Usopp woke with all his nerves on edge.
This was unusual: through all his countless thrilling adventures, he had never developed such a strong sense of danger that he was alert to it even while asleep, nor had he formed the habit of waking immediately, ready for whatever the world chose to throw at him.
It was only to be expected, considering he'd never needed this level of constant watchful awareness. Syrup Village was as safe as safe got, apart from the daily pirate attacks, and from the moment he'd left its familiar shores, he'd been protected by insanely strong and brilliant nakama. Plus the great thing about being a brave warrior of the sea was that at night, one could leave one's battles to the land, and retire to sleep in the safety of one's ship. The sea was vast, and the greatest warrior was, by comparison, so very infinitesimally tiny. The chances were small that, in all the great ocean, a boat would happen upon theirs, especially in the middle of the night. Usopp couldn't remember the last time he'd had to wake up quickly or die. No matter how stressful the adventures of the day, at night Usopp slept securely with his nakama, protected by Merry's watchful eyes, cupped in the gently turning tides of the ocean.
So why did he now lay suddenly, startling awake in his hammock? He was too jittery to stay still and too afraid to move. There was something off in the darkness around him. Instincts he didn't know he had set off all the alarm bells in his head, gibbering incoherently about some nebulous threat that it couldn't see but knew was out there. He didn't know what it was or what it wanted; all he knew was that if he so much as moved, or breathed, the world would come crashing down around his head, assuming it was still there and attached to his body for the world to crash down onto.
How could he defend himself and his nakama against this shadowed assailant? If only he knew what it was. Desperately he strained his ears, until he felt sure he had turned listening into an active skill that might leave marks on anything he happened to hear. Even so, he could discern no hint of terrifying monsters scrabbling in the darkness, no trace of dread fiends stalking across the room, swishing their blades through the air as test runs before delivering their final, fatal blow.
Gradually, Usopp calmed. Surely if the Going Merry was under attack, he would have heard it by now. If danger had boarded the asylum of their vessel, why would it wait so long to assert itself? Besides, and this was the most important thing, he really couldn't hold his breath any longer.
As he took long, deep breaths, the reality of his immediate surroundings asserted itself over whatever nightmare world he'd previously inhabited. The hammock felt so wonderfully familiar under his body. Tangled though it had gotten in his terror, the blanket was just as he remembered it, right up to the one edge that frayed into hopeless threads. Usopp reached a hand over his head and felt the fastenings that secured his hammock to the wall. He had fixed them himself when the old ones had failed, dumping him unceremoniously to the floor one painful night. He formed a picture in his mind of each makeshift link as his fingers traced their shapes in the darkness, and remembered the construction of it, the attachment.
Everything around him was normal, familiar. He was safe. He was where he should be. The world was—okay, the world was still pretty scary, but at least the part of it that was named Going Merry was good and safe and protected.
He felt his muscles all unclench at once, felt the relief pour through him in a wave. He'd laugh about this in the morning, though he wouldn't tell anyone. Imagine what they'd think if they knew that the Great Usopp-sama had let some stupid nightmare get him all worked up.
No, he wouldn't tell them. He'd just lie here, breathing softly, slowly, until sleep glided in to carry him away.
Except that, for some reason, he still couldn't fall asleep. There was still something different about his surroundings that, try as he might, he couldn't blame on leftover adrenaline.
More annoyed than afraid now, Usopp crossed his arms over his chest and gazed up at a ceiling he couldn't see. "It's quiet," he whispered dramatically to himself, "too quiet."
Cliché though it was, the catchphrase was a switch that turned on the proverbial light bulb. The glare was blinding.
Of course, Usopp thought, and resisted the urge to hit himself on the forehead. Zoro wasn't there. The room that should have been filled with snoring (or at least echoed with faint snores from outside, if the ever vigilant Zoro had pulled guard duty) was utterly silent. Without it, Usopp found, he couldn't sleep.
He was faintly bothered by this realization. Actually, strike that, he was downright irritated. As far as he knew, things like this only happened to married couples who had lived together so long that absence came with a distinct feeling of loss. In that sense, the pirates on the Going Merry were like one big married couple. He wondered if anyone else was lying awake listening for snores. He wondered if Nami, alone in her room as she hadn't been since Vivi joined, felt something missing.
If—no, when—when Zoro came back, Usopp was going to have a few words for him. "Dammit, Zoro," he would say, in the kind but authoritative voice of the morally superior, "How could you run off and leave us like that? Don't you realize that we're all one big married couple on this ship?"
Ah, yes, and then Zoro would be terribly repentant, and swear never to leave the Merry again. "Thank you, Usopp-sama, for showing me the error of my ways! I will take you as my example! I will always remember this lesson, and never… ever… throw my life away… into a stupid… underground… lake…"
Usopp put a hand over his eyes and willed himself to believe. Gradually, he became aware of a faint sound that hadn't been there previously. The monster? No, as far as scary monster sounds went, this one was distinctly unthreatening. In fact, it sounded like…
"Chopper?" Usopp sat up too suddenly, and the swaying hammock nearly dumped him out. He made his way cautiously over to Chopper, and saw that the little reindeer was smiling the widest, shakiest smile ever through a stream of tears.
