Theme Music
Jack is standing on the gallows. An official reads from a scroll.
Official: Jack Sparrow, be it known that you have...
Jack: Captain. Captain Jack Sparrow. Can't you people ever get it right?
Official: ...for your willful comission of crimes against the crown. Said crimes being numerous in quantity and sinister in nature, the most egg... egri...
The official leans over to Jack.
Official: What's this word?
Jack frowns at the word.
Jack: I don't know. Just skip it.
Official: The most something of these to be cited herewith. Piracy, smuggling...
Elizabeth is standing at the back of the crowd with Norrington and Governor Swann.
Elizabeth: Father, the Commodore is a big meanie.
Norrington: Hey!
Governor Swann: Your fiance is bound by the law, just like the rest of us.
Official: ...pretending to be as illustrious as Commodore Norrington, impersonating a nun...
The official shudders at the thought. Jack grins.
Official: ...sailing under nonexistant colors, making fun of Commodore Norrington, being mean to Lieutenant Gillette, scaring the Governor, and general lawlessness. And for these crimes, you have been sentenced to be, on this day, hung by the neck until you die. Sucks for you.
Jack: Thanks a lot.
Official: No problem.
Will pushes his way through the crowd and stops in front of Norrington, Elizabeth, and the Governor. Will is wearing an awesome feathered hat. I think it rocks, but everyone else thinks it's kind of superfluous. That's like my favorite word ever.
Will: Good morning, everyone.
Norrington: Well, it was until you showed up.
Governor Swann: Mr. Turner, are you aware that you have an ostrich on your head?
Will ignores the Governor.
Will: Elizabeth. I love you.
Will runs off.
Norrington: She's taken!
Elizabeth: Let it go, James.
The exocutioner puts the noose around Jack's neck. Elizabeth notices Cotton's parrot, which means the Black Pearl must be nearby.
Elizabeth: Uhh... I can't breathe?
Elizabeth falls backwards, pretending to faint. The Governor and the Commodore hurry to help Elizabeth. Therefore, they don't notice Will charging the gallows with a sword. He throws it just as the door drops, and Jack stands on it while Will battles the executioner. Jack is cut free, and someone drops the executioner on Norrington. Jack and Will make their way up to the battlements by clotheslining the British military. Then suddenly, they're surrounded.
Norrington: I thought something like this might happen, but I never thought you'd be the one smart enough to orchestrate it.
Will: Hey!
Governor Swann: I cleared you of all charges and this is how you thank me? He's a pirate!
Will: And a good man.
Jack: Told ya.
Will: Screw the law, Jack's a good man, and if I hang for this, too bad so sad.
Norrington: You forget your place.
Will: It's right here. Between you and Jack.
Elizabeth: Me too.
Elizabeth steps between Norrington and Jack.
Governor Swann: DON'T SHOOT MY DAUGHTER!
Random Soldier: Do I look like I was going to?
Governor Swann: Just lower your weapons.
The soldiers do.
Norrington makes the Ultimate Rejection Face.
Norrington: You... you... love him?
Elizabeth: Well, yeah.
Norrington weeps.
Jack sees the parrot.
Jack: Well, this is just splendid! Though, I really must be going now, before one of you decides to end this stalemate. Commodore, mate, I was rooting for you all along. Elizabeth, sorry I didn't propose to you sooner. Will... you have an ostrich on your head. In conclusion. This is the day that you will always remember as the day that you…
Jack falls off the battlements.
Gillette: Loser! Where does he think he's going, out to sea? Commodore, sir, he'll just have to go back to the noose, won't he? Commodore Norrington, I know that you, being a man of action, will have a brilliant plan already formulating that will result in the capture of Jack Sparrow. Would you care to share that plan with your humble Lieutenant?
Norrington: That's the most disturbing thing I've ever heard you say.
Governor Swann: I think the Commodore means that piracy isn't always wrong when it saves Elizabeth.
Norrington: Mr. Turner.
Will: I'm screwed...
Norrington: This sword is totally nice. I hope you'll be just as nice to Elizabeth. Because if you're not, I'll throw you in prison. I can do that. I'm the Commodore.
Gillette: Commodore Norrington, sir! What do you want me to do, sir, about Sparrow, sir?
Norrington: I think we can afford to give him one day's head start.
Gillette: That's... uncharacteristically gracious of you, Commodore, sir, and ordinarily I would admire you for such an action, but in the case of a pirate such as Sparrow...
Norrington: Gillette, shut up. You're making my head hurt. Why don't you make yourself useful and go invent asprin or something?
Gillette: Yes, sir, right away, sir, anything for you, Commodore, sir.
Norrington: I need a drink so bad right now it's not even funny.
Elizabeth stands with Will on the battlements.
Governor Swann: Do you seriously want to marry him?
Elizabeth: Yep.
Governor Swann: But... he's a blacksmith!
Elizabeth: No, he's a pirate.
Elizabeth and Will smooch while romantic theme music plays.
Jack is pulled aboard the Black Pearl in one of the greatest stunts and camera shots ever.
Jack: I hope I don't sound ungrateful, but, didn't I tell you to stick to the code?
Gibbs: Elizabeth said they were more like guidelines.
Jack: Oh, taking orders from Elizabeth now, are you?
Gibbs: No... But she made a lot of sense...
Jack: Never mind.
Cotton gives Jack his hat, and Anamaria puts his coat around his shoulders.
Anamaria: Go ahead and take the ship. But do it quick before I change my mind.
Jack walks to the wheel and strokes it fondly. Then he becomes self-concious.
Jack: Go make yourselves useful! Suckers!
The crew scurries away.
Jack: Now... bring me that horizon.
Jack takes out his compass.
Jack: Lalala... really bad eggs... Drink up me hearties yo ho!
The compass snaps shut and theme music plays.
The end.
Revised edition 2011! Hope you guys enjoyed this! If you want more, go check out my parodies of Pirates 2 and 3.