class – Charms, Transfiguration – but then why don't you work on the assignments together the rest of the time? It's always just one day a month – and you're always gone the whole night."
"Are you knocking our study habits?" he questioned innocently.
"No," she said. "It's just a bit odd."
"Oh, well then," he said uncomfortably. "Don't stay up too late, Lily."
"I won't, James," she assured him, but she seemed a bit preoccupied with her thoughts.
James exited the common room through the statue and threw the Invisibility Cloak around his shoulders. He was worried about Lily discovering Remus's condition, but he didn't have time to think about it. He met Sirius, Remus, and Peter in the corridor where James and Colleen would always split ways after Quidditch, and they joined him under the Cloak.
Remus looked even worse than that morning in Care of Magical Creatures. He was pale and his blue eyes were dilated. His brown hair also looked a bit longer than usual, shaggier. James was used to these changes in Remus – they took place every full moon.
"We nearly ran into Filch," breathed Sirius. "Stupid git had to steal our map last year, didn't he?"
"He wouldn't have gotten it if you hadn't left it on his desk," James replied. "Now shh. Let's get Moony to the Shack quickly."
Finally, they reached the Whomping Willow. Peter transformed into a rat and darted under the branches to the knot. The Willow went as still as stone, and James and Sirius rushed Remus through to the passage.
"Hurry, hurry," muttered Remus, his breathing heavy and ragged. "The – moon's – coming – up."
Sirius looked to James, concern and anxiety etched on his face. "This is quicker than usual," he said. "I'm becoming Padfoot."
"Okay," agreed James, pushing Remus ahead of him quickly. They made it to the entrance of the Shrieking Shack, and then Padfoot was by his side, helping to guide Remus up the stairs to the second floor. Sirius turned his deep, dog eyes on James in a way that said: "I've got him. Now you."
James nodded, stepping away from Remus. He concentrated, trying to remember all the details of his stag form – after the years of helping Remus, it came easily to him. Before he knew it, his arms and legs were thinning, and short, brown hair was spurting from all over his body. The strange feeling of antlers growing out of his skull gave him a dull headache, just as it always did. His hazel eyes swung around to the sides of his head, and he could see to the left and right at the same time. He saw Peter the rat sitting near him, nervously combing his whiskers while watching James transform.
Then he was Prongs, and he darted forward to help Sirius with Remus. Remus was just nearly beyond speech – he was at the screaming point. James, Sirius, and Peter were all used to Remus's incoherent shrieks as he turned into a werewolf. Occasionally they could catch bits of sentences, and they chilled James to the bone. Remus never remembered what he said when he turned werewolf, and he seemed relieved.
Then Remus went silent, and Sirius communicated to James: "Are you ready? He's almost done."
"I'm ready," James answered silently, standing on Remus's other side.
Then Remus screamed again – it was much more painful to turn into a werewolf than to transform as an Animagus. Remus clutched at his arms with long claws and shortening fingers as he sprouted long, shaggy fur. His face elongated into a snout, his teeth into sharp incisors. He fell forward onto his half-human, half-werewolf forelegs as his hind legs became fully wolfish. He shrieked again – this time a wolf's howl more than human's scream – as his tail burst, full and bushy, into being. James winced – if a stag can wince – as Remus's ears climbed to the top of his head, becoming pointed and alert. Remus shook himself free of his school robes, and Sirius kicked them away into a corner.
Remus's eyes flashed yellow as he clawed at himself, gnawing his own leg. James nudged him with his antlers, and Remus, fully a werewolf, latched his jaws onto James's antlers. It didn't hurt, but it was a bit annoying not to be able to move his head. Sirius watched grimly for a minute, letting Remus try and get all his bites out before going on their walk through the Hogwarts grounds.
Peter scurried around, sniffing at Remus's tail. Remus let go of James momentarily to snarl at Peter, who jumped back and hid behind Sirius. As a rat, Peter had the worst time of it (other than Remus, of course) as he couldn't see quite as well as Sirius and even James. Peter was a naturally anxious person, and rats are built for quick, jerky movements, so he came off almost as a normal rat, and he said it wasn't at all a pleasant feeling.