"I believe in Robin and Zoro," Chopper whispered fiercely, still trying to maintain that trembling smile. "I believe in Luffy. I believe in our nakama."
The great Usopp was momentarily at a loss for words. Dammit, Zoro, he thought.
"It's just…" Chopper's mouth quivered against the tide of his tears, "why won't they come back already? I miss them. I want them back. I…"
Usopp searched furiously for a story in the depths of soul. He took a deep breath. "Have I ever told you about the time…" His mouth, which could run on autopilot for hours without any guidance from his brain, chose this moment to falter and fail. "It's the snoring, isn't it?"
Chopper nodded morosely. "And the way he turns over sometimes to talk to his katana, though he'll say he doesn't remember it in the morning. And I went outside just now and Robin wasn't there." This last sent Chopper into a fresh wave of tears.
The Great Captain Usopp thrives on challenges, Usopp told himself fiercely. He saves the day, every day. He saves the day three times a day, once with each meal, like medication. A little thing like this is nothing for him. He took a deep breath. "You know, Chopper, I was just about to go to my workshop."
"Your… workshop?"
"I'm working on a magnificent new invention! Why did you think I'd be up in the middle of the night? I call it—The Amazing Sleep Machine, by Usopp-sama."
"The Amazing Sleep Machine, by Usopp-sama?" Chopper sat up. Even without light, Usopp could tell that Chopper was excited. He glowed. He practically was a light.
"That's right," Usopp crowed (quietly, as not to wake Luffy). "As my most faithful assistant, how would you like to help me put on the finishing touches?"
"Really??"
"Shhh!" Usopp helped Chopper down. "Not so loud! We don't want everyone to know!"
Chopper eagerly agreed.
A hammer, scraps, and some quick work led to a box-like contraption with a long lever, a rolling counterweight, and two open slots. As the finishing touch, Usopp produced, with a flourish—
"Dials?" Chopper gasped.
"Tone Dials," Usopp corrected. "Now all we have to do is make the sound of Zoro snoring. Fortunately, I am an expert. Watch me. First, you have to make a big scowling face." Usopp used his fingers to push the tips of his eyebrows down.
"Does that make you sound more like him?" Chopper asked, fascinated.
"It helps you pretend to be Zoro. Now, you open your mouth really wide, like you're at the dentist." Usopp opened his mouth, took a deep gulp of air, and then exhaled it as loudly as he could, producing a sound that could easily have attracted any female wildebeests in the vicinity.
"That's not how Zoro sounds!" Chopper practically fell over giggling. "You sound like a moose!"
Usopp affected a deeply offended face. "I thought that was a perfectly good imitation," he said, thrusting his nose into the air, to more giggles. "Well if you're such an expert, why don't you do it?"
It took a few more minutes for Chopper to stop giggling, but he finally obliged. He puffed up one cheek and produced a surprisingly good imitation of Zoro's snoring for the Dial, though Usopp noted that Chopper also made sure he scowled while he was doing it.
"That was perfect, Chopper! Can you do it again for the other Dial?"
"You idiot! You think that'll make me happy?" Chopper made pleased wiggles with his body, and repeated his snore.
Usopp nodded in satisfaction. "Now we just put this here, and this here, adjust this, and push this…" The lever tilted to press the first Tone Dial. A ball rolled, a string was tugged, and the lever tipped over to press the other one. The process repeated over and over in a strangely hypnotic fashion, and the storage room was soon filled with a fair imitation of the sound of Zoro napping.
"Whoa, that's so great, Usopp!"
"That's why they call me Great Inventor Usopp," Usopp said, smugly. He picked the machine up and carried it back to their cabin. "The Dials even catch the sounds coming out of each other, so it can go on forever."
"Usopp, you're amazing!" Chopper cheered.
Sanji's head appeared over the edge of the crow's nest. "What's going on down there? Do I hear—?"
"Just a little invention of mine," Usopp stated, quite suavely, as Chopper opened the door for him. "Go back to watching."
He walked into the cabin and set his Amazing Sleeping Machine under Zoro's hammock before crawling into his own. He listened to the sound for some time. Though it had been intended as a quick distraction for Chopper and constructed in under an hour, Usopp was surprised to find that it really worked. Maybe he was just tired from all that excitement, he thought, as his eyelids drooped. He heard Luffy mumble something about meat before he finally fell asleep.
The next morning, Usopp sat on the deck for some time, thinking about what a nice breeze there was, now that they were sailing again, and how beautiful the weather, and how much Robin would probably have liked to be reading on the deck just then.
And so noon found Usopp arranging Robin's chair on the deck, and a small table by it. He put up an umbrella for shade, and stepped back to contemplate his work.
"Usopp, lunch—What are you doing?" Halfway out of the kitchen, Sanji stopped to stare.
