Gomen!! I didn't mean to not finish the story! And I didn't mean to leave you all hanging or anything like that! My family took a week long vacation to Niagara Falls and I don't have my laptop yet and there were no computers there that were reasonably priced to use and I'm so sorry!!! But I'm back now. And I did manage to finish writing out the rough paper copy. SO I CAN FINISH!!! YAY!!! Ok…I'm done now.

Usual disclaimer and warnings and stuff. Enjoy everyone!

"You little whore! You wouldn't know good sex if it slapped you in the face!!" Envy then marched over to Ed, wound up, and did just that. His slender hand made forceful contact with Ed's left cheek, making a very satisfying sound as it did so. "And for the record," Envy snarled, "It just did."

The flustered homunculus then spun on his heel and walked over to the open window. But it wasn't just anger he was feeling; there was something else, something unfamiliar to him, something that made him want to…cry. Scoffing at his own weakness, Envy set his foot on the windowsill and prepared to leave. Before he could do so, however, a large but gentle metal hand caught his arm.

"Envy," Alphonse pleaded, "Don't be angry. I'm sure nii-san was just…frustrated."

Was this kid trying to comfort him? Nobody had ever done that before. It felt…weird. But in an almost good way. Ick. All these foreign emotions were making him gag.

However, the frighteningly tender moment was broken by a more than unfriendly automail punch to Envy's gut. The homunculus buckled over, gasping for the air that had been so cruelly knocked out of him.

"That's for slapping me," Ed snorted coldly. The alchemist then dug his hands into Envy's hair, pulled the homunculus upright, and kissed him passionately. As they broke apart, Fullmetal added, "And that's for offending you."

Envy blinked stupidly, "I'm sorry, what?"

Refusing to meet Envy's gaze, Ed stared at the far wall. Blush horribly evident on his cheeks, the alchemist muttered, "I didn't mean what I said. The only reason I said it was because I was mad." Ed's face darkened a shade as he sputtered the last bit as quickly as possible. "The sex was amazing."

The shape shifter stared in shock for a moment before laughing outright. He couldn't help it. Ed's face, his reaction, his embarrassment, all of it, was adorable. Envy was almost tempted to forget the plan. But he couldn't; he wouldn't. It's not like Ed meant anything to him…did he?

"Stop laughing at me!" Ed snapped, pushing Envy gently, clearly wary of the open window behind the homunculus.

Envy cut off what he could, but a broad teasing smile remained on his androgynous face. "Look," he said, "I really do have to go. I have things to do besides you."

Blushing furiously at the implication, Ed frowned and replied, "Fine with me. But if you pull any funny stuff, I will kill you."

"You think that chibi-chan," Envy mocked.

"Wait," Al interrupted before Ed could explode over the nickname, "You two still hate each other?"

The two in question stared at the other. Finally, Envy said, "I wouldn't call it 'hate' anymore. We're just…highly suspicious and not to fond of one another."

Al was obviously confused. "I don't get it. Neither of you trusts the other one, and neither of you are 'fond' of the other, but you have sex with one another?"

Huh. Envy hadn't really looked at it that way. Put so simply, what the homunculus was doing was pretty damn close to rape. But it couldn't be rape if the other person involved wanted it, could it? Then it was just casual sex, wasn't it? Not that that was much better.

Ed was tripping over words, no doubt as shocked by the blunt explanation of their 'relationship' as Envy was. "Well, Al, I wouldn't…I mean…we…I…he…it's not like…we don't exactly…ok so maybe…agh!!!"

Sighing, Envy perched on the windowsill and said, "Well, kids, I'll leave you to work this out. I've got other and better places to be." And without waiting for any kind of response, Envy dropped from the window, sifting to his soldier disguise. It was time to call Lust.

Back in his room, Envy picked up the phone and dialed the number without hesitation. Lust would still be there and, with any luck, Sloth would be too. Then he could hopefully get his paperwork in order.

Lust's cool voice came alive at the other end of the phone. "Who is this?"

"What, no 'hello'?" Envy replied sarcastically.

"How's the plan going?" Well, she certainly didn't waste any time.

Envy snorted indignantly. "Well, I'm in and unsuspected so far," he answered, "And I have easy access to chibi-chan's room."

"Have you seen him yet?" She was so callous about the whole thing it was irritating.

"Yes, I've seen him." Envy rubbed the bridge of his nose between two fingers, forcing himself to be patient.

Muttering something to someone else, she asked, "How long do you think this is going to take?"

Envy frowned. That was a good question. When they were having sex, Ed seemed compliant enough. But aside from that, Fullmetal seemed more than a little hesitant. All things considered, the plan would take a heck of a lot of lying and emotional manipulation. But how long that would take was up for debate.

"Are you still there?" Lust questioned impatiently.

Frown deepening, Envy scoffed, "Of course I am. And I can only be here for a couple of days unless Sloth and Pride get me some proper transfer papers."

Lust sighed heavily. "Didn't we tell you not to go as a new soldier?"

"Look, just see if you can get me the papers. If all goes well, I shouldn't even need them."

Snarling slightly, Lust warned, "Don't get used to telling me what to do. If you fail, you're not going to like the consequences."

Before Envy could complain or retaliate, she hung up. Cursing into the now dead line, he slammed the receiver down and threw himself on his bed. Fine, let her threaten him. The hell he cared. His main concern was Ed.

As he thought about what he was doing to the small alchemist, Envy felt something unfamiliar; guilt. Why? It's not like he cared. He didn't even know he could feel guilt. Deciding it was just a passing thing, Envy rolled onto his side, tucked his arms beneath his pillow, and settled on going to sleep early. After all, if he planned to be done in his two guaranteed days, he'd be spending a lot of time with Fullmetal after hours.

To Be Continued…