Johnny and I were sitting on the old car seat that was abandoned years ago. I know what he wants and I of course know why. Johnny has been my best friend since I was four, I've told him everything sometimes without saying anything. That was our relationship we understood each other without words and I wouldn't trade it for the world. "I'm fine Johnny so don't ask." I started. "No you're not." Gosh I didn't know he could be so stubborn. "Yes I am." I repeated. "Quit lyin' man"
I really didn't want to do this. "I'm not lying to you." I said turn to face him. "Not me, you're lying to yourself." Maybe I am. "I'm not lying at all" That wasn't convincing at all. "Ponyboy I want to help you so please just tell me." I knew if Johnny had his heart or his mind set on something he wasn't going to give up easily. That's how he learned. "It's nothing." I whisper, tears welling up in my eyes their voices echoing in my head. 'How's that huh? Feel good?"
"Come on buddy, I know you and I know there is something really wrong with you." Johnny pleads, "I don't want you to hurt." 'Sure is a pretty greaser. Nice legs too.' I felt someone's cold hand trailing up my calf to my inner thigh then to my…
"Pony calm down." I guess I started breathing faster or something 'cause Johnny's hand was on my back telling me to clam down. 'Geez greaser calm down, it'll hurt less I promise.' "Ponyboy c'mon man calm down, it's okay."
I didn't hear him all I hear was the voices in my hear replaying the worst day in my entire life. I wanted it to stop I wanted it all to stop. They wouldn't go away they hurt me so much not just physically but mentally/emotionally. I needed help, I needed Johnny to help me, I need my brothers to help me. I can't do this by myself.
"Stop!" I yell out loud. Johnny looked scared I couldn't blame him. His brown eyes were wide when he took his hand back. I pulled my knees into my chest making myself a tight ball I wrapped my arms around myself and started rocking. 'He's the one with the brothers ain't he' One of them said. 'Yup' another agreed. 'The oldest is twenty but Sodacan is only sixteen. And he works at that gas station with the Randle kid.' Not Soda please not him. 'Guess your friends and brothers can't help you now.'
"Ponyboy" Johnny sits in front of me still looking scared. He puts his hands on my mine and I stop rocking and look him in the eye. "I'm begging you to tell me what happened to you. You don't have to be scared anymore." Now my tears are falling freely and landing on my shirt. I take in a deep breath praying he won't hate me. "Yesterday after practice… some socs" I take in a deep breath and close my eyes. "Some socs raped me." I'm not surprised at how young my voice sounds. "Oh Pony." Johnny gasped. I open my eyes when his arms encircle me in a hug.
I don't flinch I don't pull away; I just let him hold me. To tell the truth it feels good to have someone hold me. Last night I pushed Soda's arm off me he didn't anything about it but I know I hurt him. "I'm sorry Johnny." He pulled back and looked me in the eyes. "It's not your fault, so don't go thinking it is. You didn't do anything wrong." I actually believe him.
"You wanna go back home." I simply nod my head and wipe away the tears. I'm glad Johnny is here, 'cause I really couldn't do this alone.