Who Needs Planning When You've Got Leverage?
The next morning. Will wakes up in the middle of the street with a massive headache compliments of getting bonked. He is about to ask for aspirin, but then he remembers it hasn't been invented yet. Will finds Norrington, who is being really useful and staring at a random map.
Norrington is cranky for several reasons. One, because he screwed up his proposal to Elizabeth. Two, because Elizabeth has been kidnapped and he didn't get to do a heroic rescue act. Three, because he didn't sleep last night. And four, because while he wasn't sleeping, he was getting shot at by pirates.
Will: Elizabeth has been kidnapped!
Norrington: I know that, you moron. Go away.
Murtogg attempts to remove Will, but Will resists.
Will: We have to save Elizabeth!
Norrington: No duh. That's what I'm doing.
Will: No you're not. You're staring at a map. Is the map going to save Elizabeth?
Mapmaker: Don't diss the map.
Will: We have to do something!
Governor Swann: Do you have any ideas?
Will: No, but neither does the Commodore.
Norrington: Shut up.
Murtogg: If I remember correctly, the pirate Jack Sparrow spoke of a ship called the Black Pearl.
Mullroy: If you ask me...
Norrington: We didn't.
Mullroy: In a hypothetical situation where you did ask me, then, I would say that the pirate's mention of the Black Pearl was more of a casual passing comment, then actually speaking of it at length.
Will: So ask him where it is! Bribe him or something. He could lead you to it!
Norrington: No. The cretins who ruined my fort...
Governor Swann: Your fort? It's my fort, thank you.
Norrington: You are a figurehead. I run this place.
The Governor pouts.
Governor Swann: We'll discuss this later.
Norrington: Anyway, the pirates left Sparrow locked up in his cell. They're not his allies.
Will: Your point...?
Norrington: Sparrow's enemies would hardly tell him where they are going. We, on the other hand, will establish their most likely course...
Will slams his hatchet through the map, where it sticks in the table.
Mapmaker: No... My beautiful map... ruined...
Will: Oh, fabulous! You're going to just randomly sail around the ocean. That sounds effective.
Norrington: Will, you suck. I mean, you are a blacksmith. And you're also my competition, so I hate you. Go away.
Norrington pulls the hatchet out of the table and hands it to Will.
Norrington: And you'll be paying for that table.
Mapmaker: And the map!
Will: Whatever.
Will leaves, and goes to visit Jack. Jack hears Will coming and acts like he was not just picking the lock. The chicken bone in the lock should've been a dead giveaway, but Will has other things on his mind.
Will: You, Sparrow.
Jack: Didn't the guard tell you visiting hours are over?
Will: What guard? Oh, you mean that corpse in the corner?
Jack: Oh. Never mind, then. What do you want?
Will: Are you familiar with the ship, the Black Pearl?
Jack: Maybe.
Will: Where does it make berth?
Jack: Isla de Muerta.
Will: Where's that?
Jack: Somewhere.
Will: A little more specificity would be helpful.
Jack: It's an island that cannot be found, except by those who already know where it is.
Will: That doesn't make any sense.
Jack: I didn't write the story, I just say the lines.
Will: Well, the ship's real enough, and its cannonballs are real enough. And whatever hit me over the head was real enough. The ship's anchorage must be a real place.
Jack: You don't say.
Will: Where is it?
Jack: How should I know?
Will: Because you're a pirate.
Jack: Oh! And you'd like to become my apprentice?
Will: Not even sort of.
Pause.
Will: They took Elizabeth.
Jack: Oh, so you have found yourself a girl after all! She must be desperate. Well, if you're hoping to valiantly rescue her and sweep her off your feet, you're on your own. Why should I help you?
Will: Would a bribe help?
Jack: Depends. What kind of a bribe?
Will: I can get you out of here.
Jack: How's that? Magic?
Will: These are half pin-barrel hinges. With the right leverage and the proper application of strength, the door will lift free.
Jack: So, magic?
Will: Yeah, sure.
Jack: What's your name?
Will: Will Turner.
Jack: Will? I suppose that'd be short for William. Good strong, name. German in origin. Means "resolute guardian", bet you didn't know that.
Will: Um...
Jack: Named for your father?
Will: Yeah, but how would you know that?
Jack: I'm just that awesome. Anyhoo, I've changed me mind. If you magically rescue me, I promise I'll take you to the Black Pearl, and your bonnie lass.
Will: Promise?
Jack: Cross my heart and hope to die.
Will: I wish.
Jack: Do we have an accord?
Will hesitates a moment, then extends his hand. Jack reaches through the cell, and the two men shake hands.
Jack: Now get me out of here!
Will picks up a bench and uses it as a lever to spring the cell door from its hinges.
Jack: At last! Sweet freedom!
Will: Yeah, that's great, now let's get the heck out of here before someone decides to investigate the suspiciously loud crash they just heard.
Jack: Without my hat? I think not.
Revised edition 2011!