Yes, yes, it's short. Deal with it.

Pain
Chapter 15

Images of Jimmy and Libby taunting me drifted in and out of my mind, making me moan sadly into Sheen's chest as he carried me somewhere. Where was he taking me, I wondered, then I fell into a deep slumber, too tired to wonder and question anymore...

I saw Libby standing. Standing alone by Jimmy's house, she seemed sad, and I approached her, noticing that her eyes seemed lifeless.

"Libby?" I asked, my voice floating on the air, so thick it was making me gag. "Libby? Are you okay?"

In a daze, Libby stumbled away, disappearing in the mist. I tried following her, but my arms and legs felt like lead, melting into the ground. Soon I was sitting on the ground, once more a little girl of six, watching my father and mother make out on the couch. Angrily, my mother tore away from my father, yelling at me to go to my room.

I stood up slowly and made my way to the stairs, but apparently this wasn't fast enough for my mother. Whizzing by my ear came a heavy, glass paperweight. Soon after, a shoe. Gasping for breath, I ran to my room, crying for my teddy bear.

Then the background melted away into nothing, and I was in the back of Nick's car, watching myself and Nick together. Nick seemed like he was enjoying the night, but when I looked at myself I saw an empty girl, someone who had already died.

And I wept, wept some more as I realized who I was.

I was simply another girl in the lives of many people, drifting in and out, never saying a word, never being a person. Who was I now? Had I changed? Or was I still a ghost?

I cried out suddenly and struck out with my arms and legs, relieved for a moment at the fact that they weren't lead. But for some reason, I hit something, and I heard that something cry out, a deep, male voice.

Who was it?

When I looked over, over to where the voice had come, I noticed Sheen rubbing his forehead, a dark red bump starting to swell.

"I'm so sorry," I gasped, righting myself on Sheen's couch so that I was face to face with him. "I didn't... I didn't mean to hit you."

Smiling, he waved me off, seeming happy that I even cared. "It's fine, Cindy, don't worry."

Soon we were smiling at each other, sitting in the silence. But it felt right, just sitting there with him, it felt like I belonged there, as if I should never leave. It was as if I should have been here all along.

"Listen," whispered Sheen, wrapping his arm around me. "I want you to know that I care, okay? That I'm here for you. Always have been."

Blushing slightly, I nodded, feeling the heat of my cheeks spread to my neck, and then further down my body. Still I stayed silent, feeling like I had before, when I had never said anything to anyone, when Nick had absolute power over me.

"Cindy," he breathed, "I want you to know that I'm not friends with Nick, okay?"

How had he known that I was thinking about Nick? How had he known that I was wondering exactly that question?

"Okay," I whispered, feeling the heat from Sheen's body intoxicate mine. "Okay."

Slowly he rested his lips on mine, and I felt him tremble, knowing that he was feeling unsure of this. Reluctantly I pulled myself away, knowing this wasn't the right time. I knew we weren't ready yet.

"I'm sorry," he apologized, "I didn't mean to. I didn't... I mean, I meant to... I didn't know if you wanted it or not."

He smiled at me, still unsure. I smiled back, but more cheerfully than he had.

"Sheen." I smiled once more. "I did want it. It's not that I don't want it. It's because I think that we're not really at that.. That time yet."

Immediately after I said this, I regretted it, knowing that Sheen would be disappointed.

"I'm sorry."

After a moment of silence, he looked up and shrugged. "It's okay. Do you want to go home now?"

As he said this, I saw the ghost of my father smiling wickedly at me in my mind, and I clutched onto Sheen's arm.

"No," I whispered. "No."

"What's wrong?" he asked, genuinely concerned. I shook my head and then I wrapped myself around him, crying once more. We sat like that for a while, but then I looked up at Sheen, staring at his lips. It had felt very good when he had kissed me, unsure as he was, and I was pondering whether I should kiss him now, regardless of what I had said a moment ago.

Oddly, I continued wondering whether I should kiss him right now, right there, and I fantasized about it, making me feel warmer and warmer inside. And soon it was overpowering me, making me a crazy, addicted woman. I was quickly pushing him down, putting my lips to his, prying his lips apart until both of us were hot and sweating. I ran my hands over his chest and he moaned, doing the same for me. I moaned in synch to his moans, and I pulled up his shirt, noticing that he had quite a few muscles.

We were crazy that night, not stopping even as the sun came up, another sunrise to add to the one the day before. Apparently I had slept most of the morning and afternoon earlier, and it had been night when I woke up and struck Sheen in the head.

What a night it was. What a guy he was.

But I knew this would do little to satisfy me, knowing that I had to settle the score with the many men who had destroyed me over the years, knowing that I had a long road to travel down before I could be satisfied.

But the upside was that I had another person, an equal half to me, to walk down that road with.