Barbossa Heart Crooked Negotiations
Everyone from the Interceptor is tied up on the Black Pearl.
Pintel: If any of you so much as thinks the word parlay, I'll use my psychic gift for telepathy to find out, and then I'll rip out your spleen and beat you to death with it!
Ragetti: What's a spleen?
Interceptor: (explodes)
Sucks for Will.
Elizabeth: Will!
Whoever it was that tied up Elizabeth should be sacked, because she manages to get free of the ropes and attack Barbossa. Barbossa is surprisingly displeased with this behavior, and turns her over to the crew. Will magically appears.
Barbossa: I'm really gonna have to work on my methods of killing people…
Will: She goes free!
Barbossa: What's in your head, boy?
Jack: Nothing! Absolutely nothing!
Will: Jack, stop helping so much. Elizabeth goes free.
Will aims the pistol at Barbossa.
Barbossa: (mimicking a girly voice) Oh, dear, the scary man's got a pistol! (resuming his normal voice) Too bad we can't die, sucker.
Jack: Don't do anything stupid!
Will aims the pistol at his own head.
Will: I'll shoot myself!
Jack: You've got to be freaking kidding me.
Barbossa: Go for it. Who the heck are you anyway?
Jack: Nobody! Just some random hobo I picked up off the street. Some third cousin of someone's uncle's aunt... twice removed. Lovely singing voice though. Eunuch.
Will: I am Will Turner, the only son of Bootstrap Bill Turner.
Jack laughs nervously.
Jack: He is not, he only thinks he is. He... uh... suffers from... paranoid schizophrenia.
Ragetti: He's the spittin' image of old Bootstrap Bill! Come back to haunt us!
Pintel: Shut up, Bootstrap wasn't that old. And I wouldn't say "spitting image", exactly…
Will: Do as I say or I swear I'll pull this trigger and be lost to Davy Jones' locker!
Jack: And wouldn't that be a pity, so if you'll kindly…
Barbossa: Name your terms…
Jack: I want a…
Barbossa: ...Mr. Turner.
Jack: Oh...
Will: Elizabeth goes free!
Barbossa: Yeah. You said that already. Is that it?
Will: And the crew. Don't hurt them.
Barbossa: Well, duh, I'd hardly want to kill my crew. Most of them anyways...
Will: Not your crew.
Barbossa: Oh. Anything else?
Will looks around. Jack points to himself, but Will seems not to notice. Jack builds a neon sign, but Will still ignores him.
Will: Nope. That's it.
Barbossa: Sounds good. Agreed.
Jack: Eff.
Revised edition 2011!