Yes, this is not a trick - I've FINALLY updated (after I forget how many months of making you guys wait, AGAIN - forgive the lateness). I don't have time to explain the many reasons why I've been so tardy in the updating of this fic, but rest assured, I'll tell you all when I return on the 10th of August. Anyway, read on and enjoy, I say! n.n
V
He melts into her, losing himself in her scent, letting go of whatever decimated internal restraints might remain. He feels a slight shift, a warm breeze against his face, the feel of her drawing him close to her bosom. Vaguely, his shattered mind registers that she has stood and is winging the two of them out of this realm of eternal night. Around him, the air currents gossip among themselves as her silken wings bear them on, ever onward….
He doesn't take much notice though – he can't. In the aftershock of his mercifully short episode of bloodlust, a good many doors in his mind have been slammed shut – and some of them bolted as well. Greedy, slobbering things scratch and mewl at some of these, trying to break through these mental roadblocks…but to no avail. His body is well aware of the dangers that lie in such an unguarded place, and has taken whatever steps necessary to thwart the marauding devils. For now, his mind – and more importantly, his sanity – remains intact.
But…wait a moment….
Light now…. Daylight?
…No. Too bright…too pure for that, no, this…this is Heaven's light. Or close to it anyway. Something akin to a throwback reflection, only instead of the sun, he feels something like a warm blanket surround him – soft and silky and strangely familiar. He presses closer to it, moving by instinct alone now. He tries to look, wants to see who's holding him…but ah, his eyes, the lids feel heavy, so very heavy and he can't open them, much as he wants to. He's just so tired. A scent snakes its way through the muddied mess of smoke and sulfur that lingers, sticking in his muzzle like a demonic spiritual booger…his nose twitches. Roses…. Another twitch…the faintest of sniffs.No…not just roses…something else…sweet and musky, like the smell of a good memory…Lilacs?
"M…Mmm…" his tongue feels as thick and useless as a piece of shag carpet; tastes like it too. He tries again. "M…Momma…?" He can't think; his lips move, forming the first word that comes stumbling out of that God-awful mind-mist like a drunken sailor on leave and deep in his cups.
A rustle of wings, silken feathers against his brow, there and gone almost before he can register the touch, strong arms cradling him, one hand at his back, the other wrapped protectively around his waist. Fur against his face, the scent of Lilacs filling his nose, driving out that malign otherworldly odor. He presses closer still to the being that holds him like a babe, sensing that if he can stay here, just keep holding onto her…everything will be all right.
His bloody, dirty fingers clutch weakly, burying themselves in a soft pelt as his mouth moves again. "…Momma…i-is it…?" His throat hurts, burns like a wildfire and suddenly there is a strong taste of copper in his mouth as blood dribbles down his chin like thick syrup.
Another rustle of feathers, the hand at his back starting to move now, rubbing gently, lovingly. "…Yes, dear…you're safe." Voice soft in his ears, driving the mist back further still.
"I…I wanna…g-go h-home." Hot, liquid fire burns his eyes as he tries to get closer, burying his face against her in his moment of child-like desperation. "…P…Please, M-momma…" Voice muffled by fur, essence of Lilacs filling his nose, taste of copper strong in his mouth. "…I wu…wanna g-go home."
"Shh…shh…" The hand slides over his back, rubbing between his shoulder blades as she begins to gently rock him back and forth, her soothing voice murmuring gently in his ears. "…I know…I know you do…" Furry lips against his brow, the cool tip of a moist nose poking into his hair as a hot tear or two tumbles down her cheeks and into his fur. "…But I can't… it's not time yet…we're not ready for you…."
A shiver tumbles through him, shaking his body like jell-o. "I…can't see…" A sob, low and hoarse like an old man's, grip tightening slightly as tears of terror start to cascade down his face. "I…I'm afraid of the dark, Momma…m-make it go away…please…m-m-make it g-go away…."
