A/N: Ah, another late update! Sorrysorrysorrysorry! More at bottom (you know the drill!)…

Flawless

Chapter Eight: Who I am Hates Who I've Been

James and Lily slowly climbed the long staircase upwards, both with smiles on their faces.

"You are not as bad as I thought you were Potter." Lily said thoughtfully after a minute of silence. James raised his eyebrows, as he ceased walking.

"How horrible did you think I was?" He asked, gazing at Lily intently. The girl bit her lip as she considered the question.

"I dunno," She shrugged. "At school you're just so—mean. Not to everyone, but—"

"--to people who deserve it!" James defended himself.

"No! They don't deserve it James!" Lily argued back, her voice rising a bit. "Snape never did anything to you—ever—and yet you feel compelled to hurt him!" James stared at her hard. "Look," Lily said as she calmed down. "Look, at the lake he wasn't bothering anybody—and you attacked him. For no reason. I just," She ran a hand through her hair. "I wish that that I could find out what goes on in the head of yours James Potter. I'm completely lost." Lily sighed, locking eyes with the boy.

They began to climb the stairs again in complete silence. When the two got to the top, Lily made to turn down the hallway, but James stopped and stared ahead.

"I thought that your room was to the right." Lily said; she had been so sure that she was beginning to memorize the manor.

"It is," James nodded, "But I want to show you something." Lily gave him a look.

"What?" She asked suspiciously.

James smiled at her. "You'll see." He let go of Lily's arm and walked toward what seemed to be an ordinary stone wall. James ran his hand over it, clearly looking for something.

"James, what—" Lily let out a faint gasp as James pressed the wall in. One by one, the stones retracted, finally showing a little door. Walking up to it, James pulled it open to show a steep set of stairs.

"Where does it go?" Lily asked as she moved next to James. He looked down at the mystified girl.

"Up."

Ten minutes later James and Lily arrived at the top, another little door showing now.

"Are there more stairs?" Lily panted, a bit sweaty from the long staircase.

James shook his head as he pushed the door open. "No, it's just the roof."

"The roof?" Lily asked, her brow furrowing. "Why are we going to the roof?"

James walked away from her, going onto the flat top.

"James?" She followed him out, the moist summer air filling her lungs.

He was spread out on a blanket, staring at the sky. Lily sat next to him, slowly lying backwards so that she was facing the sky as well.

"Wow," She whispered, not sure if James could even hear her. "The stars are amazing." They sat in silence for a while, enjoying the comfortable peace.

"I used to come up here all the time," James' hoarse voice came, startling Lily. "My dad was usually gone, and my mum was focused on her work," He faded as Lily turned her head to face the side of his body. Her emerald eyes were locked on him, though it seemed as if James was ignoring her stare. "I don't know why I'm horrible to Sniv—Snape—Lily. I can't give you any reason. I—I was raised to think that he was evil Lils; I did what I though was best."

Lily stayed silent, listening intently.

"I want to apologize for the lake, but I can't. He deserved it." James continued, still avoiding Lily's eyes.

"Why do you think he deserved it though James…you can't just say that he's evil because the rest of his family is. Isn't your best friend a Black? Tell me…why do you think he deserved it?" Lily propped herself up on her elbow, so that she was now looking down on James.

"I don't know." He said as he reached up to twirl a lock of Lily's hair around his finger. "I just don't know." He sighed, frustrated. "I'm sorry that I'm being such a 'toe-rag' about it though." James smiled.

Lily blushed as she remembered using the phrase.

"Maybe I was a bit harsh that day," She admitted hesitantly.

James raised an eyebrow.

"Maybe?"

Lily bit her lip. "All right, so I was a bit harsh, I'm sorry okay?" She blurted out, rolling her eyes. James chuckled, his arms encircling her waist as he pulled Lily onto his body. Lily rested her head on his chest and closed her eyes, listening to his heart beat. "I just hated you that day James. You and your bloody little friends picking on him because you were bored. Sometimes people change…Snape could be a perfectly decent person, and you wouldn't know because you wrote him off as evil. You may never know."

James let her words sink in, basking in the silence for a few moments.

"Do you hate me now?" He asked in a whisper.

"I don't know." Lily admitted softly. James nodded, hugging her closer.

"You don't have to know right now." He said, letting his hands trace her spine. "Okay?" Lily nuzzled into him further.

"Okay."

Unsure of how it happened Lily found herself kissing James softly, letting it go for the moment. His mouth was soft beneath hers and with each kiss she felt as if another problem would wash away. Lily felt herself slowly melting into him, wondering if what she was feeling now was love, and whether it was enough to fix what had been.

At two thirty, Lily woke up suddenly, not sure where she was. After a moment, she realized that she was with James, safe on his rooftop. It was pitch black outside, stars still glittering in the midnight blue sky. Lily rolled herself off of the boy, landing on her back next to him.

She sat up, wrapping her arms around her knees. A light breeze made her hair billow slightly. She took a deep breath, trying to keep her mind from overloading. This was confusing. He was confusing. Had he actually grown up…or was it all an act?

No.

It couldn't be. He was too perfect for it all to be an act. He was too—sincere. When they looked at each other there was something there. Something real.

Right?

Lily let out a shaky sigh. She was working herself up again. Overanalyzing and confusing herself to the extent of hysterics.

It would be so much easier if I knew I could trust him. She thought tiredly.

"Lily?" James' voice came from slightly behind her. "Why are you awake? It's the middle of the night." His hand moved to make circles on her back as she shrugged as a response. "Are you not going to tell me then?" He asked light-heartedly.