"Oh, Sanji, perfect timing!" Usopp waved him over. "Could you do me a favor? Could you just do that thing you always do?"
"What thing?"
"Where you waltz over here with a drink on your tray," Usopp mimed holding a tray with a huge grin on his face, before dropping both tray and facial expression impatiently, "and you offer it to Robin while she's reading."
"Usopp." Sanji sounded very concerned. "Are you okay? Robin isn't—Do you want me to get Chopper?"
"No, no, just pretend. It's like the snoring—I mean, the Amazing Sleeping Machine, by Usopp-sama. It helped, didn't it?"
Sanji looked affronted, treating the suggestion as one might treat a particularly vicious soup stain on one's silk shirt.
"Well, it helped me, anyway," Usopp said. "Just to fill in the gaps while they're gone."
Sanji leaned in. "Usopp, this sort of thing really isn't healthy. Sometimes you have to let go."
"But it's not like they're never coming back," Usopp laughed with more confidence than he felt. "This is just a way to hold their places for them. You know? Keep their seat warm. That sort of thing."
Sanji looked supremely unconvinced, but he shrugged and said he'd see what he could do. A few minutes later, he pranced out of the kitchen bearing a tray with a tall drink beaded with condensation. Standing somewhat awkwardly by the chair set up, he tried, "Robin-chan, are you thirsty?" Then he looked questioningly at Usopp.
"Uh… okay," said Usopp. "Not bad. But where are all the hearts?"
"What hearts?"
"You know, whenever you do this, you have these… hearts." He curled thumb and forefinger on each hand into a half heart and put them together over his face.
"Usopp, are you sure you don't want me to get Chopper? Because—"
"Nami in a bikini!" Usopp called suddenly.
"Eh? What are you— Nami-san's bikini look is so wonderful!" Sanji gushed suddenly, nearly spilling the drink.
"See? Hearts!"
Sanji gave Usopp a strange look. "I have no idea what you're talking about. Look, you should really get some lunch before Luffy eats it all."
"Can you just try one more time?" Usopp asked. "Maybe try imagining Robin sitting there?"
With a sigh that said he was just humoring the poor delusional man, Sanji turned, and went down on one knee beside Robin's table. "Robin-chwaan! I brought you a—" He stopped, shook his head, and stood up apologetically. "This really isn't going to work. I'm sorry, Usopp."
"It's no problem," Usopp said, as he resumed staring at Robin's table and chair arrangement with a gloomy look on his face. "By the way, can I have that drink?"
After lunch, Usopp was sitting on the deck again with Chopper, who was translating the clicks and squeaks of a pod of dolphins traveling alongside their ship. There was a loud thump behind him, and Usopp jumped to attention. He turned to see that Sanji had dropped a long sack of potatoes on the stairs.
"What's this?" Usopp asked.
"Well, I couldn't really help you with Robin-chan, but this is all that idiot marimo does anyway." Sanji looked down at the potatoes for a moment, hand on his hip. "He does pick the worst places to nap, too." With a marker, Sanji drew Zoro a very unflattering face. He added a trail of drool and nodded to himself. Capping the marker, he gave Usopp a strange grin, and lit a cigarette.
At this, Nami emerged from the women's cabin with a book and one of Robin's hats. "Don't lose it," she cautioned, handing it to Usopp, and he took particular care to secure both in their place on the table and chair.
Chopper managed to find three poles, one of which still had a mop attached. He leaned these against the wall by Zoro, and the four of them looked on approvingly at their own handiwork for a moment.
Luffy emerged from the kitchen, having eaten every last scrap to be found on the table, and promptly tripped over the sack of potatoes.
Usopp hurried forward with an explanation forming on his lips, lest Luffy took it upon himself to eat Zoro in his starchy tuber form. The explanation wasn't needed though, as Luffy's eyes lit up in instant recognition. "Oh, Zoro!"
"It was the drool," Sanji smirked. "Dead giveaway."
"And Robin too," Luffy added, grinning. "This is great, guys. Hey, I know!" He rushed into the kitchen and returned with a sprig of parsley, which he had apparently not seen fit to consume earlier, though perhaps he had set it aside thanks to some strange foresight. He placed this on Zoro's crown and nodded with great self-satisfaction.
At least competing with Luffy in creative endeavors was familiar. Usopp found their paint cans in storage. He mixed Strawhat yellow with sky blue until he got the right shade of green, which he applied liberally to the top of Zoro's head, along with a much darker shade for detailing. It looked pretty good, if he did say so himself, and decided to add the waistband too, while he was at it.
After some consideration, he decided to leave the parsley. It went well with the face.
"I'm going to see if I can find that marimo-head some mold for his hair." Grinning, Sanji headed for the kitchen, but stopped dead at the door. Usopp couldn't imagine what the cook saw inside, but seeing how he'd left Luffy alone in the galley for over five minutes, it was probably, at the very least, quite clean.
"LUFFY!"
The Going Merry sailed on.