The arm about his waist moves to support his legs drawing him closer, body reclining against hers, the hand at his back moving up to cup his face, the touch sending a ripple of pleasure through him. "…Ash…" The fingers move up to brush gently at the hair lying against his forehead, seeming to take with it some of the feverish heat he feels baking off his brow as it passes. "…I want you to open your eyes…."
"…I can't."
The wings close around him, holding him closer still. "Yes, you can…" Her hand slides under his chin, tilting his face up to hers. He feels a blast of hot air before her lips press against his briefly, transmuting some of her strength into him. "Open your eyes, dear heart…you can do it. I believe in you…"
For a moment more, he doesn't think he can, even with her support…it's just too much. Then, slowly, the lids roll back, exposing a blur of colors that run together like badly mixed paint. He shudders, thinks to close his eyes again, when he feels her lips press against his again…and things start to change. Slowly, the ugly mass resolves itself, hues separating into distinct blotches that slowly start to form recognizable shapes. Outlines form and depth increases…and soon, he is looking up at her with his blood-bolted face and haunted POW's eyes. He licks his lips, more blood spilling over his chin and down his front as he tries to speak.
"C…Central?" He blinks, looking up at her, taking in the reality of her presence.
"…Central." Now tears begin to course down his cheeks once more as the memories come back to him in a nightmare tide of gore-spattered images of blood and desecration.
"…C-Central…!" His voice breaks into a jagged treble of horror and grief, shoulders beginning to shake as his breathing grows ragged and he presses himself against her, sobbing hoarsely, completely broken.
Her arms move, circling around him as her wings follow suit and she draws him closer, trying desperately to comfort him, doing all in her power to calm the tidal flow of his sorrow. His head presses against her chest and his ears are assaulted with the rapid 'thud, thud, thud,' of her wild heart as she nuzzles his cheek.
"Shh…shh…it's okay…it's okay…" Her voice soft and soothing in his ears brings a hint of coherency to his state of mind and he finds himself at last able to form at least a few words with his thick tongue.
"I…I…K-Kan-n-ne…h-he…he…." He shudders violently, voice still quaking.
"Shh… It's all right, Ashley…you're safe now…." She plants a tender kiss against his burning brow, her scent thick and intoxicating. "He's not here…but I am." The feel of a brief, yet passionate kiss against his furry lips, a surge of unnamed power pouring into him, silken hands burying themselves in his fur as she comforts him. "I won't let him hurt you anymore…I'll protect you…."
He tries to speak, chokes and coughs violently. Blood stains her dress. "I…I k-killed h-him-m…."
"No."
"…Y-yes…."
"No, please believe me, you didn't. I swear it on His love."
A pause as he simply lies there, processing this newest development, his face still buried in her fur. Then: "…B-but I…I k-killed them…." He shudders, his tears beginning to flow faster now as his sorrow takes hold once more. "…I…I…I…"
She hugs him, stroking a hand through his hair, rubbing gently at his back again even as she weeps, silent tears rolling slowly down her cheeks. She begins to rock him gently back and forth, back and forth, singing to him in a voice sweeter than any mortal's ever could be. Slowly he begins to quiet, his tears slowly fading to mere whimpers then to a steady, slightly labored breathing. He trembles a few times, and this too ceases. For a long time, he lies against her, listening to the melody she slips into his tattered ears then finally finds the strength to speak.
"…It's…it's all t-true…isn't it…?"
A beat of almost intolerable silence then, reluctantly and with a sorrow even greater than his; "…Yes."
"I…I killed…killed them all? The….the women?" A shaky inhalation followed by a watery exhalation. "The…the ch-children…?"
A pause as he feels her trying to maintain her control, even as her tears continue to cascade down on him from above. "…Yes…."
Long moments of considering silence, the roses around them silent, filling the air with their fragrant, pleasing aroma. Then: "I…I killed him b…before…didn't I?" A pause as he swallows, throat working as he visibly tries to hold it all together. "Before…I died…the first time."
