Pain
Chapter 9
His breath, once again, on my cheek. I shuddered and gasped, gripping the arm of the couch.
"Come on, Cindy.. Stop being so tense."
I squeezed out many tears from my eyes and gasped again.
"No more," I whispered.
He looked at me, surprise littering his face. "What did you say?"
I stared back at him, my eyes rimmed with red, my hair a bloody mess. He had always loved running his fingers through it...
"What did you say?" he yelled, angry now more than surprised.
I closed my eyes, my heart beating wildly against my ribcage. I would have to deal with this until the day I die...
I felt so confused. So, so very confused. What was I to do? Was I supposed to find Nick and break up with him or something? What would that do? Would that solve all my problems? No. There was no way that would happen. Perhaps if I called the cops... No. Nick.. He didn't deserve that. Ugh, this was harder than I thought, this emotional crisis. Life really had ways to make you cry sometimes, exactly as it was doing right now. Although I wasn't crying physically, I was totally crying inside, pulled apart by personal torment. Maybe that was the reason why life had decided to throw me this unswerving curveball. Because I was so emotional unstable that it knew it would have fun watching me try to figure this out.
And it was so very right. I was having a hard time, and it was having fun. Otherwise it would at least help me out somehow...
"Cindy? Are you okay?"
Jimmy's voice rammed through my thoughts, interrupting it, but not unwelcomed. I smiled at him and grabbed his hand.
"I can't wait 'til you're out of bed... Things are.. Well... Crappy, to say the least, at school."
Jimmy looked up at me with doleful eyes and blinked once. "I'll be out of bed in no time, Cin'. Don't sweat it."
"Well, then why have there been all those surgeries and complications?"
He sighed and looked down, his now long hair shielding his eyes from me. I placed a hand on his chin and lifted his head, looking straight into his sky blue eyes.
"I'm sorry Jimmy. It's just... I miss you and I love you and I'm tired of having to do this with Nick and pretending to be even close to attracted to him and did I mention that I love you?"
Jimmy smiled, one side of his mouth skyrocketing above the other. I smiled back, and then placed a light kiss on his lips.
"I'm going to head home and eat dinner, but I'll be back before my mom can bitch at me, okay?"
Jimmy nodded and I stroked his cheek, hot, burning tears appearing in my eyes.
"What's wrong?" he asked quietly. I shook my head and wiped the tears away, feeling one escape and slide down my face.
"It's... Nothing... I just... I miss you, that's all."
"But I'm right here," he said cheerfully, spreading his arms and smiling at me. I smiled back, my bottom lip trembling.
"Well, I'm going to to go now, okay?"
He nodded at me and waved as I walked out the door.
Nick needs to be taken care of... How? When? What? WHY?
I shook my head and rubbed my temples slowly, walking quickly down the stairs and opening the door. Standing just outside was Libby, a plate of cookies in her hand.
"Oh," we said simultaneously. I shook my head, chuckling.
"Hi," I said, trying hard to be friendly. Libby smiled at me and nodded, indicating that she needed to come in.
"Oh!" I stepped aside, letting her step inside and put the cookies on the coffee table. Seeing that she was just standing there, I waved at her and walked out the door.
"I'll walk with you to your house if you want, Cindy."
Her voice startled me; I hadn't heard it in so long. I barely recognized it too, it had changed dramatically from her usual attitude-filled drone to something light and melodious.
"Umm.. Okay."
She followed me outside, closing the door gently behind her.
"I haven't talked to you since... How long ago? Fifth grade?" she muttered.
I nodded in agreement, a light blush overcoming my face.
"I'm sorry," I apologized quickly. "I just.. I lost my friends when I started going out with Nick and..."
"I know why you lost your friends.."
"What?"
"Jimmy told me. Nick made you, right?"
We stayed silent for the longest time, just standing there. I looked across the street to my house and lowered my head.
"Yeah. He did." I looked back up, seeing Libby with her eyes teary. "Listen. You don't have to do anything about it, just so you know. And I really should get home."
"Can I come with you?"
"Come where? My house?"
"Yeah."
"Umm... I suppose." I shrugged and began walking quickly home, looking both ways before crossing the street.
Libby walked along quickly with me, her mouth close my ear. When had she gotten that tall?
"So."
I looked at her, taking out the key to my house door from my bag. "So?"
"How are you?"
I bit my lower lip and inserted the key into the hole. "I'm fine, what do you think?" I spat back sarcastically.
I threw open the door suddenly, and walked briskly. I turned around, and seeing Libby standing in the doorway, I raised my eyebrows. "Coming in?"
She looked at me in surprise; perhaps thinking I wasn't going to invite her in.
I shrugged as she walked slowly in, and then I threw my bag next to the couch where a suspicious briefcase sat.
"Who's is this?" I asked to nobody in particular. Libby looked at me and shrugged, sitting down slowly on the couch.
"Mom!" I yelled. "Who's here?"
Just as I finished yelling, a man walked into the living room, a man I had dreaded seeing since the day he had left.
His fair hair fell over his eyes just like they used to, but they did nothing to hide the crow's feet in the corners of his eyes.
"Hello, Cindy. It's been a while."