Pain
Chapter 18

When Jimmy and I had gotten back together, we had totally forgotten Sheen and Libby. When I asked Jimmy about Libby, he would remain silent.. I had left it at that, needing no reason to aggravate our situation ever again. But I had not completely forgotten Sheen. I still remembered how he had held me up when I was falling down, how he was so sweet, how he was so supporting. I didn't want to ignore him completely. So I had hunted him down the day after, trying to apologize to him... But he hadn't even acknowledged my existence. Yet.. Yet I saw a muscle twitch in his cheek. I took that for some kind of recognition of my apology...

"Cindy?" Jimmy asked quietly, "Are you okay? You're really quiet..."

I looked at Jimmy from across the lab where we had been staying at (Jimmy didn't want to stay at his house because of his dad) and smiled.

"I'm okay."

Jimmy watched me for a moment, but nodded curtly before turning back to his new invention. "Okay."

He had so gracefully taken me in. I was so grateful, plus I had forgiven him and it no longer mattered to me anymore. And he was making me fall in love with him every day...

"Jimmy?" I asked, looking shamefully down at the rocky ground. He turned to me and raised an eyebrow.

"Hmm?" I gulped down air, feeling my palms start sweating.

"I might... I might..." I heard his footsteps as he walked toward where I was sitting on his couch. Around it sat empty Purple Flurp cans and candy bar wrappers. I felt a shudder go through my body as I remembered that was what Nick's car had inside of it. Jimmy sat down beside me and lifted my head by cupping my chin with his hand.

"What is it?" he asked softly, his eyebrows furrowed with worry. I stared into his deep blue eyes, thinking his eyes were the perfect shade of dark blue...

"I might still have feelings for Nick."

There. I had said it. But I had told Jimmy that I had never had feelings for Nick.. How was he going to take this?

"What?" he gasped, apparently shocked. "I thought... What? When did you realize this?"

"Last week. When Sheen and I were at the Candy Bar before heading to Camelot. Nick was there. And when he looked at me..." I felt another shudder go through my body as I remembered the playful, but scary, glint in Nick's eyes as he glared at me. For some reason, his gaze had made me turn to jello... His hateful attitude was appealing, oddly, and I just couldn't get it out of my head.

Jimmy, obviously, stayed silent, a dullness replacing the happiness in his eyes. "Oh."

"I'm sorry!" I wailed, "I don't know why! It's probably nothing! I probably don't even have feelings for him! I probably... I probably..."

I collapsed into his arms, still wailing. I made no sense to myself as I kept crying gibberish, and I managed to sit up and quiet down as Jimmy stroked my hair, my cheek.

"Don't worry, I understand. Don't worry."

I felt myself sniffle, and I looked deeply into his now dull eyes. The blue had faded... It was as if he had aged ten years in ten seconds... I felt horrible.

"I'm sorry," I whispered, placing kissed along his jawline and down to his neck. "I'm sorry."

Jimmy lifted my head from where I had once again settled it against his chest. "It's okay, really! Don't worry."

As he comforted me, I felt myself drift off to sleep, my eyes closing, feeling myself drift into a dream, a memory...

Sixteen. Two years until Nick's full transformation. This was when his acne was slowly disappearing, his hotness returning. He had fllled out, looking more and more like a male model than a cover boy for Geeks magazine... This was when he was still nice.

"Cindy!"

I looked for Nick, who was across the room from me, and smiled as I spotted his shiny hair. He waved before running to me, and I spread my arms for a hug. He ran straight into me, and we enveloped each other in our arms.

"Cindy," he breathed, "I missed you so much!"

Missed me? We had been away from each other for an hour... How could he miss me in that short a time?

"I missed you so so so so so so so so much!" exclaimed Nick, looking at me once more, his face now away from my hair, where he had been nuzzling into.

I laughed and kissed his cheek, taking his hand and pulling him to the cafeteria, where we sat down next to Brittney and Butch. (Now a couple. Ugh.)

"Hey, Brittney!" I said happily, waving to Nick as he hurried over to the lunch line. "Are we going to the movies tonight or what?"

Butch scowled in disgust, but Brittney squealed in delight. "Are we ever! Yeah! So tonight at seven? We're all going to meet there, right?"

I nodded and almost laughed as Butch pulled Brittney aside to whispered not so quietly in her ear. "Babe, I thought we were going to my house tonight... And you know how I hate going to the movies, right, babe?"

"It's okay if you guys don't come, you know. Nick and I can watch the movie without you guys.."

Brittney waved my suggestion away, a smile replacing the pout on her face as she turned away from Butch.

"We're coming, Cindy, don't you worry!"

I smiled at her and grabbed Nick's hand as he settled into his seat beside me. He had brought an amazing four trays laden with cafeteria food.

"Dig in guys!" he said cheerfully, taking a french fry from his tray and holding it in front of my mouth. I smiled again and bit into it, closing my eyes and chewing slowly.

"Alright, fine!" I heard Butch sigh. Again, Brittney had convinced her boyfriend into coming to the movies with us. Unlike Butch, Nick actually liked watching movies, so I had no problem there...

"You okay, Cindy? You're so quiet, sometimes it scares me..."

I opened my eyes and saw Jimmy look at me worriedly. I smiled and kissed his cheek, reassuring him.

"I'm fine, Jimmy! You need to stop asking me that," I said with a laugh. He sighed and wrapped his arm around me, settling his head on mine.

"I'm sorry, Cindy... It's just... You're so quiet!"

I patted his hand and stroked his cheek. "I know. It's fine. Don't worry yourself."

He smiled at me and I smiled back, kissing him softly. He felt cold underneath my lips and I settled a hand on his forehead. He was clammy.

"Are you okay, Jimmy?" I said quickly, sitting up. "You're all cold and clammy!"

"I'm fine, Cindy, don't... Don't worry," he said, his voice faint. I saw his eyelids droop and I placed a hand underneath his chin, lifting his head up, the same as he had done for me.

"No, you're not okay! I think you're sick! C'mon, we gotta get you to the hospital!"

He collapsed then, and I felt my heart break again. It was as if I was losing him. I felt myself panick, and I began watching myself as if life was once more in slow motion. What if he had another complication from the time Nick had stabbed him? Surely he was fine by now!

"Jimmy! C'mon, wake up!" I slapped his cheek lightly, but as Jimmy slept on, my slaps grew fiercer. Why wasn't he waking up?

"JIMMY!" I cried, feeling my eyes tear up. No, not again. I wasn't... I didn't want to lose him again. Not after... Not after Nick stabbed him... Never again..

Yet it was already happening.

Hello. (It's been awhile since I put something personal into my chapters, so here goes.) This is an excerpt from a song called Hallelujah by a small band called Paramore. (They're awesome.)

somehow everything's gonna fall right into place
if we only had a way to make it all fall faster everyday
if only time flew like a dove
we gotta make it fly faster than I'm falling in love

this time we're not giving up
let's make it last forever
screaming "hallelujah"
we'll make it last forever

holding onto patience, wearing thin
I can't force these eyes to see the end
if only time flew like a dove
we could watch it fly and just keep looking on

That's not all of it (hence the excerpt part), but it's a pretty short song. They have a myspace page. Go to it!