Disclaimer: If I owned anything… oh wow. Maybe then I wouldn't be plotting Grissom's imminent demise. Which I am. Anyone want to help?

AN: My mother is truly wonderful. She stood in the line in front of Best Buys for thirteen hours to buy one of my older brothers a Wii. Come on, how awesome is that?

AN2: Something I'd like to point out… even though it will probably get me killed. Catherine actually does care about Max. Sorry, but she does. Her feelings for Sara are still sort of… dormant. So… yeah.

"You and Wendy should start a club."

I look over at Greg and glare. He just grins back.

"What? 'Emo Brunettes Who Want Max Dead' doesn't sound like a fun group to you? I think it's a wonderful idea!"

I sigh despairingly and turn back to my paperwork. Thirteen minutes and forty-three seconds without a single thought of Catherine… gone.

"Well, no, that title wouldn't work. I think Sofia also wants to kill Max since Wendy's all depressed now. Hm… I bet that if we started a petition-"

"Greg, shut up! I'm actually trying to work here!"

He sticks his tongue out at me. What is up with him today? Normally, I don't mind when he goes back to being his old, hyper lab rat self, but at the moment it isn't really helping anyone.

"And I'm trying to get you to talk with me. Do you have any idea how boring you've been lately? I'm starting to really worry about you, Sara."

I blink at him and turn away. I really don't want Greg to give me another pep talk right now. All they do is get my hopes up for nothing. Catherine is obviously very happy with Max, and obviously wants nothing to do with me.

Shouldn't I be the one in denial here? Not Greg? Not that he really sees it as denial… he thinks of it as looking at the 'situation' more positively.

What I don't get is he can write this off as a simple 'situation'.

Bezich- that damn night club manager bastard who actually had the nerve to cheat on Catherine- was a 'situation'.

Max is a girlfriend.

A girlfriend Catherine really seems to care about. A girlfriend who cares enough about Catherine to come to her workplace and bring flowers.

No one else has ever done that for Catherine- treated her the way she deserves. At least, not since my time in Vegas.

It really hurts that I can't be the one doing that for her. But…

She's happy.

No… more than that. She's constantly glowing.

I can be happy for her. I can. I always knew that nothing would ever come of my feelings for her.

I want her to be happy. She is.

It shouldn't matter to me who makes her glow like that. She's happier, more content than I've ever seen her.

"Are you even listening to me Sara?"

I turn back to Greg and try to smile.

I can deal with this. As long as she's happy…

Lying to myself certainly is a talent of mine.

I'm going to try and stay sober tonight. That might actually be a bit of a challenge, considering how much alcohol I've consumed since I found out about Max.

I really don't have a problem with alcohol, it's just one of the easiest legal ways to mute my 'me issues'.

It's better than some of the things I've resorted to in the past, at least.

Just thinking about those other methods makes an uncomfortable shiver run down my spine, and my wrists start to burn.

Maybe I should have taken Greg up on his offer to stay with him. Being alone with my demons has never ended in anything good.

I sigh and collapse into my couch. I'm starting to regret my decision to skip overtime in favor of coming home. At least at work I'd be able to focus on something besides how miserable I am.

For a second, I consider calling Wendy for a group moping session, but I quickly dismiss that thought. As much as I like Wendy, I don't think I can handle talking to yet another person who's attracted to her.

Greg doesn't count- I think he appreciates all good looking women.

My heart jumps as I think of the good looking woman I'd like to be with right now.

Just thinking about her is enough to send me into a nervous sweat. Damn, I've got it bad.

This is ridiculous. Her being with someone else shouldn't make my feelings for her stronger. If anything, they should be easier to ignore.

But they aren't. At work, I've discovered that, despite every effort to push my feelings for Catherine out of my head, I can't stop myself from blushing every time she so much as enters a room.

If I were any more obvious, Grissom would probably notice. Nick's just confused by my behavior at the moment, but Warrick seems to have caught on.

Catherine probably knows if Warrick knows. They're very close friends. Of course, I doubt it would make a difference to her if I didn't approach her. She's probably very used to people holding some sort of unrequited feelings for her. I don't think anyone is immune to her charms.

Once, at a crime scene, I actually caught sight of a married woman (standing next to her equally gaping husband) checking Catherine out.

Of course, really, who wouldn't want a chance to date Catherine? No one sane, that's for sure. She has got to be the most gorgeous woman in the entire world.

Max certainly sees that.

Damn it. So close. So close to being able to daydream peacefully about Catherine. Then Max had to interrupt my musings. Wonderful.

My earlier thinking about being able to live with it as long as Catherine's happy is practically in shreds. I love her so much, it physically hurts to think about her with anyone else.

Not being able to really express it is killing me. Along with a few other things.

I want nothing more than to take her out on dates; kiss her softly; gently make love to her.

Knowing that I might have actually had a chance to do those things before Max… God. It's too painful for words to think that I might have lost a chance I never knew I had.

No… no. She would never love someone like me, no matter what sex she's attracted to. I didn't lose anything… You can't really lose what you don't have in the first place…

None of that really helps.

My heart still breaks a little more every time I think about her with Max.