So nervous that I slept exactly one and a half hours that night, fighting fear and struggling between shaving all my hair off now or waiting for it to fall out. I wondered whether I would make a good enough excuse that Miley and Oliver wouldn't think twice about.
All night I stared at the ceiling of my hospital room, and shifted my weight over to the other side when my arm started to get numb. I listened to the noise the nurses and doctors made when they passed the room, and concentrated on their conversation. In fact, I had been concentrating so hard, that I hadn't heard my mom come in.
"Lily?" She whispered, deciding to sit on my bed and grabbing the hand that had no IV. "Are you alright?" I nodded my head, "Are you ready for surgery?" I shook my head and moaned; my mom smiled weakly and rubbed my hand with her thumb. "Have you decided?" My mom asked, and I knew she was talking about my hair.
Subconsciously, I reached to touch the ends of my braided hair. "I have no clue," I whined to my mom, and took a second to think about it. "I want to keep it."
My mom nodded, "I should take Blake home, your aunt Katherine is there to take care of her – so I'll be right back," she announced. "Daddy and I will be there when you come out of surgery." I nodded my head, unable to say anything, and my mom started to get up as a nurse with a suspicious tray came in. My mom nodded hello to her, and left completely, with a nervous last wave to me.
Then the nurse with the tray walked up to me, and from where I was, I could see a long needle. "Okay," the nurse smiled. "This is going to put you asleep for surgery – it shouldn't hurt a bit." I nodded, and cringed at the sting as it pierced my skin. Almost immediately I felt woozy, and distantly I could hear the nurse telling me to count down from 100.
I obeyed counting out loud to the fading nurse, "100, 99, 98." The nurse smiled, and patted my shoulder. "97, 96, 9…" And then the last I remember the world faded to black and I watched as colours flew past me. Then I was flying over a field of flowers, watching Blake at one year old picking daisies with a younger me and my older brother Harrison. I remembered this from when we were on vacation in British Columbia, two months before Harrison died after being hit by a drunk driver. It had been my favourite vacation ever since. Next I knew, I was flying over the elementary school playground. Over a sand box that three year old Oliver and I were sitting in. It was the first time I'd met Oliver, and because of a shovel that a Libby, a girl in our class, had thrown. I laughed, and the next thing I knew, I was back in my hospital room, and my mom and dad were sitting on a chair next to my bed.
"Honey," my mom took my hand into hers, and smiled at me. "How are you feeling?"
I considered this question before answering, lifting my hand up to feel the bandage that was wrapped around my head. I cleared my throat, and blinked my eyes a couple of times. "I feel fine mom," I whispered, my eyes following an IV that was stuck into the fold of my arm, a pain medication by the looks of it. "But it's probably the pain medication."
My mom nodded, and my dad sat on the end of my bed. "Doctor said you might be uncomfortable for a couple of days." I nodded, and felt around the bandage for signs of hair – sighing when I found it had been put into two braids.
"They had to shave where they did the incision," my mom pointed out. "But they kept as much hair as they could, and the scar can be covered with a hat, easily." I laughed, and my mom held up a bag from the mall, I already knew that it contained the hats that Miley and I had bought before. I took the bag from where it was placed and took out a knitted purple and green stripped hat.
"When do I get the bandage off?" I asked my mom, as I placed the hat on my head.
"In a couple of days," my mom told me, as my dad went outside to get some coffee for my mom and him. "Then you can get the stitches out in a couple of weeks." I nodded, half listening as I drifted in and out of semi consciousness.
"And Miley and Oliver's performance?" I asked, remembering my plans with my regular nurse. "Am I allowed to go to that? When is it?"
My mom laughed and checked the small calendar in her purse, "Lets see Lil," she put her glasses on and turned the pages until my mom got to the right date. "Miley and Oliver perform on Wednesday morning of next week, which will give us enough time to get back to the hospital for radiation, which you start on Friday of this week." I nodded.
"How many times a week is radiation?" I asked with curiosity.
When I asked, my mom looked up at me. "Five times a week," she sighed. "For the next six weeks." When she looked at me again, I'm pretty sure that my mouth was wide open with shock, because really I had no idea that it would take that much.
"Will it hurt mom?" I asked, suddenly more scared of the thought of the treatments than them themselves. "Will I be okay?"