It was the right time, but Iruka was not there. Kakashi stood outside his door, not on the roof across the street or in the shadows created by other houses, but on the doorstep as a real visitor would. They usually ran together at this time each night, but they hadn't been able to meet regularly for some time now. Everyone had been too busy protecting the village, fighting the attackers, and now, burying the dead.
Kakashi sighed and rolled his head around, trying to ease the memory of yet another funeral. Iruka was late and he knew that Iruka was never late. Maybe…maybe he didn't want to run tonight. Not so soon after the Hokage's funeral. However, Iruka would come and tell him if that were the case. He was responsible like that. No, something must be wrong and Kakashi needed to know what so he could fix it. You can't fix everything, the voice in his head reminded him with a jab.
He shook that thought off and sighed again. With a great deal more courage than it should have taken, he raised his hand and knocked on the plain wooden door in front of him. There was a pause, as if the house were holding its breath, and then the door opened.
When Iruka looked up and saw who was on his doorstep, he smiled, but it was a weak imitation of its usual brilliance. Kakashi saw that he still wore his funeral blacks. They highlighted the shadows under his eyes.
"Kakashi-sensei, welcome. Please, come in." Kakashi stepped inside the small home and looked around for the first time. It was tidy and homey, just like he expected. Books lined orderly bookcases. A bright pillow shone on the comfortable futon. Pictures of smiling children framed a small desk with an open lesson book on it. In another room a teapot whistled.
"I was just making tea. Would you like some?" Iruka asked, heading in the direction of the whistle. He soon returned with two mugs and set them down on the low table in front of the futon. Sitting down, Iruka smiled up at Kakashi again. "Come, join me. You're probably tired."
As he moved toward the futon, Kakashi noticed that Iruka's skin was pale under its tan coloring and his eyes were slightly glassy. "Thank you for the tea."
"You're welcome." They drank in silence for a moment before Iruka asked, "How is your team doing?"
"They're okay. I left them together. They were going to dinner, I believe."
Iruka nodded thoughtfully. "That's good. They'll take care of each other. You've done a good job with them, Kakashi-sensei."
Another moment of silence passed. Kakashi broke it this time. "How is Konohamaru doing?"
Iruka sighed. "He finally fell asleep. Ebisu is with him now. I'll go check on him later."
"You need to get some sleep. You look exhausted." Kakashi frowned. That was it; that was what was wrong. Iruka was thinking of everyone else again and ignoring himself. Didn't he realize how tired he was?
"No, no, I'm fine." Iruka looked up with another wan smile. "Don't worry about me. How are you do…" His voice trailed off and his eyes widened when he felt Kakashi's fingers rest against his lips.
"Hush. Stop being strong for everyone else," Kakashi commanded. "It's alright for you to mourn now." His voice quieted as he lifted his hand and brushed his thumb across Iruka's scar. "It's okay. I'm here, Iruka-sama."
At the whispered endearment, pain washed over Iruka's face. Kakashi pulled Iruka in and wrapped his arms around him as sobs began to shake the teacher's body. Hot tears soaked Kakashi's shirt. Iruka's hands gripped the fabric tightly. Kakashi lifted Iruka's legs so that the other man sat fully in his lap and gently rocked him. He didn't say anything or try to stop the torrent of grief. Something told him that it had been a long time since Iruka had allowed himself to break down and he thought it was past time for it to happen.
When the sobs gradually began to weaken and the hands began to relax their grip, Iruka stirred as if to get up. Kakashi tightened his grip. "Stay, please." Iruka sighed deeply and settled back into the circle of Kakashi's arms. They sat silent, breathing together.
After a long while, Kakashi shifted Iruka off his lap and stood up. When Iruka tried to follow, Kakashi pushed him back down. "I'll be right back." Iruka paused, then nodded, and eased back into the futon as Kakashi walked to the small bathroom. There he wet a washcloth with warm water and grabbed some tissues and a comb. Going back to the futon, he handed Iruka the tissues. "Blow." Iruka gave a watery grin at the command, but obeyed.
When he finished, Kakashi reached up to remove Iruka's hitai-ate. The younger man blushed at the contact, but, at a look from Kakashi, didn't protest. Dropping the headband onto the table, Kakashi gently ran the warm washcloth over Iruka's tear-stained face. By the time he was done, Iruka's cheeks were flushed brilliant pink and his eyes closed with pleasure.
"Turn around." Iruka turned and Kakashi pulled out the tie holding back his hair. Picking up the comb, the jounin ran it slowly through the thick locks, deftly working out tangles. That task completed and the comb on the table, his hands moved to Iruka's shoulders and neck. The knots in them felt as if they'd been there for a long time. Skilled hands, aided by small amounts of chakra, loosened the tight muscles and Iruka was soon swaying slightly from exhaustion.
Kakashi pulled the sleepy man back against his chest. "Iruka-sama, do you mind if I stay here tonight?" he whispered. "I'm not expecting anything; I just don't want to sleep alone. Not tonight." Iruka nodded and said, "I understand. I would appreciate the company." They sat quietly for another long while until Iruka stood and held out a hand to lead Kakashi back to the bedroom.
Once inside the bedroom, with its twin bed lit by moonlight, Kakashi turned to Iruka and slowly lifted the man's shirt over his head, respectfully placing the funeral attire over a chair. When he turned back around, Iruka was looking at him awkwardly, a faint blush glowing in the pale light.
"Um, pardon my asking, but do you sleep with the eye patch on?" Kakashi had forgotten that he was dressed for running—no hitai-ate, only an eye patch to cover the Sharingan. He slowly shook his head. Iruka's hands carefully moved up and slipped off the black patch, barely ghosting over Kakashi's skin as they did so. Iruka stared into both of his friend's eyes for the first time. Moving forward once more, he then pulled Kakashi's shirt over his head and laid it over his own on the chair. Once more, he stared into mismatched eyes for a long moment.
Iruka swallowed and then said, "What about the mask? Do you sleep in that?" Kakashi shook his head again, staring steadily into Iruka's eyes, afraid to look away for even a moment in case he was dreaming. As Iruka stepped even closer and Kakashi could feel the other man's warmth, it took all his control not to lift his arms and pull the chuunin's body into his own. Iruka's hands worked under the bottom edge of the mask and pulled it up and over his head. The younger man dropped the cloth on the floor and stared into Kakashi's eyes for the third time.
Tentatively Iruka reached out one finger and lightly traced the scar bisecting Kakashi's left eye. His touch was gentle, his fingers warming where they grazed the pale skin. Kakashi's eyes closed with pleasure and he swayed slightly. Iruka's hand moved down the length of Kakashi's neck and he pulled Kakashi's face forward. Their lips brushed gently once, twice, three times, before Iruka wrapped his arms around Kakashi and hugged him tightly.
"Thank you," he whispered. Kakashi nodded, unable to speak.
Iruka moved away slowly and they finished preparations for bed in silence. As they slipped under the futon, Kakashi pulled Iruka toward him, spooning against the younger man.
"Good-night, Iruka-sama."
He knew Iruka's face flushed, even though he couldn't see it. "Don't. You shouldn't call me that. I'm not…"
Kakashi brushed a soft kiss on Iruka's shoulder. "You are to me. You are to me." His arms tightened around the strong body of a man who was suddenly meaning more to him than anyone had in a very long time and he drifted off to sleep wondering why Iruka smelled so much like sunshine.