"Yes."
Another of those shaky, watery breathes. He wants to ask her why, to ask what in the name of God would drive him to such unspeakable lengths of depravity as to murder so many in cold blood…but what's the point? He already knows the answer…did he not see it with his own eyes? "Why didn't…you tell m-me…?"
Silence from her, but that's all right. It's nothing but another stupid question on his part, anyway. He already knows the answer, just as he knows she serves a master higher than all of existence. He has realized something else too; he finally knows how he knew her…knew her from the moment he saw her for the first time, here, in this very field of heavenly design.
He swallows and there is an audible click in his throat. "I…I don't un…understand…. If I…w-was in H-Hell…how d-did I…?"
"You repented and He forgave you, Ash." She nuzzles him again, licking his cheek, her tail twitching, betraying her nerves.
He finally looks up at her with his raw, red eyes and dirty, tear and blood-streaked face. "…How…?" A tear rolls down his cheek. "How…could He? Wha…what I did…" he shakes his head, ears splaying as another tear or two stains his already matted cheeks. "How c-could He…forgive me?"
"Love." Her hand moves from his hair to his cheek, gently running her fingers through his fur. "He loves you, Ashley…more than I or anyone else can ever say."
He looks away, the usual light burning in his eyes now reduced to a smoldering roach. "I…I don't deserve it…I don't deserve His Love…I don't deserve Heaven…." His face twists in a look of self-loathing. "N…Not after what I've d-done…."
Her silken wings enfold the two of them as she holds him close again, tipping his head up, forcing him to meet her eyes. "Ash…Ash, please, look at me…." Slowly, he raises his head, his eyes locking with hers. "All the innocent blood you spilled and the lives you took cannot be held against you, not now, not ever – for God has already shown He believes in your repentance and salvation by allowing you to return to earth a second time." She kisses his cheek, licking away his tears. "He loves you so very much….and you've shown your loyalty to Him by bearing so much in His name…."
His hands, slimy with blood, clutch weakly at her, arms wrapping around her neck. A shudder racks his tortured body. "…K…Kane's r-right th-though…I…I h-haven't c-changed since then…" He coughs violently again. More blood stains her dress. He looks up at her, bloodshot eyes raw with sorrow, throat scorched by the fire burning in the blood running down the back of it. "F-first Terk…now him…j-just like I k-killed all of them all those y-years ag-go…." He looks away, face crumpling in self-loathing.
"Ash…"
Another cough, less painful, but still bloody. "I…I don't know why I…it…it just happened." He swallows, feeling her trying to ease the pain and grief seeping from his fur like a noxious mist.
"Ashley…" Gently, she turns his haggard face back to hers so he can meet her eyes. "…Tell me something…why did you do what you did when you went to the market with Charity that day eight years ago?"
He swallows, tries to speak, but the words won't come – his vocal cords are simply too badly damaged. He tries again, but to no affect. He tries one final time to answer, and this time, the words come to him. "I…I attacked Terk…because he was going to…to rape that otteress to death if he'd…had his way…and I…I couldn't let that happen."
She nods, a demure smile spreading across her lovely face. "That's it exactly. Ash, that day you were driven to act for the sake of another, regardless of the great threat your actions posed on your own life. Your aim was never to kill Terk, only to keep him from causing more pain than he already had." She kisses his forehead and draws him closer, her chin now resting atop his head. "Despite what that Demon might've said to the contrary, that is not the way of a fur with evil in his heart." Her delicate soot-colored hand rests against his head, fingers taming the tangled rat's nest of his hair.
"…That's…that's not the way it was…with Kane…." He whimpers, tail tucking between his legs, his tattered ears splaying in shame. He risks a glance up at her before looking away again. "…I…I'm not stupid…I know if you hadn't come…" he swallows, his voice hitching in his throat. "I…I would've b-beaten him to…to a b-bloody pulp…"
"Yes, you would have…but you didn't." Her voice is soft, comforting, lips brushing against his ear as her other hand goes to work rubbing and massaging his back once more, spreading that wonderful warming sensation throughout his body.
