An Able-Bodied (But not Necessarily Able-Minded) Crew
Jack walks along a line of mismatched men, apparently the crew Gibbs has recruited. For some reason Jack is carrying a watermelon.
Gibbs: Check it out, Captain. All of them faithful hands and every one of them worth his salt. Hope you don't mind if they're a little... er... crazy.
Will: Are you serious? This is your crew?
Jack stops in front of one of the men.
Jack: You, sailor!
Gibbs: Cotton, sir.
Jack: Mr. Cotton, are you a pansy?
Gibbs: Uhh... he insulted the wrong guy, so he had his tongue cut out as punishment. He trained the parrot to talk for him.
Will: How?
Gibbs: Don't look at me.
Will: Why would I want to?
Jack: Mr. Cotton's parrot, same question.
Parrot: Do I look like a pansy to you? Huh?
Gibbs: Uhh... mostly we figure that means yes.
Jack: Well of course it does!
Jack turns to Will.
Jack: Happy now?
Will: Not in the slightest.
Anamaria: And what's in it for me?
Jack pulls Anamaria's hat off, immediately doing a Ronald McDonald impression and putting on a happy face.
Jack: Anamaria!
Anamaria: Jack!
Anamaria slaps Jack across the face.
Jack: OW!
Will: You're such a victim, aren't you?
Jack: Uhh... no, that one I deserved.
Anamaria: Heck yes. You stole my boat!
Jack: Well, technically I…
Anamaria slaps Jack again.
Jack: Technically, I comandeered it. But I was going to give it back.
Anamaria: But you didn't!
Jack: At least I didn't blow it up.
Anamaria tries to slap Jack again, but he catches her hand and laughs. She slaps him with her other hand.
Jack: You'll get another one!
Anamaria: I better.
Will: A better one!
Jack: Yeah! What he said.
Will points to the interceptor.
Will: How about that one?
Jack: What one?
Will: That one.
Jack: Will, stop helping so much.
Anamaria: Well...?
Jack: Okay, okay, fine! That one!
The whole crew shouts an enthusiastic "aye!"
Parrot: Come on, come on, let's get this show on the road.
The crew runs off to their posts. Gibbs pulls Jack aside.
Gibbs: Are you crazy?
Jack: Do you really have to ask?
Gibbs: It's bad luck to bring a woman aboard, especially that one.
Jack: Don't worry about it. I got this.
Jack gives the sky a weird look.
Gibbs:What are you looking at?
Jack: The sky. Duh.
Gibbs: Oh. Right. What's with the watermelon?
Jack: Wouldn't you like to know.
Later that night, a violent storm breaks on the sea. Will struggles to hold down a rope against the wind and rain.
Will: This is insane! How can we sail to an island that nobody can find with a compass that doesn't work?
Gibbs: The compass doesn't point North. But we're not trying to find North, are we?
Will: We don't know where we're trying to find!
Gibbs shouts to Jack.
Gibbs: We should drop the canvas, sir!
Jack: She'll hold a bit longer!
Gibbs: What the heck is making you so confident all of the sudden?
Jack: Remember that watermelon?
Gibbs: Yeah…
Jack: Exactly.
Gibbs: (perplexed face)
Revised edition 2011!