Remus finally calmed down – for a werewolf – and James and Sirius guided him down the staircase of the Shrieking Shack to the entrance of the passageway. Peter ran ahead of them, holding the Willow still as they headed to the edge of the Forbidden Forest, where hardly anyone went. They just had to be careful not to go near Hagrid's hut.
Sirius was dog-smiling, realizing that Remus was getting better under their influence. "Well, this is fun, isn't it?" he asked with his body language.
"Yes. Fun," agreed Remus haltingly, sarcastically. It was hard for him to communicate with them, even when he was feeling pretty much in-control of his actions. The previous year, he hadn't been able to "say" anything at all.
"We're sorry. It can't be much fun for you," James apologized.
Remus didn't reply. In fact, he had gone quite still, his eyes trained on a figure by the lake. His tongue ran along his lips.
James cocked his head so one eye was staring at the silhouette, which seemed to be human. "Wormtail, go," he ordered.
Peter dashed toward the shadow, and James lost sight of him in the night. He and Sirius tried to distract Remus from the shadow. Sirius offered to play, wagging his tail and lolling his tongue out, but Remus only snapped when Sirius tried to get near.
Finally, Peter returned. "A student," he told them. "Leaving now, though."
Remus tried to lunge forward, but James stopped him, nudging him firmly back the other way, and Sirius joined him. Peter helped the best he could, biting Remus's foreleg and trying to pull him away. Eventually, Remus forgot about the would-be prey, and they spent the rest of the night exploring the grounds. James and Sirius were still a bit on-edge about the near accident, but it had all turned out fine. They only hoped the student, whoever it was, hadn't seen them.
- - - - -
At dawn, Remus turned back, followed by James, Sirius, and Peter. Remus was exhausted, as he always was after the transformation. He never really could remember what happened on those nights, and he wouldn't ask. He might recall snatches of "conversations" that they had, though, and he seemed to enjoy those, if only slightly.
Under James's Invisibility Cloak again, they made it back to the castle, and James let Sirius, Remus, and Peter take it to help them back to the dorm. Sirius promised he would give it back to James at breakfast.
James didn't rush back to the Head Tower. Filch rarely prowled around in that area of the castle, so he had little to worry about. When he got back to the common room, it was around seven, near the time Lily usually woke up. He had a whole story worked out for why he was so late getting back from the "study session", but as it turned out, he didn't have to use it.
Lily was on the couch, but she wasn't awake. She had curled up on it and was breathing slowly and evenly. James felt strangely protective of her.
He tiptoed over to her and shook her lightly. "Lily," he whispered. "Lily, wake up."
She stirred, blinking groggily. "Oh, James, good morning," she greeted, looking around. "Well, I can't yell at you for being in my room, can I?"
"Nope," he said, smiling. "Do you want to sleep a little longer? I'll take you back to your bed."
"Only if you carry me," she said. "I'm so tired."
James hefted Lily up and carried her into her room. He pulled back the covers with his foot and tucked her in. "You only have about an hour, though," he warned.
"It's okay," she agreed. James started to leave, when she said sleepily: "I had the weirdest dream. I was by the lake, and this rat ran up to me. It looked at me for a while, and then it ran away, to a couple of animals – what looked like two dogs and a deer. Only one of the dogs was really, really big. Maybe it was a wolf." She turned over under the covers and laughed. "What a dream."
James stopped still. "Uh, yeah," he laughed, his voice squeakily high. "What a dream! Now just go to sleep, Lily." He turned to wish her a good morning's rest, but he found that she was already sound asleep.
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Tempest: Hmm, how interesting. Lily is smart, isn't she? Hehe... Anyway, I'm so happy! I've hit 200 reviews! In the words of Chandler Bing: "I rule all. Mini-wave in celebration to me!" This is awesome. I love you guys! Anyway, the two people that had meanings in their names in chapter ten were Piper Willard and Euterpe Vox. Piper Willard, because she went with Peter (who can turn into a rat) to the Christmas Dance, and that whole story with the piper taking all the rats out of that one town. And did anyone see that movie Willard, about the guy who was friends with rats? And Euterpe Vox; Euterpe is the Muse of Music in Greek mythology and "vox" means "voice" in Latin. To The Elfin Child: Wow, I had no idea I had named Cady so appropriately... I'm glad you had fun looking up the names! Anyway, everyone, review, review, review!!
8-03-07: This chapter has been revamped! Hope you enjoy it more than before.