Pain
Chapter 13

Back at our house again. Of course. I always knew my father was very into being dramatic, but I didn't know he had sunk so low. Perhaps it was because he hadn't seen me in four years and he had gotten out of touch with his acting skills..

My vision swirled around, my headache still not dissipating. What was going on? Seriously. This act of my body's was getting so old. But perhaps... What if I was terminally ill? No. Couldn't be. Psychological issues? But would that really be a reason for me to feel physical pain? Maybe. I'd heard depression gave you aches; did I have something that makes me feel like crap? Literally?

"Ooooh, Cindy," sang my father, his tone serious, but sounding fun. Was this too confusing? I hoped not. "Are you ready to talk, dear?"

Of course. That was why he told me to get ready! He wanted to force me to do something, or better yet, force me to agree with him so he feels like he has absolute power over me! Wait, that's not right... Huh, was this "sickness" affecting my brain? What had my brain done to provoke it so? Oh, well, that was too bad.

"Cindy," he said with a sigh. "You need to stop seeing that boy."

Jimmy? That was the reason why he acted like an ass to me? What a weirdo. Well, that would explain my obvious dislike for him. Or was it the fact that he abused me for so long?

"You want to know why you can't see that boy? The neighbor boy? Because he is evil. That's why."

What the hell was he talking about? Because he was evil? Jimmy was much less evil than anyone I knew. I suppose my dad was confusing Jimmy with himself...

"And you want to know why I say this?"

I nodded slowly, my blurred vision still blurry, and my nauseous stomach still nauseous.

"I say this because..." He added a pause for effect, raising his eyebrow and a harsh twinkle in his eye. "Your precious little Jimmy has been caught!"

Caught? Caught in what? What was my dad smoking?

"Caught cheating on you!"

Stunned, I stared at my father, who seemed quite giddy that my life had just crashed down before me for the umpteenth time. My initial reaction was the yell and throw things at my father, storm out and stab Jimmy through the heart. But perhaps initial reactions were just our body's way of telling us to shut up and calm down. Or maybe it was our body's way of telling us to follow that stinkin' reaction and kill everyone in your path!

"Jimmy," I said, my voice sounding warped to my ears. "Would never, in all the world, cheat on me."

My father, the twinkle in his eye not disappearing, smirked at me and my apparent, but weak, defiance.

"You really think so, don't you?" he sneered, laughter hinting at his old but handsome face. "You are so naive, my little princess, so naive. It's all right, you've got me, don't you?"

I shook my head dumbly, still surprised. I stood up on shaky legs and I stumbled outside, my dad's laughter ringing in my ears. Struggling, I made my way to Jimmy's house, my heart pounding harder than it had ever pounded before. My legs still feeling like jello, I climbed the two steps onto Jimmy's porch. I tried the doorknob, and surprisingly, it opened... I made my way up the stairs, hearing... Hearing noises. I stood in front of Jimmy's door, bracing myself for the worst.

Maybe bracing myself for the worst wasn't good enough.

I spotted discarded clothes trailing up to Jimmy's bed from the door. A couple of them I recognized, and some of them were familiar, yet I couldn't place them. Apparently the noises I had heard were noises of pleasure, seeing as two figures in the bed were pushing each other around, moaning.

Inside I felt myself shatter, once again, the pieces from the prior heart-shattering moment breaking again. Nothing could have ever prepared me for this. Nothing in all of the world.

As I stared at the two figures, they didn't notice me, but after I opened my mouth and started screaming; louder than anything, they noticed me.

"Oh my God, Cindy!" yelled Jimmy, pushing himself away from the other person, wrapping the mess of blankets and sheets around his body, shielding himself from me. Never had he done that. Never. We had done this before, but never so... So passionately. And never had he covered himself.

"Cindy?" asked the other voice nervously, as if testing the waters. A head with messy hair popped out from behind the curtain of sheets and I stared as my former best friend, the one of two people allowed inside my cocoon of trust, feeling as if someone had just stabbed me, literally and metaphorically, although it was natural that I did; they had just stabbed me in the back.

Still stunned too much to talk, I stared at the two most valued people in my life as they stumbled out of bed and struggled to pull their clothes on. Their movements were awkward, almost as if they preferred that I be gone from their lives right now. After a few more minutes, I gathered enough composure, or an illusion of composure, to tell Jimmy that he was no longer needed.

"Cindy," he cried desperately. "Wait! Let me explain!"

How many times had boys said this to girls in movies and books? How many times had girls believed them? How many times must my heart endure this pain? How much longer did I have?

"No more!" I yelled, tears stinging my eyes. "No more am I going to let everyone walk all over me! No more am I going to stay silent! No more am I going to even try to endure this pain!"

Sobbing, my head aching, my stomach aching, I stumbled out of Jimmy's house and I ran. I ran to the park where it was the only safe place. The only thing close to safe.

I laid down next to the large oak tree, watching the last of the sunlight disappear, watching the creatures of the night emerge. Junkies, whores, so-called gangsters. Maybe Retroville wasn't so much Retroville as it used to be... Before, it was all nice. Before, Jimmy's mom would make everyone cookies. Before, I wouldn't be so messed up. Before, Jimmy would never do that. Ever.

I stared up above me, watching the distant stars drift out of my vision as sleep overtook me. I tried to fight it but the yearning for rest was too much to resist. I let it take me, just as I had let my dad take me, just as I had let Nick take me, just as I had Jimmy take me.

Bits of dreams drifted in and out of my mind, everything fuzzy. I spotted things I recognized, and also things I couldn't tell from the grass underneath me. Everything seeming of smoke, I stumbled through my dreams, waking up for no reason as the gentle breeze blew my hair around.

A rustle of leaves; I heard someone, or worse, something, stir beside me. I bolted up, peerig around with bleary eyes.

"Who's there?" I whispered, fear taking over my body. "Who's there?"

The shadows drifted as the person, or thing, moved closer to me, still seeming like a blob in the dark.

"It's me," the person whispered back to me. Me who? I wondered. Who could have known that I was here?

"Me?"

The figure scooted closer to me, making me draw back, closer to the oak tree. The shadows dissipated as he moved into the lamplight, something that had appeared after I had fallen asleep.

"It's me, Cindy," he whispered. "It's Sheen."