Pain
Chapter 5

How could Sheen, Ultrageek, the guy who was blinded by his love for Libby, how could he cheat on her? Did Libby deny him something that the midget was dying to give? What was with the world? What was with me? What was with these questions? Why the hell do I even care?

I sighed and tucked my notebook under my arm as I got up from my desk right as Jimmy walked into the classroom. I knew he was going to talk to me again, badger me with those questions. Questions I didn't want to answer. Or maybe the questions I didn't know the answers to.

"Cindy, wait!"

Great. He was still going to try. Again. When will he stop? Was he my stalker? Did he know about Sheen? Was he going to ask for a witness?

No. Can't be. He knew nothing. He will know nothing after I don't talk to him. It was best to keep him in the dark about everything rather than break open my shell and tell him everything that had been running through my mind for the past 36 hours.

"Cindy!"

Why was he so persistant? Didn't he know I didn't want to talk to him anymore? Didn't he know I was doing this to save him? Didn't he know Nick would practically kill him for talking to me again? Didn't he know how jealous Nick could get? Didn't he know?

Jimmy was by my side already, just as I was about to sit in the seat farthest from his. Well, the seat he usually sits in.

"Cindy. I want to talk to you. Really. I do."

I ignored him and began writing a poem I had been working on in my mind. He sat down in front of me, and stared.

Let me fly,
Far far away,
Let me fly,
Take this pain away.

Let me run,
Run somewhere else,
Let me run,
Away from this wretched house.

Let me float,
You don't watch anymore,
Let me float,
This is too cold.

I felt Jimmy's breath on my forehead, knowing he was watching me write. I lifted my head quickly and felt his nose collide with my forehead, heard a sickening crack.

He cried out and I felt my heart coil up and then spring back. It felt strange, a feeling I had never known before. Jimmy was nursing his nose, and then I saw a leak of red.

"You're bleeding."

He peered at me with bleary eyes, scrunched up with pain. I dug in my backpack for a packet of tissue and then withdrew a couple, pressing them into his free hand. His eyes thanked me and I nodded, looking back down at my notebook. A tiny splatter of blood dotted the top of my current page and I pressed my thumb against it. It felt warm...

"Will you comeb wib me to da nurse?"

I almost laughed, almost forgot the pain as he talked with and outrageous accent, something brought on by the nosebleed. I nodded and stuffed my things into my backpack, leaning it carefully against my desk. I walked up to the teacher's desk quickly and whispered, "Jimmy Neutron has a nosebleed. Can I take him to the nurse?"

My teacher, Miss Keller, she just shrugged and waved me away, knowing there was more than enough time for us to go there and come back. I nodded to Jimmy to come and then lowered my head as we headed to the nurse.

"So will you eber dell me why you habe dad bruise?"

I said nothing, hoping I could figure out a reason why I had gone with Jimmy. It was odd; he had this odd tantalizing effect on me. I didn't know why, didn't want to know. I watched him as he pressed the already soaked tissue harder to his nose. It spilled some blood onto Jimmy shirt and I watched as it billowed out, almost like a rose, a blood-red rose, on his shirt.

"You hade me don'd you?"

I shook my head and stuffed my hands inside my pockets. My dirty, greasy blond hair fell and hid my eyes. The same eyes as He had. Those brilliant, emerald green eyes.

"Why are you so quied?"

I shrugged and jerked my head toward the door; we had arrived at the nurse's office. He ignored it and watched me watch him. Very odd behavior for a guy who seemed to be bleeding to death through his nose.

"I remember how you used to be."

His outrageous accent seemed to be dissipating. I almost smiled, but frowned instead. His joy was contagious.

"You used to hate me."

True. Or maybe not. I really don't know. I lost my eleven year old self a while back.

"You also used to love me. We kissed."

I had forgotten that. That odd day. The odd week. That time Libby was ruining everyone's lives through gossip.

"I miss that Cindy. That Cindy used to be loud. Used to love correcting me. I remember that Cindy. I want her back."

I shrugged, feeling a chill come over me. How could I explain to myself that I was liking this performance? How could I explain to him that my old self was long gone?

"Everyone wants her back. Even Carl. He didn't really like you back then because you were so mean to him, but he loved everyone. Listen, Cindy, I want you back, I want you with me. Libby, Sheen, my mom, Carl... We all want the old Cindy back."

Fat chance, genius boy. Figure it out, Jimmy, you're a genius, you should know. There's no way I can go back. I'm already in too deep. And so is Nick. So is He.

"I think I know why you're like this."

My ears perked up; maybe he really did know... Maybe.

"I think it's because of Nick."

Well, he had half of it. And he'll never know the other part. No one will know. He would never forgive me. I would never forgive me. I can't tell anyone. No one will know. No one.

Why was he beating himself up because of this? Was there a reason? Was there a reason why anyone should care? Was there any reason for anyone to live? Forget it. The facts of life are too complicated. I'm too complicated.

"We can stop him, Cindy. We can do it together. We can get the world to help. We can help you."

I don't need your help. Don't need the world's help. What's with this helping happening? I didn't need it. Nick didn't need helping. He wasn't doing anything wrong.

"We need to stop it. He's killing you, Cindy. You may not think that way... But it's true. I can see it."

His nosebleed seemed to have stopped, and I could see by the clock on the wall that the bell was going to ring soon. I started back toward the classroom, until I felt Jimmy pull my arm.

Great. He was going to drone on until I die of boredom.

But... Change of plans. He had turned me around so he could...

Kiss me.

I felt his tongue delve into my mouth after a few seconds of his lips on mine. I was enjoying this, regardless of how much I needed Nick, regardless of how much I loved him.

He pulled back only after I dug my nails into his arm. Only after I gave him a red light. I couldn't do this to Nick. No way, no how.

"I can't."

Jimmy seemed startled at my words. Maybe he thought I still felt something for him, maybe he thought I would change my mind with a kiss.

No way, no how.