"What are we exactly James?" Her voice was quiet and shaky, as if not entirely sure that that was what she wanted to say. Even without looking at him, Lily could tell that James was beginning to get confused.

"What do you mean?" He asked softly.

"Us. You and I. What are we?" Lily asked again. James sighed, scooting next to her.

"I don't know," He paused. "What do you want us to be?" Lily chuckled bitterly.

"I don't know."

"Well this is a silly little problem we have now isn't it?" Despite the darkness, Lily was sure that James' grin was showing.

"Yeah," Lily agreed pensively.

"What—" James cleared his throat, struggling for the right words. "What are you and—you know—Brandon?" He asked nervously. Lily whipped her head in his direction.

"Brandon and I are nothing." She said firmly. James nodded to himself.

"You're done." He clarified.

"We're done." James nodded again. His hand found hers, his rough fingers intertwining with her soft ones.

"Well Miss Evans, we've just begun."

The sun was coming up at last, the orange and yellow hues kissing away the purple and blue ones of the night. Lily was still asleep, sprawled on top of James, who was staring at the horizon. He had been up since Lily had woken him earlier. Lily's words were still ringing in his ears, echoing his thoughts.

"You and your bloody friends were bored…sometimes you have to let things go…" James bit his lip, frustrated. Was he really that much of a wanker?

I really hated you that day…

Hate.

That stupid, stupid word.

That stupid, stupid emotion.

Could it stomp out love?

James' gaze fell on Lily, her red hair gleaming in the early light. He was falling in love with her more and more each day.

But he still wasn't certain what she felt towards him.

It was all too confusing. James preferred the days when he just stared at her from afar. He could put up with Sirius' teasing—but this was much more real. This was up close. And one wrong move and he could lose it all.

And Lily Evans was not someone that he could lose.

After a startling awakening by a panicking Mrs. Potter, Lily and James ran inside the mansion, getting scolded all the while.

"What were you two doing up there anyway? You cannot just disappear when you feel like it!" Mr. Potter said firmly. The two had been sat down in the living room for a lecture. "Lily is still in serious danger, you can't just gallop off." He continued.

"Sorry," James and Lily muttered, their heads down.

"We have to go to Diagon Alley today—but now I'm going to need someone to tail you, make sure that you don't—"

"Dad!" James shouted. "We don't need anyone tailing us, we're—"

"Obviously you do James!" Kate barged in. "You cannot scare us like that again—we're going to need to have a more serious talk about this eventually you two, Merlin knows what you were doing." Lily's face burned and beside her James' cheeks tinted pink. A snicker came from the entrance of the room, and four heads turned to see Sirius and Petunia peeking in. Quickly, they ducked out, still laughing quietly. Mrs. Potter frowned, turning to the two teenagers on the couch.

"We'll finish this later." She said sternly. Lily nodded as James got up, pulling her with him. "Get ready for Diagon Alley!" Mrs. Potter called as they left in a hurry. "We leave in fifteen minutes!"

The two ran up the long staircase for what seemed like the hundredth time—wanting nothing more than to erase that from their memories.

A half hour later, Lily, Petunia, Sirius and James were standing huddled in a circle in the middle of Diagon Alley.

"So, we'll split up for now, but let's meet at Fortescue's Ice Cream in an hour, okay?" James suggested to the group, receiving agreeing nods from the other three.

Lily and Petunia headed off down the street, looking for books.

"There are so many stores here…so many, er, unique stores here…" Petunia said as the two passed an apothecary shop, where some women were crowded around the window looking in on something squishy and green. Lily laughed, pulling her sister along.

"We don't have any ogling time Pet; there are still a lot of stores we have to hit."

"Lily's sister is kind of cute," Sirius remarked to James casually as they peered around a candy shop. James put down the marshmallows he was looking at to give his friend a stare.

"What?" He asked, his face contorted with confusion. Sirius shrugged, turning to look at the sweets surrounding them.

"I just think that, you know…she's kind of cute." James cocked his head at the boy, narrowing his eyes.

"Do you even know her name Sirius?" He asked sharply. Sirius froze for a second before shrugging again.

"Some sort of flower or whatnot." He brushed off. James sighed, sticking his hands in his pockets.

"Sirius, do not start anything with her, I'm begging you." He said tiredly. Sirius was his best mate, true, but sometimes his impulse acts ended badly. Like this undoubtedly would.

"Okay," Sirius said distractedly. They both knew that he would anyway. The boys left the shop empty handed, the bell above the door dinging as they left.

"Her name is Petunia." James muttered.

Sirius grinned at him. "Thanks mate."

Bad idea James

A/N: I'm sorry guys, I know you waited a stupidly long amount of time for this…and it's only seven pages (barely). Overall though, I'm satisfied with this chapter. There was some Lily/James arguing, and some Lily/James fluff, and some Sirius-ness, and some giggly Petunia, AND some nice over-protective parents. The only thing I truly did not like with this was the length…but I promise, next chapter will be up sooner…and it will be longer. I'm finally out of potato mode (the beginning of summer is always like that…you know) so I'll start writing again! Next chappy will have some romance in the Siri/Pet department, due to popular demand; so watch out for that. I promise though, it won't last long.

Thanks to sophdmoph (once again) for being the best-est beta ever…and adding bits and pieces to this. I tried to make it LONGER! Really!

Please review, and I'll see you all (though not really) NEXT WEEK. And please hold me to that, I can't be trusted to update on time.