Pain
Chapter 8

Must I be the one to suffer for the problems of others? Apparently so. But I could do something about it, right? Right?

Walking home from the library, I couldn't help but notice a certain somebody following me. Nick sprinted forward, trying to catch up with me. I had set off from the library in a brisk walk, but now I was practically running.

"Oh, hey, babe. How's Neutron? He's good, right?" Nick was showing such sarcasm I could barely breathe. I shrugged away from him, although he was reaching out to me, trying to grab my waist and kiss me.

"Aw, come on, babe, it's just a scratch, ain't it?"

I lifted my shoulders, a desperate attempt to shield myself from the waves of radiating hate and coldness coming from Nick. He had a bad childhood, as I had, and I was to pay for it.

"Babe! You look at me or else, got it?"

Perhaps I'm afraid for my life, perhaps I'm afraid for Jimmy's; I looked at Nick with scorn. He glared back at me, finally able to grab onto me since I had stopped running away from him. He pulled me closer, burying his face in my neck, breathing his hot breath on my skin. I cringed, almost unwillingly; I had gotten so used to it. But now it was different, he had caused to much pain, too much heartache that I couldn't ignore it any further.

"Look, babe... I'm sorry. Forgive me?" He looked at me expectantly with doleful eyes. I had to keep myself from yelling, What are you crazy? Forgive you? After all you've done? What the hell are you smoking? Oh wait, I know, you're a pothead!

But I couldn't say anything. Not yet. Not until I was safe. Not until he was.

"It's... It's fine." I worked so hard to shield my hate from him, so hard to make him believe I was still on his side.

Nick smiled crookedly, one side of his mouth going higher than the other. In so many ways could I hate him, but when he smiled like that, when he smiled like Jimmy did, I couldn't help but smile back.

"So, Cindy," he whispered into my ear. "Wanna go to a party with me tonight?"

He had called me Cindy. Wow. He hadn't said my name since.. God knows when.

"Tonight?" I was going to go see Jimmy tonight... "And if I say no?"

Nick stopped for a second, not even a hint of emotion showing on his face. After what seemed like an eternity, he smiled at me.

"It's fine. There's always a party. We can go to one tomorrow or something."

He had let me do what I want. Maybe he really was changing... No. Couldn't be. He had to be doing this to regain my trust... Probably. Or maybe the hope that was remaining in the pieces of my broken heart made me believe what I did. Made me believe that Nick was turning over a new leaf.

"Babe?" His voice came unfamiliarly, intruding my thoughts violently.

I looked at him, a smile playing on the edges of his lips. "Is something wrong? Hey, babe, if I really did hurt Neutron, I'll go apologize to him."

Of course you hurt him you bastard no need to apologize though he doesn't like you anyway don't want you to look at him don't want to look at you anymore he hates you so much now more than he hated you before and now i think i hate you too even if i love you so much.

My thoughts were in a jumble, everything coming at me all at once, all different perspectives, all different emotions coming together in the abyss of my mind.

I shook my head and then kissed Nick's cheek. "No, nothing's wrong. And I'm sure Jimmy's fine. Since when did you care how he was anyway?"

"Don't really," he said with a shrug. "It's just that he's your best friend or something, right?"

How did he know? He didn't care about me...

"Yeah, I suppose."

"Alright then, I'll see you later then, right, babe?"

I nodded and Nick leaned in to kiss me, but I turned my head quickly so that he got a mouthful of my hair. He laughed and shook his head a moment later, almost as if he knew an inside joke. I trembled, fear suddenly returning to me. I then remembered a brief conversation I had had with Jimmy a few days ago...

"So, Cindy, how've you been?"

"Fine. You?"

"You know, same old, same old. Always having to wake up in the middle of the night with my abdominal cramps and peeing
in a bedpan every morning."

I had laughed bitterly, half at Jimmy for being so optimistic, half at Nick for making Jimmy so optimistic by getting him to his hospital bed.

"Well, I'm glad you're alright, at any rate," he had said. "Because then at least one of us can be happy."

I had shook my head at that, no way was I happy. Not with him at the hospital, and with Nick flirting with all of the girls at school.

"Hey, Jimmy?"

"Yeah?"

"Should I trust Nick?"

"What? Of course not! Why would you ask me that? I thought that surely you'd know."

"Well, I didn't... It's just... I always have trusted him, and it's going to be hard for me to stop all of a sudden."

"Cindy, trust me when I say this, but you should never trust a guy like Nick. He's lower than dirt, and if he tries to make you feel like he probably does every single day, I say let him go to hell, because I know for a fact that you're worth way more than dirt."

"Of course you would know something for a fact, eh? Mister Boy Genius."

"That's me, Jimmy Neutron, Boy Genius!"

Thinking of that conversation, I tried to convince myself that Nick was only tricking me, only trying to seduce me back into my old life. Well, guess again, Nick Dean, I'm not going to fall for that one again.