Comandeering the Commodore's Command
Jack and Will are spying on the ships in the bay from around the corner of the building.
Will: What are we doing here?
Jack: We're going to comandeer a ship.
Will: You mean steal it?
Jack: No, comandeer it. I just said that.
Will: I have a feeling comandeer is just a fancy word for steal.
Jack: Pessimist.
Will pouts.
Jack: Just one question. This lady. How far are you willing to go for her?
Will: I'd die for her!
Jack: Good to know.
Jack and Will take a canoe upside down under the water so they have a pocket of air as they walk along the bottom of the ocean towards the Dauntless.
Will: I saw on Mythbusters that this isn't actually physically possible.
Jack: Shut up and stop being so analytical. If it weren't physically possible, we'd hardly be doing it, now, would we? Besides, there's no such thing as Mythbusters yet.
Will: You're crazy.
Jack: No, I'm brilliant.
Jack and Will climb up the side of the Dauntless and board the ship. Jack pulls out his pistol and Will draws his sword. Jack shouts to Gillette and some other sailors who are standing on the ship's deck.
Jack: Everyone, stay calm! We're taking over the ship!
Will: Aye, avast!
Jack: Never, ever, say that again. I'm ashamed to be seen with you in public.
Will: It sounded piratey when I thought it.
Jack: Then stop thinking and just stand there.
Gillette and the sailors are laughing at Jack and Will.
Jack: What are you suckers laughing at?
Gillette: This ship cannot be crewed by two men! Even the illustrious Commodore Norrington needs help to sail it. You'll never make it out of the bay.
Jack holds his pistol up to Gillette's head and cocks it.
Jack: I'm Captain Jack Sparrow. Kapeish?
Gillette: Mommy...!
Norrington is standing on shore with some of his officers. Groves notices Gillette and some sailors in a small rowboat. Gillette is shouting and waving his arms.
Groves: Commodore, sir, I think Gillette needs help.
Norrington: I know he needs help. But if his psychiatrist can't give it to him, I'm sure I can't.
Groves: No, sir, I mean he's in trouble. Look.
Norrington looks for his spyglass but can't find it. He steals Groves' spyglass and sees Gillette waving his arms like a deranged chicken trying to fly.
Gillette: They're taking your ship, sir! Sparrow and Turner - they're taking the Dauntless!
Norrington: Useless Gillette. He couldn't even defend a ship against a pirate and a blacksmith? Why on Earth do I keep him around?
Groves: Because he's your third cousin, sir, and you promised his mother-
Norrington: Don't remind me. I can't imagine how he failed to defend a ship against a pirate and a blacksmith… I'm not sure who sucks worse, Gillette or that pirate. Time to arrest Sparrow. Again.
Norrington and his men get in rowboats and head out towards the Dauntless.
Will: They're coming for us... and the Commodore is not going to be happy...
Jack: Exactly.
Gillette shouts to his men in the rowboat.
Gillette: Turn around, turn around! I have to impress… I mean, help the Commodore!
Norrington and his men board the Dauntless.
Norrington: Search every nook and cranny! Every cubbyhole, even in the secret cargo hold!
Groves: We have a secret cargo hold?
Norrington: Uhh...
Norrington is saved an awkward explanation when he notices Jack and Will swinging over to the Interceptor.
Norrington: (profanity)
Gillette's evil twin makes an attempt at impressing the Commodore by performing a daring swinging stunt, but misses the Interceptor and splashes into the water. Some sailors fire their rifles at Jack and Will, but their aim is off by about 180 degrees.
Jack: Thank you, Commodore, for falling for our little trick! Be sure to give my compliments to a certain Lieutenant Gillette, we couldn't have done it without him!
Norrington: Turn around and get them within range of my awesome cannons!
Helmsman Joe: He broke the steering wheel, sir!
Norrington: What?
Helmsman Joe: Yeah!
The Dauntless is heading straight for Gillette's little rowboat.
Gillette: AAAH! Abandon ship, abandon ship!
No kidding.
The sailors abandon ship. Two seconds later, the Dauntless crushes the rowboat to smithereens. Gillette is practically in tears over losing the first ship he ever commanded.
On board the Dauntless, Norrington and Groves stand watching Jack sail away with the Interceptor.
Groves: Dang, he's good.
Norrington is not at all in the mood to hear this.
Norrington: Say that again and I'll demote you lower than Gillette.
Groves is genuinely surprised.
Groves: You mean that's possible?
Norrington: Well, I could fire you.
Revised edition 2011!