Pain
Chapter 14

Sheen inched closer to me and I relaxed, not bothering to realize that he might be here on orders of Nick. But most likely he wasn't. Or was he? Confusion etched into my face, I stared at Sheen, wondering why he was even here. Wait, I already wondered that, didn't I?

"Cindy?" he asked quietly. "You saw, didn't you?"

Saw? Saw what? As I pondered this, Sheen crept even closer, so close that I could see the dark stubble that was lining his narrow jaw. Tears seemed to be edging their way out of his eyes as he looked me over, my disheveled appearance, the sad expression on my face.

"You did see, didn't you? You saw Jimmy and Libby together, didn't you?"

So that was what he had been talking about. Of course. Of course. I nodded slowly, watching every movement that he made. He had never been like this before in his entire life; I would know, I always had watched him. Him and everyone else in this town.

"Did you ever think it was possible?"

I watched him still, watching as he wrapped his thin, long arms around his long legs; something he accumulated over the years.

"Yes." My cryptic answer seemed puzzling to him, and I saw the tears that had been in his eyes a moment earlier fall down slowly, ever so slowly down his dark-skinned face.

Gulping for breath, he leaned against the tree and wept, pouring out all of the things he had kept inside of himself for many years.

"I'd always known they liked each other, always!" he wailed, reaching out to me to embrace. Hesitantly I accepted his clumsy hug, feeling his tears soak into my thin shirt.

"Why did they have to do that? Why did I have to find out? Please, Cindy, say something!"

When I stayed quiet, he clutched my arms and pushed me slightly away, staring into my eyes.

"Why won't you say anything, why?!" he whispered fiercely, his eyes emitting fire. A fire that had never burned before, but had been lit the moment he walked into Jimmy's room.

"Why!" he screamed. "Why? Why? Why? Why!"

His voice piereced my heart, and it started bleeding again, bleeding tears until eventually, both of our eyes grew dry. Why had fate delivered yet another cruel blow to me? And to Sheen? What had he done that was so wrong that he deserved this?

But then it hit me. I remembered the party I had went to with Nick about a month ago, the party where I had seen Sheen with someone other than Libby.

Had she found out and pleaded with Jimmy? Or had they been harnessing this romance for longer than we could anticipate?

"Sheen?" I whispered, feeling him stir beside me. "Did you... Were you ever unfaithful to Libby?" I asked this knowing full well that he had been, but I waited to see if he would tell me the truth.

He stayed quiet, nestling himself in my arms. I watched his many emotions as they played out on his face, and then he spoke.

"Yes. I have."

Then he started crying again, his strong arms growing frail and weak inside his letterman jacket. How was I to know that something like this could make him so sad? How was I to know something like this would make him an old man?

"Sheen, stop."

His crying ceased almost immediately, but his breathing grew shallow and he sniffled occasionally. Perhaps now, both of us were too broken to use anymore.

"I'm sorry," I whispered. "I'm sorry for what Libby did. And I'm sorry your best friend was involved."

Sheen's breathing grew deep and pained, and I looked at him, his eyes wide open as he stared at me, almost fearfully.

"Why are you saying sorry? What did you do? Why aren't you feeling?"

His words hit home, and I almost doubled over in my pain, my eyes starting to pour out more tears. When will any of this cease? When will the pain stop flowing?

Quickly I pushed Sheen away, my heart feeling as if it were about to burst, and I wept even more, knowing that he was still watcing me. After I slowed down my crying, I buried my head in my arms, breathing heavily.

"I'm sorry for saying what I did," he stammered, his eyes rimmed with red from all of the tears that had leaked out.

I looked up and saw Sheen staring at me, shamefaced. Immediately I felt angry at him for thinking he could treat me like that and think that I would forgive him for saying sorry. But then I realized it was me. Of course I would forgive. There was no way I couldn't.

"It's okay," I said quietly, leaning against him again.

We sat like that for a long time, so long that we were literally watching the sun come up.

"Why did you come here?" I asked, feeling curious for the first time in my life.

Quietly he replied, his face contorted into one of pain and fear. "I come here when I'm sad. I come here when I can't take it anymore. I come here when my heart is breaking."

His voice flowed through my heart and my mind, making me feel as if he was the one who suffered. But he had. He had suffered.

"I'm sorry."

He stared at me then, his eyes set in a hard stare, daring me to move even an inch. I stayed still, and stared back, stared until birds were chirping above us and people were beginning to stumble into the park.

"There's no reason for you to be sorry, Cindy," he said bluntly, his voice dripping sadness. "You didn't do anything wrong."

Then I cried even more, feeling my head pulsate, feeling it ache again as the tears flowed freely once more.

"It's all my fault, all mine! I didn't... I wanted to stop everything but it wouldn't! I don't want to hurt anymore, take it all away, Sheen, I don't want it! Please... Please take it away... Please."

I fell into his arms, smelling his odd, manly smell, crying again. This night, this morning seemed to be a day of remorse, a day of tears. When will the pain cease? When will it all be over?

"Cindy," he whispered into my ear, "Come on, we have to go..."

I snuggled myself even further into his chest, breathing his scent in deeply. Hesitantly I looked up with my tear stained face, nodding.

"Okay," I muttered sleepily. "Okay..."

With that he lifted me up, and I felt at ease for the first time in my life, and it was as if I was floating. Floating along with a guy who seemed to know the meaning of pain, something most people didn't know these days...