Daring Escape, Dumb Luck, or the Military's Bad Aim?
Jack Sparrow is sitting on the Interceptor with the two intellectuals, Murtogg and Mullroy.
Jack: ...and then I found five dollars.
Elizabeth splashes into the water. Jack, Murtogg, and Mullroy hurry to the side of the ship.
Jack: You wanna get that?
Mullroy: I can't swim.
Murtogg: I could never permit myself to engage in such savage activites. I can't swim either.
Jack rolls his eyes.
Jack: And the navy hired you... why?
Mullroy: Because we have genius IQ's.
Jack: Epic fail.
Jack hands Murtogg and Mullroy his coat, pistol, hat, sword, compass, and effects.
Jack: Don't lose these.
Jack dives off the side of the ship and pulls Elizabeth to the surface. Her dress, however, has other ideas, and attempts to pull the two of them back down under the water. So Jack takes the dress off and then has better luck completing his heroic rescue. He lays her down on the dock.
Mullroy: Oh dear, she appears to be in a state of respiratory arrest...
Jack rolls his eyes and cuts Elizabeth's corset off. Elizabeth coughs and spits out water.
Murtogg: That course of action never would have occurred to me.
Jack: Then obviously you lied about having been to Singapore.
Jack notices the medallion around Elizabeth's neck.
Jack: Where did you get that?
Norrington and Governor Swann appear. Norrington draws his sword and points it at Jack's face.
Norrington: Stand up, you perv.
Governor Swann puts his coat around Elizabeth.
Governor Swann: Are you all right?
Elizabeth: Yeah, no thanks to your stupid corset.
Governor Swann: Er... oops.
Governor Swann sees Murtogg holding Elizabeth's corset. Murtogg points to Jack.
Governor Swann: Shoot him!
Elizabeth: Father, are you seriously going to let the Commodore kill my rescuer?
Norrington: Fine. I suppose I should thank you for saving Elizabeth's life.
Norrington extends his hand. Jack hesitates, then shakes Norrington's hand. Norrington pulls up Jack's sleeve and reveals the pirate brand on Jack's wrist.
Norrington: Well, hey. What do we have here?
Jack: My... arm?
Norrington: Wrong answer.
Governor Swann: Hang him!
Norrington: Gillette, fetch me some irons.
Gillette: Yes, sir. Right away, Commodore Norrington, sir! Oh, I do love the way your new title sounds.
Norrington: The irons...
Gillette: Sorry, sir, on my way, sir!
Gillette salutes. Norrington rolls his eyes in a very proper British manner and pulls Jack's sleeve up farther.
Norrington: Jack Sparrow, I presume.
Jack: That's Captain Jack Sparrow to you, matey.
Norrington: And your ship is... where?
Jack: Hiding from your face.
Murtogg: He said he had intentions to comandeer one.
Mullroy: Ah, so it seems I was correct in my assumption that he was being truthful.
Mullroy hands Norrington Jack's effects.
Mullroy: These are his personal items, sir.
Norrington inspects Jack's pistol.
Norrington: No additional shots or powder...
Jack: I didn't want to have an unfair advantage over you and your army.
Norrington looks at the compass.
Norrington: A compass that doesn't point North...
Jack: Better than your sense of direction, I'm sure.
Jack peeks at the compass and notices that it is pointing at Elizabeth. Jack snickers. Nobody else understands why. Norrington unsheathes Jack's sword.
Norrington: And I half expected it to be made of wood.
Jack: Haha, fooled you.
Norrington: You are most definitely the worst pirate I have ever heard of.
Jack: Well, at least you have heard of me.
Gillette returns and puts shackles on Jack's wrists.
Elizabeth: Screw pirates, this man saved my life!
Norrington: Whatever.
Gillette moves over to stand next to Norrington. He strikes a pose that is supposed to look tough and intimidating. Jack rolls his eyes.
Jack: Are you for real?
Jack throws his shackles around Elizabeth's neck.
Governor Swann: Don't shoot!
Random Soldier: I wasn't gonna, geesh.
Jack: I knew you'd learn to like me! Commodore Norrington, my effects, please. And my hat!
Norrington holds out Jack's effects. And his hat.
Jack: Now, Elizabeth.
Elizabeth glares at Jack.
Jack: What? It is Elizabeth, isn't it?
Elizabeth: It's Miss Swann.
Jack: Well, whoever you are, if you would be so kind...
Elizabeth takes Jack's things and fastens them back onto him, which involves wrapping her arms around him.
Jack: That's right, Norrington. Be jealous.
Norrington: Oh, I am, don't worry.
Elizabeth: Screw pirates.
Jack: Hey, you owed me. Now we're square.
Jack turns Elizabeth around to face the crowd as he begins to slowly back away.
Jack: Gentlemen, milady... This is the day that you will always remember as the day that you almost caught Captain Jack Sparrow!
Jack shoves Elizabeth into Norrington's arms, then makes his daring escape. The soldiers fire at him, but their aim is worse than your grandma's arthritis, and they miss.
Revised edition 2011!