Just as an introduction I would like to explain that this is infact a parody, it is not meant to be offensive, and you should not expect it to be particularly brilliant. However, I may get lucky in that respect.
WARNING: This parody contains slashy implications and possibly inappropriate language - Read at your own risk. (If you need a definition of "slashy" just go to and look it up.)
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Harry Potter and a Bunch of Flaming Feathery Things
Sun: MUAHAHAHA See Harry? I'm magical too, I can make ALL THE GRASS IN ALL THE LAND BROWNER THAN YOUR INACURATELY BROWN HAIR!
Harry: -swings- -is depressed-
Dudley: omg u r so emo cuz ur parents and ur bf are deadeded
Harry: -whips out wand- (suggestive? no...)
BING BAM BOOM
DARK SKY
RAIN
DEMENTORS
PATRONUS
SQUIB
ICE CREAM
EXPELLEDEDED... or not?
Vernon: TO THE HOSPITAL WITH DIDDY-KINS!
Order Members: -show up-
WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE FLYING INTERLUDE
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Hermione: HARRY! -hugs-
Ron:-evil eye-
Harry: WTF IZGOINON?
Hermione: Dumbledore made us pinky swear we wouldn't tell...
Fred and George: -apparate- Yo Harry we heard you bein' all caps back there.
Me and Em: -sob-
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Mr Weasley: -wobbles on escalator-
-
OMG MINISTRY
Lucius: And then you just add water and you've got an instant flower bed!
Fudge: And it really works you say? Wow, I guess I'll have to-
Mr Weasley: -glare-
-INSERT HEARING HERE-
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SKIP SKIP SKIP A WHOLE BUNCH OF STUFFFF
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Harry: Wtf Voldemort in a suit?
Voldemort: What? Don't you like it? Come on! Its Armani!
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Umbridge: -is generally sadistic and horrible-
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Harry: -writhes while sweaty in bed for a good 10 minutes-
Harry: -wakes up-
Ron: -stares- You know, it really is common courtesy to do that with the curtains closed.
Harry: -blink-
Ron: Nevermind.
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SKIP SKIP SKIP
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Hermione: D.A. TIME!
Harry:
People: There are lots of us, more than Harry expected.
Hermione: ZOMG YAY BREAKING RULES
Ron: -blink- -wonders if this new Hermione would be more willing to go out with him-
Hermione: omg Harry, Cho totally likes you.
Harry: -grin-
Ginny: -SUBTEXT SUBTEXT SUBTEXT GOD DAMN IT SO MUCH FUCKING SUBTEXT-
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YAY YAY YAY
WE ARE IN THE DA
WE CAST A SPELL
AND THEN RAISE HELL
TO MAKE THE MINISTRY PAY!
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Mistletoe: -grows-
- INSERT AWKWARD HANDS AT THEIR SIDES KISS HERE-
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Harry-Snake: DIE DIE DIE
Harry: ZOMG RON'S DAD
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(Dumbledore's office)
Snape: -comes out of nowhere- You wanted to see me?
Audience: wtf? Did Snape just come out of a closet? (suggestive...?)
Snape: -drags a sweaty Harry roughly down to the dungeon- You would not last a second if the Dark Lord attempted to penetrate your mind.
Me and Em: -stifles laughter with great effort-
-OCCLUMENCY LESSONS-
Snape:Control your emotions!
Harry: We've been at it for hours if I could just have some time to rest...
Me and Em: -uncontrollable laughter-
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ZOMG CHRISTMASSSS
Sirius: -wink-
Harry: -blink-
Sirius: -raises eyebrow-
Harry: -starting to feel violated-
Sirius: You know, you are /so/ much like your father... With his rugged good looks and his stocky build. His strong chin and toned chest...
Harry: -backs away slowly-
Em: -sob- sirius... oh sirius...
BACK TO SCHOOL NOW PPLS
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Neville: -divulges deep personal secrets-
Harry: -empathizes-
Mistletoe: -grows-
Harry: Wtf? Does it just always do that?
OMG DA DISCOVERED
DUMBLEDORE GONE
UMBRIDGE HEADMISTRESS
-RANDOM KID IN THE RAIN-
SNAPES WORST MEMORY
NO MORE OCCLUMENCY
MORE WRITHING
OMG ITS GRAWP
Grawp: -snatches Hermione-
Ron: -EVIL GLARES OF JEALOUSY-
Hermione: Put me down… NOW.
Grawp: -puts down- -give Hermione a piece of a bike-
Ron: -thinking: Damn it I should have thought of that!-
OMG O.W.L.'S
OMG FRED -sob- AND GEORGE PWN UMBRIDGE
YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY
HARRY –FAINTS-
Harry: OMG SIRIUS.
SKIP SKIP SKIP SKIP SKIP
WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE DEPARTMENT OF MYSTERIES
Harry: woo shiny glowy ball.
Lucius: give me the shiny glowy ball!
Harry: NO. Its MY shiny glowy ball!
Bellatrix: you silly rabbit, trix are for kids!
Harry: What?
Bellatrix: My name has the word 'trix' in it –random-
Lucius: Anyways…. GIVE ME THE FUCKING SHINY BALL BITCH.
Bellatrix: Bitch rhymes with snitch.
Lucius: shuddup.
EPIC FIGHT SCENE
OMG DEAD SIRIUS
I HATE YOU, BIG FUCKING CURTAIN
AND I HATE YOU TOO BELLATRIX
CRUCIO.
Voldemort: -licks Harry's ear-
Harry: Dude. That is not cool. Ignorant parents are going to bring their little kids to this thinking it is a kids movie.
MORE EPIC BATTLEING (sp?)
Harry: -is possessed-
SKIP SKIP SKIP SKIP SKIP SKIPPY. … PEANUT BUTTER mmmmmm…
Harry: It's all my fault…
Dumbledore: The fault is mine.
Harry: … and I'm fat…
Dumbledore: No you're not…
Harry:-crying now- YES IT IS, YOU DON'T UNDERSTAAAAND ME!
Dumbledore:
Harry: We have something Voldemort doesn't… Something worth fighting for.
Ron: Like what? Like finally having a real girlfriend?
Harry: no…
Ron: Ohhhhh, you mean like losing your vir—
Hermione: -hits Ron- NO. Like FRIENDSHIP, AND LOVE. … dumbass…
Ron: Well you didn't have to hit me….-secretly cherishes the spot where she hit him-
…
…
….
…
…
Brendon: WUT WUT WUT WUT BRITISH ACCENTS?
Sarah: wtf does this have to do with anything, Alicia!
Alicia: sh, let the emo speak.
Brendon: WUT WUT WUT WUT WUT.
Sarah: Delete it.
Alicia: No.
Snape: -pops outta no where- Whoa. That's one hot girl.
Ryan: IM NOT A GIRL.
Brendon: wuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuut…?
Ryan: shut it.
Brendon: bite me.
Alicia: -stifles her laughter-
Ryan: We aren't even in this fandom wtf?
Brendon: but I'm talking in a britsh accent…
Ryan: means jack shit.
Brendon: Ryan… you have a wand?
Ryan: -palmface-
Alicia: wut else could I write?
Sarah: JUST END THE FUCKING SCENE.
Alicia: wait…
Brendon: wut!
Alicia: kay im done… /scene.