"…Only because you stopped me…."
"Ash…" gently, the hand at his head slides under his legs, pulling him onto her lap before moving back up under his chin to tip his head upwards slightly so he can look her in the face. "…Do you think Kane is a weak monstrosity?"
He gives his head a little shake, for even he knows that those who serve the Serpent have their own tainted powers just as she and those like her have theirs.
"Then don't you think that if he'd wanted to stop you from beating him, he could have?" She smiles tenderly down at him as she watches the light click on in his head. "He showed you what he did to hurt you, Ash. He knew that by exposing you to all the evil you'd done so long ago, he could drive you into a corner and force you to revert to your most basic of instincts – survival. He wound you up like a bear trap and then pushed you until you bit, hoping that, in the depths of your rage and grief, you would commit the one act that would have the slightest chance of driving you away from His arms before it was too late – murder."
He looks up at her, seeing the wisdom in her words and knowing they ring true even before he has time to really think about what she's saying; yet a shred of doubt remains with him nonetheless. "…But, Central…it worked…he won…." He looks away, tears once again beginning to spill down his face as his doubt begins to grow once more. "I…I did it…I was going to kill him." He looks up at her, face fraught with despair. "…How c-can I tell others of His teachings…if I can't e-even follow them myself in either l-life…?"
She hugs him tighter, leaning her head down and licking the salty tears from his cheeks again even as she sheds one or two of her own for him. "Ash…the Son didn't go to earth to save those who were already saved and He doesn't choose perfect people to do His work…. Evil is a powerful enemy only so long as you allow it to use your shame against you…and already in the time we've been here, its power has grown weaker and weaker…. All you need do is ask for forgiveness as you have so many times before and you will truly be free of Kane's last scrap of influence."
She kisses him once more, pressing her warm, furry lips against his, healing whatever she can as she pours all her undying love into his body. He gives in, sucking down all she has to give, relishing the taste of her, the feel of her silky fur against his own, the sudden, pure, white-hot energy he can feel flooding into him. He pulls away, looking up at her, a little of the old light burning in his eyes again. His lips twitch in the ghost of a smile.
"…I did…and He has relieved me."
He sits up a bit, feeling stronger, the dizzying feverish heat slowly leaving his body, his aching muscles relaxing as he moves so that she does not have to bear the whole burden of his weight – though he knows it is no real burden at all to one such as she. She returns his smile, stroking his tattered ears, relief and indescribable joy radiating from her creamy coat. His smile grows a bit, becoming a genuine display as he feels a sudden weight lift from his shoulders…only to be replaced by a strange feeling of exhaustion. Slightly puzzled, but not alarmed in the least, he leans against her as he feels himself slowly beginning to drift off…yet there is one last thing he needs to ask….
"…Central…Where is she…Where is my…?"
She lays a finger against his lips, shushing him gently. "Don't worry, Ashley…you will see her again soon."
"…How…?" he starts to ask, but it just seems like too much effort and he barely has the strength to keep his eyes open, much less finish the question.
"Shh…rest now…."
He nods, surrendering at last to the overcoming feeling of absolute contentment that beckons him down into the depths of a blessedly dreamless sleep. He smiles dreamily up at her, his hand finding hers and gripping, feeling his love and gratitude for her burn within him.
"Thank you…for everything…."
She plants a final kiss on his brow and begins to rock him gently back and forth as his eyes finally slip closed again and he drifts away, her final words following him in a whisper of silken wings.
"…Soon, Ashley…soon…. You're almost home."
Author's Note: Well, there it is - Part 5. All in all, even after going over this, I still think I could've done better...but, like always, that's probably just me. Your opinions are the only ones that matter as far as this goes, after all! . So tell me...how did I do?