Jack's Got Something Up His Sleeve... Or Is That Just His Arm?
Will drags Elizabeth aboard the Interceptor.
Elizabeth: Oh crap. Not more pirates.
Gibbs: Fine, thanks. How are you?
Elizabeth: Mr. Gibbs?
Gibbs: Hey, Will, where's Jack?
Will: He fell on his behind.
Gibbs: Huh?
Will: Uh, I mean, he fell behind.
Will leads Elizabeth away.
Gibbs: If Jack fell on his behind, I have a feeling Will tripped him. But I guess we better keep to the code anyway.
Anamaria: Anchors aweigh!
Back in the cave...
Barbossa: When I marooned you I had kinda hoped you wouldn't show up again.
Jack: When you marooned me on that sucker island, you forgot one very important thing.
Barbossa: Don't tell me. Let me guess... I gave you a cannon?
Jack: Nope.
Barbossa: Uh... you had a ship?
Jack: Nope.
Barbossa: The crew went with you?
Jack: Wrong again.
Barbossa: I give up.
Jack: I'm Captain Jack Sparrow!
Barbossa: Oh. Well, now I know not to forget that. The crew hasn't forgotten either, have they? Gents... kill 'im.
The pirates cock their pistols.
Jack: The girl's blood didn't work, did it?
Barbossa: No duh. I suppose this is the part where you tell me you have information that I need in order to keep me from killing you?
Jack: Heck yes.
Aboard the Interceptor, Elizabeth sits near Will, trying to bandage her hand.
Elizabeth: What kind of jerk trades a man's life for a boat?
Will: Ship, and a pirate does. Here, let me help.
Will bandages Elizabeth's hand.
Will: You said you gave Barbossa my name as yours. Why?
Elizabeth: I don't know, wishful thinking I guess. OW! Dang it!
Will: Oops. My bad. Blacksmith's hands, I know they're rough.
Elizabeth: No... I mean, yes. I mean... uh...
Elizabeth pulls off the medallion and hands it to Will.
Elizabeth: Here. It's yours.
Will: I thought I lost this the day I was rescued... What did you want with it?
Elizabeth: I didn't want Norrington to hang you for piracy.
Will: I am not a pirate.
Elizabeth: Then isn't it a good thing I made sure Norrington didn't think you were?
Will: It wasn't your blood they needed... It was my father's blood... my blood... the blood of a pirate...
Elizabeth: So you are a pirate? Now I'm confused.
Will pounds the table. Elizabeth makes a hasty exit.
Barbossa and Jack are chillin' in Barbossa's cabin.
Barbossa: So... you plan to leave me standing on some beach with nothing but a name and your word it's the one I need, and watch you sail away on my ship?
Jack: Not even close. I expect to leave you standing on some sucker sandpit with no name at all, because I'm going to steal your social security number and max out your credit cards. Then I'll sail away on my ship and I'll shout a false name back to you. Kapeish?
Barbossa: There's still a problem.
Jack: I don't see any probem.
Barbossa: There's still the problem of me being ditched somewhere with only a false name and your word it's not a burned alias.
Jack: Let's examine this, shall we?
Barbossa: I don't suppose I can stop you now that you've got your heart set on it.
Jack: There are two kinds of people in this world. One, people who suck and commit mutiny and therefore cannot be trusted. Two, people who are awesome and haven't commited mutiny. Since I am the only one of us who falls into the latter category, we'll be trusting my word. Though… if you hadn't marooned me on that island I'd be stuck with that curse like you suckers. Funny, huh?
Barbossa: Hilarious.
Jack: Apple?
Bo'sun walks in.
Bo'sun: We approach the Interceptor.
Barbossa walks up topside. He takes out his spyglass and looks at the Interceptor. Jack pops up in front of the spyglass.
Jack: Lightbulb! How about I go over to the Interceptor and negotiate the stealing back of the cool shiny thing? Win-win, right?
Barbossa: Your last lightbulb moment got you marooned. Go to the brig.
Bo'sun takes Jack away. Barbossa takes Jack's apple and looks at it. Then he chucks it at the Interceptor.
Barbossa: Take that, stupid boat!
The apple splooshes into the water a few feet away.
Barbossa: Dang. I missed.
Revised edition 2011!