How NOT to be Inconspicuous
Jack Sparrow is doing his best to look awesome. It's working quite well until the camera pans out and we see that not only is he in a dinghy, but that it's leaking. He sees some pirates who got on Norrington's bad side.
Jack: Suckers.
Jack climbs back on the mast and rides the sinking dinghy to the docks. He has, on purpose, timed this perfectly so that he can step right from the mast onto the dock.
Jack is stopped by Samuel E. Brunswick, the tax collector.
Samuel E. Brunswick: Halt!
Jack halts.
Brunswick: It's a shilling to...
Brunswick glances at the ship, whose mast is the only thing visible above the surface of the water.
Brunswick: It's a shilling to sink your boat at the dock.
Jack has a feeling that it isn't.
Brunswick: And I need to know your name.
Jack: Lies. How about a bribe?
Jack drops three shillings into Brunswick's hand.
Brunswick: I still need to know your name.
Jack: What is it with you people? Call me... I don't care, Bob or something.
Brunswick: Welcome to Port Royal, Bob or something.
Jack steals Brunswick's money, then walks into Port Royal, strutting as if he owns the place. What he doesn't know is that Almost-Commodore Norrington also thinks he owns the place.
Jack heads down to the docks, which are being guarded by two intellectuals by the names of Murtogg and Mullroy. Jack tries to act nonchalant, but unfortunately, he appears very chalant to the two guards.
Murtogg: Just a moment there, you. These docks are off-limits to civilians.
Jack: My bad. If I see any, you'll be the first to know.
Jack attempts to walk around the two guards, but they make an expert maneuver and block his path.
Jack: Apparently there's some sort of wild party going on up in the courtyard. How could two party animals such as yourselves bear to pass it up?
Murtogg scoffs.
Murtogg: Party animals, us? Hardly. We would much rather spend our valuable time pursuing the respectable endeavor of keeping this dock off limits to civilians.
Jack frowns for a moment, deciphering this.
Jack: Well, good luck with that…
Jack tries to get around the two guards again, this time in the other direction. Once again, the guards are too swift to allow him to pass.
Jack: I gotta say, if I were the Interceptor, I'd feel like an afterthought compared to that awesome beasty ship over there.
Murtogg: The Dauntless is the power in these waters, true enough. But none can surpass the Intercepter for speed.
Jack: Lies. My money's on the Black Pearl.
Mullroy: All right, mister, play mind games if you will. But there is no real ship that can match the Intercepter for speed.
Murtogg: Oh, but the Black Pearl is certainly real enough.
Mullroy: You jest.
Murtogg: I do not. I have seen it.
Mullroy: You've seen the Black Pearl, you say?
Murtogg: Yes.
Mullroy: You've seen a ship with black sails, that's crewed by the damned and captained by a man so evil that hell itself spat him back out?
Murtogg: Well, I can hardly say much for certain as pertaining to the captain and crew, but I have seen a ship with black sails.
Mullroy: With that as your only evidence, you can logically conclude that it could not have possibly been any ship other than the Black Pearl? Is that what you are asking me to believe?
Murtogg: I suppose it is a preposterous notion, now that you mention it.
Jack rolls his eyes, then slips away while the intellectuals continue their intellectual argument.
Mullroy: Of course it is preposterous. Like I said, there is no real ship that can surpass the Interceptor for...
Murtogg and Mullroy notice that Jack is missing. They turn and see him standing behind the wheel of the Intercepter.
Murtogg: Excuse me, you!
Mullroy: You do not possess authorization to be aboard this ship!
Jack: Um...
Murtogg: What is your name, mister?
Jack: Bob. Or Bobby, if you prefer. Named for me uncle. He was a…
Mullroy: What is your purpose in Port Royal, Bob?
Murtogg: And please spare us the tireseome lies.
Jack: All right, I confess. I have come to make Commodore Norrington look silly by stealing his favorite boat, then sail it to Tortuga for some real fun.
Murtogg: I believe I specifically asked you to spare us the tiresome lies.
Mullroy: As extraordinary as it may seem, I believe he was telling the truth.
Murtogg: Hardly. He is quite obviously a criminal. Criminals are known to be habitual liars, and if this were the truth, he would not have told it to us.
Jack: Unless, of course, he knew you wouldn't believe the truth even if he told it to you.
This statement is too baffling even for the intellectuals to comprehend without further deliberation, so the three of them sit down to discuss logic, ethics, and mathematics over a cup of tea.
Revised edition 2011!